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Prelude to Dante's Peak

Prelude to Dante's Peak
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Hey remember that OTHER volcano movie from 1997? Well its here on Stinker Madness to finally help us answer that age old question: which 1997 volcano movie is the most stupid? Dante's Peak stars Pierce Brosnan and Linda Hamilton.

Roman's Do's and Don'tsNinja Busters - Bluray only $24.99 on AmazonDangerous Men - $3.99 on YouTubeThe Barbarians - YouTubeThe Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

Extreme resistance to extreme heat but only from above - 3/10 stars

About Dante's Peak - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

These volcano movies of '97 really did poorly. Volcano had turned $47 million against a $120 million budget and the similarly themed Dante's Peak made $67 million versus a budget of $178 million. Apparently geology, is not box office gold, nor was it enough to keep me awake during my second semester in college. It should also be noted that this thing was almost as expensive as Titanic - the most expensive movie of all time when released.

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Volcano

Volcano
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Tommy and Anne face off against some hot magma ("What's Magma?") in the first of two 1997 volcano movies. This one features a lead character who should be fired and never hired for his job, a slew of disaster movie cliches (Dog never dies, anyone?) and Stan, the Man-Chucking Man in possibly the stupidest movie we've ever seen on this show.

Let's start off by declaring how incredibly dumb this movie is. Every single bit of "science" is telegraphed to the audience because "Hey! They're stupid!" such as the definition of tectonic activity, gravity and magma. The volcano has a mind of its own and has Tommy Lee Jones sense meaning if Tommy is coming its sneaky and hides from him. The government officials of LA have no clue how things should work and it seems Tommy's Roark is the mayor as everyone calls him or reports to him daily even before the eruption. The Chief of Police even calls to obligatorily yell at someone, even if its completely unrelated to Emergency Management of which Roark is the director of. I can in no way define how stupid this movie is because in order to define something you must possess some semblance of intelligence. That would be a slap in the face of this movies lack thereof.

Then there's the effects. Too many people over use the "effects that don't stand up to time" but this thing never had a chance to stand up at all. I specifically talk about "the building" (and why there is a character to just set up that a building exists is beyond me). At one point, the cast stands in front of a large photo of the building as if they are there. Usually when someone looks at something fake they are looking at a painting that's supposed to be real but this time it's a photo....that's out of focus. Seriously.

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Prelude to Volcano

Prelude to Volcano
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Surprise! Volcano! Tommy Lee Jones comes in to ask what magma is and see if his volcano movie of 1997 can be the dumber of the year. We all know its stupid, but how stupid can it be?

Roman's Do's and Don'tsLust for Freedom (1987) - YouTubeFurious (1984) - IMDBThe Zero Boys (1986) - IMDBWild Card - The Great Superpower DebateElectro-magnetic Telekinesis - 3.5 starsAbout Volcano - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

As evidenced by the classic 1997 film Volcano, there are some disaster management professionals out there who do not know what magma is, I am then to infer that there are possibly people out there, disaster management professionals or otherwise, who don't know what volcanoes are. I will explain this phenomenon as unscientifically as possible; a volcano is a giant dirt cone that shoots fire sauce out the top, not the good kind of fire sauce either. You put this stuff on your taco and it becomes el taco de la muerte. 

Oddly this film which seems to fumble the science like a greasy over inflated football, was helmed by one Mick Jackson. Jackson, before directing such films as LA Story, The Bodyguard and this pile of crap, had a hand in some of the greatest television ever made. One instance, and his first directorial effort is the James Burke series Connections. If you haven't seen Connections get a seat belt for your brain and buckle up. He would rebound from this film as well as Clean Slate with Dana Carvey, as it was done immediately prior to Volcano, making events for HBO such as the adaptation of Live From Baghdad and Temple Grandin, which won him an Emmy. After 19 years he returns to the silver screen soon with his most recent effort, Denial, which concluded filming in February.

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License to Drive

License to Drive
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The Corey's team up to help Haim get his drivers license and bang a girl. Along the way, they go on a slew of crimes mostly involving reckless endangerment but also sexual assault and child pornography in a showcase of how horrible the 80's were. Not even Heather Graham and Carol Kane can save this.

