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Prelude to Gymkata

Prelude to Gymkata
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This week on the podcast we gear up for one of the most notorious bad movies ever made and a hallmark of stupidity. When you need to invade a country that doesn't make any sense, send in an Olympic Gold Medalist!

The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

Immunity to negative drug side effects - 7.75 out of 10 stars

The 2016 SMABFA NominationsBest Bad MovieThe Huntsman: Winter’s WarLondon Has FallenGods of EgyptMechanic: ResurrectionNine LivesZoolander 2The BoyIndependence Day: ResurgenceWorst Bad MovieMother’s DayAlice Through the Looking GlassWarcraftNow You See Me 2Batman v Superman: Dawn of JusticeSuicide SquadX-Men: ApocalypseGhostbustersAllegiantBest Bad ActorGerard Butler -  Gods of EgyptKevin Spacey – Nine LivesGerard Butler - London has FallenJason Statham – Mechanic: ResurrectionBrent Spiner – Independence Day: ResurgenceBill Pullman - Independence Day: ResurgenceChris Hemsworth -  Huntsman: Winter’s WarChristopher Walken – Nine LivesWorst Bad ActorJared Leto - Suicide SquadTye Sheridan – Xmen: ApocalypseBill Murray – GhostbustersDaniel Radcliffe – Now You See Me 2Jeff Goldblum – Independence Day: ResurgenceJohn Depp – Alice through the Looking GlassJesse Eisenberg – Batman V SupermanBest Bad ActressEmily Blunt - Huntsman: Winter’s WarCharlize Theron - Huntsman: Winter’s WarJessica Alba – Mechanic: ResurrectionGal Gadot: Batman V SupermanMargot Robbie - Suicide SquadKristen Wig - Zoolander 2Maika Monroe – 5th WaveVivica A. Fox – ID4; 2Penelope Cruz – Zoolander 2Anne Hathaway – Alice through the Looking GlassAubrey Plaza – Dirty GrandpaWorst Bad ActressJessica Alba – Mechanic: ResurrectionKate McKinnon – GhostbustersJennifer Aniston – Mother’s DayLizzy Caplan – Now You See Me 2Kate Hudson – Mother’s DayPenelope Cruz – Zoolander 2Cara Delevingne - Suicide SquadAnne Hathaway – Alice through the Looking GlassMia Wasikowska - Alice through the Looking GlassJennifer Garner – Nine LivesMST3K Riffibility Nine LivesBen-HurMechanic: ResurrectionIndependence Day: ResurgenceBatman V SupermanDirty GrandpaThe 5th WaveGods of EgyptHuntsman – Winter’s WarAbout Gymkata - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Kurt Thomas is the stuff of legend, gymnastically speaking. He was the first American man to win gold on the floor exercise at a world championship level. His prowess was such that he has two skills named after him, the Thomas Flair and the Thomas Salto. The Thomas Salto is described not only as difficult but dangerous. He was unable to win Olympic gold though being heavily favored due to the boycott of the 1980 Olympics by the US and the majority of the country’s political allies. Why you ask did we and many others boycott the 1980 Olympics, because it was in Moscow, and those commie bastards were totally harshing our mellow. Carter would officially boycott the games in protest that the USSR or any country for that matter would have the audacity to intervene in Afghanistan. We did something else besides just boycott the Olympics, the history books will remember a little thing called Rambo 3, The only thing you need to topple the soviet power in Afghanistan is a guy who hasn’t heard of a bath or haircut.

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She-Devil

She-Devil
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Roseanne gets "vengeance" upon a hubby-stealing romance novelist, by destroying her own life, abandoning her children, treating other's as pawns in her master plan, and exploiting the weak and trusting women in need that the films tells you she is freeing from oppression. This thing is a mondo-turd.

I hate this movie. I'll make no apologies to start. It's not funny. It's infuriatingly preposterous and at no point can one sympathize or appreciate any of the characters. They are the "basket of deplorables" that I believe Mrs. Clinton was speaking about; politics aside, she just hated these three people. Let's start with the easy spots: Ed Begley's Bob and Meryl Streep's Mary. The viewer isn't supposed to like them. They are the antagonists with Bob being an emotionally abusive and cheating husband (with a side order of being a buffoon) and Mary, an egotistical, spoiled and sociopathic bitch (for lack of a better word). Sure, they're the bad guys. You shouldn't like them. But in a comedy, you should enjoy them. In this POS, the screen-time shared between Begley and Streep comes across as a poor impression of The Three Stooges (minus 1). "Wow, aren't they zany!?" said the producer. The audience responds by pissing on said producer's pants.