This film is a pukefest of 80's trends, stupidity, and selfishness. It's a perfect capsule of something that is horrible. So yes, it captures the essence of the decade but the decade sucks and so does this film. Sorry lovers of Aquanet. 

Feldman is passable and the least annoying of the two but that's not saying much. Corey Haim's performance and character are awful and within 20 minutes you just want Les (Haim) to crash the car and explode or just get grounded and actually follow the punishment by staying in his room for the duration of the film. Heather Graham's Mercedes Lane is a testament of how bad this film stinks. They've made an 18 year old, arguably the hottest woman in Hollywood look like a circus clown in an insane asylum. Her character is supposed to be this dream girl, but she's a trainwreck and soon to be buying a bus ticket to former porn star town. She's not a nice girl.

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Prelude to License to Drive

Prelude to License to Drive
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The "Coreys" make their official first appearance on the show with the 80's cheesefest about teenagers getting driver's licenses. This sounds like a recipe for disaster as the 80's sucked, teenagers suck and drivers training sucks the worst! At least Heather Graham is easy on the eye-balls.

Streaming Roman Do's and Don'tsMetamorphosis: The Alien Factor (1990) - IMDBHired to Kill (1990) - IMDBSteele Justice (1987) - IMDBWild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

Spit! The Acne Cure - 7 out of 10

Special Guest - Jackson Murphy

Jackson from the Lights Camera Jackson film review blog stops in and shares with us his picks for the first half of 2016 for the SMABFA awards. He's also doing an incredible charity promotion for the Make-A-Wish Foundation. We urge all of you to contribute and follow Jackson through his fundraiser and his career. He's a great guy.

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Rambo III

Rambo III
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John Rambo comes to us in the third installment of the First Blood/Rambo franchise in the pinnacle of 80's over the top action. It's fun, it's stupid, its violent, and ridiculous. But in the year 2016 and how much we don't really care for ethnic cleansing, it's also a little offensive.

If Rambo had been left in Afghanistan for about 3 months, the world certainly would be a different place than it is today and it's anybody's guess whether it would be better or worse. It could go either way, because sure he kicks the Russkies asses but he also teams up with the Mujahideen and I'm not sure that he didn't honestly believe they were worth fighting with. At no point does it seem anyone questioned the motives of the Mujahideen during filmmaking. They were fighting the Russians so I guess that must mean they are the good guys. It wouldn't take much longer before we learned that they were genocidal assholes. Ooo, poor taste in pals, John.

Bullets and fire are allergic to Rambo, he has teleportation powers, and he's suddenly an expert horseman. He can fly choppers, drive tanks, use booby traps and shows how deadly glow sticks are. It's loads of stupid fun.

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Prelude to Rambo III

Prelude to Rambo III
John Rambo vs John Rambo
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Carolco decides its destiny by spending too much on a ridiculous film that involves a man causes fire and bullets to steer clear. It's the Stallord's one jillionth appearance on the show and we haven't even gotten to Tango & Cash, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot or Cliffhanger!

Streaming Do's and Don'tsReign of Fire - StarzDown n' Dirty - Amazon Prime The Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight?

John Rambo (First Blood) vs John Rambo (First Blood: Part 2)

About Rambo III - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Fired, fired, fired, every one gets fired! The main production theme of Rambo 3 would be Stallone firing everyone at one point or another. Harry Kliener who wrote the scripts for Bullitt and Red Heat was hired to write the film. Then fired because Stallone didn't like the draft. Russell Mulcahy who we will of course remember as an Ausploitation import, directing such films as Razorback and Highlander, would be fired two weeks in. Replacement Peter MacDonald was the second unit director. He would end up shooting portions of the film himself as 3 cinematographers were all fired. Israel was chosen as a shooting location but as there were too many shooting restrictions the whole country was fired and they just shot in Arizona. They ran into a group of civil war re-enacters when getting to Arizona. The group boasted a membership of over 250. They weren't fired, however it makes me wonder what the original extras plan was if they just happened into these fellow and were subsequently able to then shoot the battle scenes. Jerry Goldsmith also wasn't fired, he did however do an entire score that Stallone didn't like, Stallone like the music from Rambo 2 better, which was also written by Goldsmith so he lucked out and didn't get fired.