Then there's ol' Ruth (Barr). Now she's had a rough go, right? Her husband's a twat, society told her that she's growdy and that darn Mary is just everywhere reminding her how inferior she is. So instead of taking a stand and defending herself against the offenses of her environment she plays along. She takes these punches and even stands by her cheating husband saying "He'll get bored of Mary and come back to me. I just need to be the good, dutiful wife until then." I'm sorry, you want him back? Strike one. Strike two is that you've let this happen before. The film subtly states that this isn't Bob's first escapade in cheating. Strike three, he's verbally abusive to you. I'm sorry but I feel that in even in sexist 1989, any woman that we should view as an inspiration should probably have told Bob at some point to eat shit. Yes I understand that abused women sometimes get a version of Stockholm Syndrome, but I'm not trying to make a point about reality. I'm making a point about a film that says that women shouldn't take no shit from no asshole, even if they are their husbands (and that is correct) but the film also states that hey, if you get lonely after you do, why not take him back? Screw this.

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Prelude to She-Devil

Prelude to She-Devil
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Roseanne Barr and Meryll Streep join up to deliver the yucks and yuck is what they deliver in a tale about a scorned middle-American housewife revengifying the atrocities committed upon her person and also liberating womankind from oppressions. She just makes things worse....

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@StinkerMadness Inappreciate you guys redoing a whole show to get it on the air. Technical difficulties suck. It happens. Still funny ?

— Ry (@ryanmoralesaz) January 9, 2017

Brad Slager AKA @martinishark

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Odds and Evens

Odds and Evens
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Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer put on their best Abbott & Costello hats and deliver the hijinxs en masse. It's a banana show of endless goofs and shenanigans that never lets off the gas.

The problem with this movie is....nothing. This is just a great legitimate comedy. We didn't laugh AT this movie, we laughed with it. The jokes are timed impeccably. They are new and fresh and unique. While completely outlandish and bonkers, this film never gets into that dangerous 70's live-action cartoon territory (we're talking to you C.H.O.M.P.S.). It's brilliant and a model for classic slap-stick that put the Zucker brothers in such high standing.

Bud and Terrance are, as they should be, your classic comedy duo. They are complete opposites and tie right into the ol' straight-man/goof-ball model. But the unique thing is that the giant beast man that bares an uncanny semblance to Andre The Giant is the straight man, while the handsome, charming and snappy guy is the Daffy Duck. It's fantastic and works so well for these two.

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Prelude to Odds and Evens

Prelude to Odds and Evens
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For 22 pictures, Terrance Hill and Bud Spencer played the ultimate in comedic buddy-cop movies and this week on the podcast, Sam brings in one of their best in Odds and Evens.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsIcebreaker w/ Rifftrax - Amazon PrimeVehicle 19 - NetflixGor II (Outlaw of Gor) - MST3K YouTubeThe Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor (Buddy Cops)Riggs & Murtaugh - Lethal WeaponCates & Hammond - 48 Hrs.About Odds and Evens - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Carlo Pedersoli was still a member of the Italian National Swim Team and Water Polo Team when he started his acting career around 1950. The younger Marco Girroti similarly was discovered around the same time. The two would individually muddle through bit parts and lower profile roles before the two were cast together in the 1967 western, God Forgives… I Don’t. Director Giueseppe Colizzi recommended the two adopt less Italian sounding names as Italian budget films were beginning to put quite a few butts in seats worldwide. Girroti would take the name Terence Hill and Pedersoli would assume the moniker Bud Spencer. Girroti’s was tasked with choosing names from lists while Pedersoli came up with Bud Spencer as homage to Spencer Tracy and Budweiser beer. The two would go on two star with one another in over 20 buddy pictures. Though some films may be more well known, say Lethal Weapon or 48 Hrs., the heart and soul of the buddy film lies with these two.

The Corbucci brothers are also very significant in Italian film. Sergio is one of the more influential Italian directors, having done films such as the original Django, The Mercenary, Compeneros and The Great Silence, to name a few. Bruno however amassed a significant filmography as a director and writer in his own right. Many of the Spencer/Hill productions are products of the Corbucci brothers. This gem was directed by Sergio and written by Bruno though the larger chunk of the Spencer/Hill films are directed by Bruno and written by Sergio or Mario Amendola.