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Troll 2

Troll 2
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Troll 2 has been widely hailed as one of the best bad movies ever made what with its documentary called "Best Worst Movie" and also topping the IMDB Bottom 100. Sometimes though a film can be overpraised in its horrendousness. Will Troll 2 stand up to the critical analysis that has debunked such films as Gigli and Mommie Dearest?

The short answer? No. No this movie is one of the worst ever made.

The long answer is that Troll 2 is undoubtedly an incredible film. Each time you watch this film, you catch something new in its delirium. Its a wonderful treat upon each viewing. Its so crammed with crumminess that when you stop laughing maniacally you find just another terrible thing to laugh at in the next second. You can't stop laughing and it's brilliant. This movie is why we do what we do.

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Prelude to Troll 2

Prelude to Troll 2
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Finally, we hit one of the most notorious bad movies of all time. At one point, Troll 2 was the #1 lowest rated movie on IMDB.com until people realized it's freaking awesome. Praised by many and loved by tons, it's a treasure of a film and we can't wait to dive into it.

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A favorite cinematic guilty pleasure https://t.co/4JwTXRhIS5

— Don Carpenter (@BrakDBarbarian) June 27, 2016

The young one was playing Zombie Catchers, and he just earned this guy:@StinkerMadness pic.twitter.com/bk7cpUFbLs

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Mommie Dearest

Mommie Dearest
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In 1981, Faye Dunaway took the role of Joan Crawford and then thought she was on a one way track to Oscar Town. Instead, her completely unbelievable performance bought her a bus ticket to Razzieville. We take on this cult classic and try to determine the ultimate question of "Is it really that bad or good?"

So there's truly only one thing to talk about regarding this film. It's Faye Dunaway's performance. So much has been said about this role and her completely ridiculous take on being an insane person. You can't take her seriously. The character is doing completely horrible things that bear no semblance to anything a rational person would do but Faye's take on it is outlandish. It's impossible and by far the most interesting part of the whole damn thing. Unfortunately, her freak outs are too few and far between.

The rest of the film is painfully uninteresting. You're stuck wading through mooping around waiting for Joan to drink to much and throw a tissy fit. It's poorly paced, poorly written, and poorly edited. Characters disappear, others age at different speeds, makeup failed, plot points are dialed down (Joan's revolving lover door, her excessive drinking, her random insane speeches) and throughout you're disappointed because it's tedious but seriously not as bad as billed. The shots are well done, set design is great and directing is competent. It's truly not bad enough.

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Prelude to Mommie Dearest

Prelude to Mommie Dearest
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One of the most prolific bad movies of all time finally lands on the show with Jackie's choice in the Faye Dunaway "acted" biography adaptation of Mommie Dearest. It's the story of Joan Crawford and her very progressive and seemingly quite fair treatment of stolen baby, Christina. So many Razzie wins but will it hold up to the Stinker Madness treatment?

Streaming Do's and Don'tsTwisted Justice - Amazon PrimeProject Metalbeast - YouTubeStriking Distance - StarzThe Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

Fart force fields - 4 out of 10 stars

 

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Independence Day: Resurgence

Independence Day: Resurgence
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ID4:2 comes to a Bad Movie Field Trip on the show this week. Will it be stupid fun enough to get into that elusive Best Bad Movie category for the 2016 SMABFAs? Can it at least be better than that damn Jupiter Ascending?

Well the critics aren't happy. They call it bloated, lazy, and tedious. Well we have good things to say and bad things to say but these words do not come into the fray at all. 

ID4:2 has some real strengths for what it is trying to accomplish, but most notably it has one of the crappiest movie studios (FOX) sticking their damn fingers into a director's vision. The worst parts of this film are the extra action sequences that have NOTHING to do with the story most particularly the moon sequence with Liam Hemsworth's character introduction. This scene is the first bit of "action" and it stinks. It's completely not "Emerrichian" and is obviously put in there to entice the audience into a sense of excitement early on and to show that Liam's guy is kick ass. However, it falls completely short of accomplishing that with the following point - when you leave the theater ask yourself, "What was any character's name in that movie?" The silence you will hear is indicative of how little anyone gives a crap about the characters. You go to these things to see "Welcome to Earth!" (punch) stupidity and aliens getting outwitted by man. Instead you are started with an action sequence that is not exciting nor worth bothering with. It also cost $10 million dollars..for one sequence that is the worst part of the film. Spend the money elsewhere! Or don't! Save the cash so you can profit and we can get another movie. Idiots...