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Tango & Cash

Tango & Cash
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Two cops find love in each other's egos, while attempting to clear their names from a villainous plot to take over the world's salted caramel industry. Stallone and Russell team up for one of the raddest buddy cop dumb-dumb rollercoaster. It's shenanigans.

Tango & Cash is incredibly stupid. There is absolutely no sense of reality here. The villain uses mice, that he loves,  to demonstrate his evilry. He owns monster trucks that have guns mounted on them. Hidden assassin's inside of mirrors (we think) & gun-shoes. Physics don't apply. Time and distance are more of guidelines...

Then there's the leads...wow do they love each other. Let me be clear, if this had been made today, they very well could have been the first openly gay supercops in a major motion picture. They really love each other on the inside and feel passionately about each other's genitals. I'm not making this up. Longing gazes at junk are quite frequent.

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Prelude to Tango & Cash

Prelude to Tango & Cash
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This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast, we tackle the classic "buddy" cop film from 1989 with Stallone and Russell in a weird incestuous love triangle, framed for murder, take down the vague bad guy, and enjoy some off-roading. It's Tango & Cash!

Streaming Do's and Don'tsMiracles Still Happen - YouTubeManiac Cop - Shudder.TV & FandorManhattan Chase - Amazon PrimePhenomena - Amazon PrimeThe Wild Card - The Great Superpower DebateBeing a Vulcan - 2.5/10 stars (Not good)About Tango & Cash - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Who is the man that gets into all of the Hollywood hang down competitions? Kurt Russell, that’s who. This week he will be comparing his star penis, I mean power, to that of one Sylvester Stallone. Apparently the two got along just fine as there was probably no illusions as to Stallone being the big boss on the picture. The caveats of Stallone pictures of the time are all there, firing the DP before shooting, starting to re-write the script after shooting starts, having more than one person rewrite the script without communicating with one another. Firing the director after the project has gone over budget by almost double. I guess Kurt saw that things were well in hand and didn’t bother making any more interference, Stallone would later praise him for being a real pro, despite Russell being the fall back option to Patrick Swayze who ditched the production for Road House. By the time the dust would settle on the set, there would be 4 directors including Stallone, 5 if you count Stuart Baird who is known for directing pictures in post-production and is Hollywood’s most rebound editing doctor, and there would be enough deleted scenes to make another movie. What remains is comedy gold. The largest feud during production was between Stallone who wanted it to be a very dark and brooding crime film and producer John Peters who wanted it to be a campy spoof of the popular buddy cop sub-genre. When you then bring in Baird to stir that pot together independently, you only get two things; Tango & Cash.

The cast list is almost as big as the repair bill on this thing. Terri Hatcher, Bryon James, Jack Palance, Geoffrey Lewis, James Hong, Robert Z’Dar, Michael Jeter, Clint Howard and many more, oh my!

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2012

2012
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Roland pulls out all the stops in the disaster genre by blowing up the entire planet (sorta). Bad science and bad acting abound in one heck of a production, but does that translate into a good time?

Lets just start by saying this film is way too long. By the 3/4 point even the diehard dumb movie viewer is tired and bored of the "excitement". It just keeps going and going and going. That would be ok if you could possibly be emotionally invested in the characters in anyway. But you just want them all to die.

The acting is awful. Woody Harrelson steals the show with his terrible hippie Art Bell. But he's not alone. John Cusask shows us why he went straight to VOD after this. His Jackson Curtis is about the least likable character in all of film. He's a giant douche who at no point redeems himself. Amanda Peet (who somehow manages to keep her top on) does nothing to thrill us. Danny Glover looks quite confused throughout.

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Prelude to 2012

Prelude to 2012
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Well we exit 2016 with a bang...sorta. We went ahead and re-recorded our previous attempt at 2012, since we bungled the first versions and now in all it's glory we dive into the 2009 film from stinker Hall of Famer, Roland Emmerich in which the world explodes...sorta.