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The Last Dragon

The Last Dragon
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Sam brings us the least karate "karate" movie to ever exist with martial arts being replaced by romance, music, dancing, neon, sassy children, and pizza. While this may sound like something you want to put your head through a wall for, The Last Dragon is truly awesome.

The Last Dragon is the tale of a kung fu obsessed teenager who is the son of a pizza restaurateur on a journey to be the best at kung fu. His adventures are endangered by The Shogun of Harlem, Sho Nuff and Arkadian, who wants to use his love interest to further his own fortune. Well that seems sorta straight-laced but this film is one of the silliest things we've done.

The comedic acting is by far the high point of this film. Juluis Carry (Sho Nuff) and Leo O'Brien (kid brother) particularly stand out. They are completely over the top and hilarious. Brava good sirs. On the other side, Vanity stinks. Her songs are awful and she slugs through them as if she drank a gallon of vodka first. Blech.

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Prelude to The Last Dragon

Prelude to The Last Dragon
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This week on the podcast Sam brings in a movie that made him quite angry as a child but then grew to love it's non-kung-fu ways. It's 1985's The Last Dragon in which a "kung fu" guy tries to achieve something called "The Glow".

Listener Feedback

@StinkerMadness Ah yes, this one is better than 10-10-220-Evil imo

— Jags Movie Guy (@MoviePaul) June 13, 2016

@StinkerMadness what!! How can you not like Blind Fury?!?!? I'm fucking shit of your shit! All Hail Queen Jackie

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Deadliest Prey

Deadliest Prey
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Danton returns to do his thing and his thing is killing so many people in ridiculous ways. This time he gets kidnapped by Colonel Hogan for the sake of a "never hunt a man" competition, faces off against Thorton, receives an assist from an old military buddy, has his wife kidnapped by a sexretary and does a fist pump in the air. Sound familiar?

If you had told us that Deadliest Prey is just a remake of Deadly Prey without any of a new story we would have been deeply disappointed. It shouldn't work. But somehow Deadliest Prey does work. There's no better way they could have done it. It's so much fun and has so much fan service that works great that we absolutely loved it. 

For the most part Deadliest Prey is stocked with the same characters as Deadly Prey, including Danton, Colonel Hogan, Thorton, the Sexretary, Danton's wife and the former bud. This time though there's an addition of 3 computer "hackers" who are the biggest of doofuses (doofusi?) and are atrociously bad (awesome) actors. They also do the fairly common thing of no knowledge of how the Internet works. It's great. Poor dialogue and even poorer deliverer from them makes for a very welcome addition.

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Prelude to Deadliest Prey

Prelude to Deadliest Prey
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Mike Danton is back on the show and we can't be excited enough. Deadliest Prey is the 28 years later sequel to Hall of Fame movie, Deadly Prey and we can't wait to see how David and Ted Prior follow up one of the greatest bad movies of all time.

Be sure to revisit our Deadly Prey episode and for god sakes, watch the movie.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsShotgun - YouTubeDeath Machines - YouTubeRage of Honor - YouTubeWild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad NeighborClark Kent - Superman IV: The Quest for PeaceSelena - SupergirlBilly the Beaut - Punisher: War ZoneAbout Deadliest Prey - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

David A. Prior died tragically at the age of 59 from what his brother Ted described as a long battle with failing health. I have done some digging and have discovered that on the coroner’s report, it clearly states that he died from being too awesome. Coincidentally I am now worried about my own health. His last project was working on the screenplay to long time friend and collaborator, director and dance choreographer David Winters most recent opus, Dancin' It's On!. Dancin' It's On! really needs some better punctuation. Perhaps; Dancing: It is on., or Dancin', It's On!. I think if the title was punctuated properly it would have made more than $27,000 at the box office, which is low considering it features Gary Daniels in a supporting role. Prior's last directorial effort was Relentless Justice with Eric Roberts. In the comment section of the somewhat lacking obituary for Prior on the AV Club, about 14 or 15 trolls down one Debra Newberry described how Prior was the catalyst to many careers as filmmaking wasn't really a big thing in Alabama. Most of his films were shot in an around Mobile AL and one of his former longtime crew members, Tommy Fell is now the director of the Alabama Film Commission.

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976-EVIL 2

976-EVIL 2
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Jim Wynorski makes his Stinker Madness debut with 1991's tale of a spooky phone hotline that gives you the confidence to mow on Bridgette Neilsen's box and gain super-powers so that you can stock a lady with a tall butt.

We're pretty confused on what this movie is about. Our best theory is that the dean of a community college has an obsession with his ex-office assistant. He's nuts and thinks that a 1-900 horoscope number will give him the powers to stalk her properly. So he somehow meets up with the proprietor of a spooky stuff supply store who if you give her cunnilingus you will be given the powers of Doctor Strange. Meanwhile, a guy who only has leather motorcycle gear to wear and who does not shower ever, thinks that the 1-900 number is somehow involved but they are just a red herring and are just a "phone company" with a really lame business model and a fairly bored CEO.

So none of the story makes any sense, which is no problem for us. We love how Jim doesn't bother with any of that and just crams silly stuff in to mask the lack of a plot. There's several sequences in this film that are a laugh riot, particularly the scene where Motorcycle Greg fights possessed assault rifles and flying frozen pizzas, a car chase sequence with a ninja driver, and possibly the best exploding dummy ever caught on film. Hilarious!

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Prelude to 976-EVIL 2

Prelude to 976-EVIL 2
ET vs Munchie
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Jim Wynorski makes his very first and long overdue appearance on the show with 1991's 976-Evil 2, a film so important that they wouldn't even bring Robert Englund to direct it. Will Jim continue his fine tradition and increase his presence in the Stinker Hall of Fame? Spoiler alert - totally.

We'd like to say thank you to our fans that recently wrote in by sharing some thoughts from them on the show. If you'd like to join us in the bad movie discussion, like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter or write to us to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

RE: Punisher: War Zone Episode

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The Dead Pool

The Dead Pool
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Dirty Harry finally becomes the worst cop in the history of cops when he decides asking questions or arresting people is boring; it's just better to shoot everyone in the face. Sprinkle in some karate, self-deprecating jokes, an unnecessary love interest, old-man grumble dialogue, a car/rc car/car chase, dubious action, and a plot that leaves the audience thinking it was invented by monkeys and you've got the recipe for a franchise killer. Goodbye, Dirty Harry.

The primary problem with The Dead Pool is the incapable hands behind the camera. The script is incredibly dumb, with a "surprise" twist that is blatantly obvious from the first scene in the movie. You're then stuck with a setup for the twist that you're already clued into for the next hour. You know that all the character actions are irrelevant to the actual story and it makes it painful to deal with. So you've got an audience bored with the movie, why not put in another plot as a vehicle for action? Seriously, when your main story doesn't have any call for action, don't add a subplot that is just there so that your protagonist can shoot people in the face. Terrible writing. 

Next there's the horrible directing. The movie starts with some horrible stock shots of San Fran with post-production slow motion. Slo-mo is bad enough but slowing down stock shots? What? Team that up with some of the worst crappy cop music that sounds like euro-pop and you've got a pretty bad start for the audience. 

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Prelude to The Dead Pool

Prelude to The Dead Pool
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This week we put on our best "squinty stink-eye whisper-yelling shoot everyone in the face" faces and get ready for Clint Eastwood to make his first appearance on the show in the franchise-killing Dead Pool. Can Harry Calahan keep his gun in his pants for more than six lines of dialogue?

You're Wrong, Idiot!

Regarding Superman IV: The Quest for Peace 

Whether the Fortress of Solitude scene happens in Clark's mind - Justin, You're Wrong, Idiot!Whether the pile of cash on Lex's desk is more than $1,000,000 - Justin, You're Wrong, Idiot!Whether the film made money - Sam, You're Wrong, Idiot!The Great Superpower Debate

Benjamin Button Bones - Bones get stronger with age - 4/10

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