Casual Do's and Don'tsHellbent (1988) - IMDBDemolition High - YouTubeThe Village of the Giants - MST3K on YouTube OR standard versionThe Wild Card - Pop Quiz Hotshot (2012 Edition)A Judy Garland dress which sold for $302,000 in 2012 was worn in which movie? The Wizard of OzWhat is the year 2012 in Roman numerals? MMXIIWho became the oldest actor to win an Oscar in 2012? Christopher PlummerWhat member of the Monkees died in 2012? Davy JonesName the devastating mid/N American hurricane of Oct 2012? SandyWhat film released in 2012 went on to win Oscar gold? ArgoRazzie winner? Twilight 4About 2012 (2009) - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

2012 released in 2009 as it would have been far too late otherwise. By the way, we are all currently dead. We collectively did not heed the words of Nostra-Dumb-Ass, nor did we individually learn to fly limousines; for shame. Roland Emerich tried to tell us in 2009, but we didn’t listen.  He also tried to tell us about magical gateways to the stars, and how great James Spader’s hair used to be. He also wants us to listen to what 50’Cent has to say, as the main character, Jackson Curtis, is names sort of backwards after the rapper. Upon writing this I realized I know really nothing about Curtis Jackson or know any of his songs, but with titles like: “I Get Money”, “I Get In” and “OK, You’re Right”, he probably isn’t wrong?

Emerich stated in an interview that this would be his last disaster movie, it wasn’t, not by a long shot.  I don’t know what he thought he was going to do? Make movie about horses? Heavy drama? – Coming this spring; An Inconsequential Day in March starring John Hurt and Jane Seymour, bring a pillow… - I am not against Emerich making more personal projects but he needs to keep blowing up landmarks until the ride his ass out of town on a rail.

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Black Christmas

Black Christmas
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When you've been stuck in an attic, are literally yellow, and forced to be your mom's sperm donor for your whole life, you're probably going to have some issues. So pick up your pokey objects and take some eyeballs out in the name of Santa!

The problem here is that this film, while somewhat entertaining, is just too generic and blasé. It's a slasher with fairly little imagination. When you come into a slasher film, you're here for one thing - ridiculous death scenes. This film does NOT have that. There's fairly vague death scenes (oh the camera cut away, the horror!), there's "deaths" that people wouldn't actually die from (such as a tiny icicle shattering through your skull, dropped from a height of 3 feet), and pretty meh makeup. The obsession with eyeball mutilation is over done and gets old after the first two eyeball sequences.

HOWEVER, the plot is super-super stupid. There's two killers, spoilers (too late). And they are possibly the worst, least effective slashers in the history of film. As mentioned, most people wouldn't die from their injuries inflicted, one lady dies on complete accident, and two of them die from impossibility, leaving 3 actual murders accomplished and 1 girl to go ahead and kill the slashers. Meaning out of 12 people, only 3 of them die. Pretty good work guys. Jason or Freddy would have tore through these dumb girls in about 15 minutes.

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Prelude to Black Christmas

Prelude to Black Christmas
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Jingle jingle and egg nog hangover ahoy! It's that magical time for awful crappy holiday movies and Jackie's dialed up a slasher with a special Xmas message; don't ever remake a classic film with a bunch of day-player bimbos.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsNine Deaths of the Ninja - Mill Creek - B-Movie Blast 50 PackHundra - Amazon/EpixMissing in Action - YouTube/TubiTVThe Wild Card - Good Xmas/Bad XmasEternia - He-Man/She-Ra Xmas SpecialHobo with a Shotgun TownKazook - Star Wars Holiday SpecialAbout Black Christmas (2006) - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Bob Clark’s career spanned 5 decades and some of his more treasured works are, Porky’s, A Christmas Story and the multi award winning Murder by Decree. He also was responsible for a laundry list of stinkers, including but not limited to; Rhinestone, The Karate Dog and three films which have landed in the conversation of worst movies ever made, those being, Turk 182! and the Baby Geniuses duology. Hard to imagine that the same guy could give you a piece of treasured Americana like A Christmas Story while in the other hand delivering a turd sandwich like Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2. 1974’s Black Christmas was Clark’s fifth film and it marked his break out of ultra budget films. It reportedly returned $4 million against a budget of $620k. In 2006 he decided to remake the film, acting only as producer in this case. This time around the film would return $16 million against a budget of $9 million.

Glen Morgan, veteran producer who also directed the remake of Willard would be brought on to direct. Though notable for working in the horror genre, the majority of his time has been spent producing television shows for Fox. After leaving the X-Files he would create Space Above and Beyond, which apparently only I liked.

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3000 Miles to Graceland

3000 Miles to Graceland
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Two A-Listers make us question their entire career in what appears to be a metaphorical hang-down contest of who is the tougher guy that gets weekly manicures and follicle treatments. It's Costner vs Russell in full Elvis tradition....the tradition of dying on a toilet.

3000 Miles to Graceland is one of the most inaccurate titles ever. See this map: http://obeattie.github.io/gmaps-radius/?lat=53.484652&lng=-99.643463&z=3&u=mi&r=3000. That is 3000 Miles from Graceland (Elvis' house). Now we learn that the ship Kurt Russell tries to get to and is located in Mt. Vernon, WA and their trip starts in Las Vegas. That is a journey of about 1,800 miles. So good job already.

Now as far as the film. It sucks. Costner stinks, Russell stinks, Arquette REALLY stinks (but dies early so there's that) and Slater stinks. Courtney Cox looks pretty good but she unfortunately stinks as well. No one in this film is likeable. 

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Prelude to 3000 Miles to Graceland

Prelude to 3000 Miles to Graceland
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Put on your sequin jumpsuit, grow out your side-burns, and fry up them bananas because we've got a movie this week that features too many Elvis' and so many Razzie nominations. It's Kevin Costner vs Kurt Russell in a no hold barred competition of who can suck more.

Casual Do's and Don'tsMurder Weapon (1989)Future Hunters - Part of the Mill Creek Sci-Fi Invasion PackThe Wild Card - Who Would Win in a Knife FightKevin Costner vs Kurt RussellAbout 3000 Miles to Graceland (2001) - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

There is nowhere in the lower 48 states that is a distance of 3000 miles to Graceland. The furthest point from Graceland in the contiguous United States is the border to Canada in Washington State, north of Seattle. It is a little over 2500 miles from Graceland. Through rushed deduction and relatively unsound mathematics I have decided that the major city that would be closest aforementioned distance would be Calgary, known for it’s famous rodeo, not so much it’s Elvises.

This film would be directed by Damien Lichtenstein and the script would be provided by Richard Recco with Lichtenstein’s involvement. Though it would seem that Lichtenstein was prolific in music video, Recco was and is relatively unknown. So how is it that these novices in the industry would get a budget of $62 million from Warner Brothers around the year 2000 to produce a heist film, which is a genre know for more modest budgets.

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ThanksKilling

ThanksKilling
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While we're too late for Thanksgiving, it's never too late for a movie about an ancient Native American curse that manifests itself in the form of a very dirty mouthed killer turkey. When you have 0 money and you accomplish what was done here gives us a tip of our hats but a wag of the finger too.

ThanksKilling deserves to be congratulated. It's a better film in all standpoints than the majority of films that cost 0 dollars to make and better than even a majority of films by The Asylum or any crummy gimmick movie showing daily on SyFy. The effects aren't bad, many jokes delivers (some do NOT), the pacing is never dull, and the bad acting is pretty fun. It deserves some merits.

With that it mind, it's a little much. The vulgarity of the turkey tends to get a little old, well after the first line really. The jokes can run a little many with the majority of them falling flat. That's not to say this isn't a funny movie. It's just there's about 60 times more jokes than your common film. It's wall to wall. So if they only have 6 or 7 really good jokes (which is pretty decent) that means there's a thousand that aren't funny. 

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Prelude to ThanksKilling

Prelude to ThanksKilling
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Whether we're late on our Thanksgiving episode or not, we're still going to enjoy a delightful little film about a killer turkey enacting revenge upon all white people for the horrors put upon the Native Americans. Sounds plausible...

Streaming Do's and Don'tsJudge Dredd - NetflixHard Target 2 - NetflixSanto vs las Mujeres Vampiro - (Samson vs the Vampire Women) MST3K, YouTubeThe Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight?Turkey vs PigOlive vs CranberryRegular Mashed Potatoes vs Cauliflower Mashed PotatoesAbout ThanksKilling - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

ThanksKilling was shot on a budget of $3500 in the summer of 2007 and it received it’s official release on DVD in 2009. It seems to be the brain child of Jordan Downey, who has little credits outside of the ThanksKilling series. The main assists would be from working editor and writer Brad Shultz and working cinematographer Kevin Stewart. Though Downey’s only major titles include ThanksKilling and it’s $100k Kickstarter sequel, ThanksKilling 3. Shultz however has over 30 editing credits as well as over 20 writing credits, there are some sprinkled in directorial credits as well. He seems to be a man of my own heart. Some of his more personal short projects involve the NFL. These are the sort of special projects that both alienate fans of football and fans of comedy. After the 99% think you’re an idiot, myself and the other one percent, or fans of extraordinarily obscure comedy not the social elite, will regale. His projects in this arena include Vince Young for Towels and Rob Gronkowski Erotic Fan Fiction with Charlotte McKinney and Rob Gronkowski. Kevin Stewart, who was the other producer, cinematographer and additional writer, has over 50 shooting credits.

In terms of how lean the films production was, the film was shot in 11 days and nearly every shot was used in the final incarnation of the film. Only one sequence shot wasn’t used though it wasn’t in the script. They had shot one of the characters running through a cornfield on a whim and then afterwards realized there was literally nowhere it would fit. Preproduction and filming occurred completely during summer break between Downey and Stewarts Junior and Senior year of college, so it is and it isn’t a student film, at which point we can now compare it to Cannibal the Musical as it was made under similar circumstances.

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Deuces Wild

Deuces Wild
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If you love films where skinny guys with giant heads get into a "I'm tougher than you" contest with lots of undramatic slow-motion surrounded by even more unattractive women, than this movie is for you. Good luck with your life.

This film is a huge POS. We normally give films the benefit of the doubt here but this film truly is a giant pile of crap with nothing redeemable to it. No film has less going for it. Truly. Its unviewable. Even A Star is Born or Mortal Kombat: Annihilation or Grumpy Cat's Xmas have at least one or two things going for them. This doesn't even have one. Not one. Every aspect of this film is crap.

The actors (who some are respectable, not in this) all decided to get up and put on "punch me faces" for the making of this film, even notorious precocious scamp Frankie Muniz. Yes this film makes you want to punch a child, and Matt Dillon. And sorry Walking Dead fans, Norman Reedus stinks and so does Walking Dead.

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Prelude to Deuces Wild

Prelude to Deuces Wild
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Sam's pick this week gives us an in-depth look of late 50s Brooklyn street gang tough guys. They are tough right? Stephen Dorff and Brad Renfro...they're notorious tough guys, right? James Franco? He's tough....right?

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe Golden Child - StarzThe Monkey King: Havoc in Heaven's Palace - NetflixDirty Grandpa - EPIXWild Card - Who would win in a Knife Fight?Kevin Bacon vs Stephen DorffAbout Deuces Wild - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Martin Scorsese has taken a number of large deuces, most of them stayed in the toilet, this one went wild… Scorsese was apparently a producer on this with famed Frank Caruso. Scorsese was able to get his name off of it while Caruso was not.

Scott Kalvert was known for pooping outside of the toilet. As a director he gave us such titles as The Basketball Diaries with +13 sass dunkin’ DiCaprio, the Marky Mark workout tape, as well as, of course, seminal film classic, Deuces Wild. Kalvert would go on to kill himself at the age of 49 leaving behind a wife and two daughters.

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88 Minutes

88 Minutes
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Al Pacino stinks up the entire production of a film with such little story that 88 minutes is just ridiculous fluff. With tons of bad hair, sexual assault, disappearing actors, quite dubious motivations, non-linear time, drunk actors, and questionable filler material. It's pretty bonkers.

Lets start with Al Pacino. He stinks. I'm sorry world, Pacino stinks. He's great. We love him. He's hilarious. But he's not exactly Lawrence Olivier. And this film is a highlight of how bad he is. His hair is outlandish. His skin changes shades of orange and he's just as confused with the film as we are. Great fun, great fun. Except for Alicia Witt, she gets sexually assaulted maybe more than any actress ever by an A-Lister....

Then there's the surrounding players. The world won't be too surprised but Leelee Sobieski stinks. She's always stinky though. Seriously, name a good movie she's ever been in. She's a pariah on film. Fantastic crappy performance here. There's a dean who is quite drunk. Billy Forsythe is exactly what you expect from him. All makes for fun.

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Prelude to 88 Minutes

Prelude to 88 Minutes
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A fan request comes in this week for some Pacino so we attempt to tackle the 2007 trainwreck about a guy who only has 88 Minutes to solve a murder....his own. Oh my gosh what an amazingly original concept, he said sarcastically. But as fans of terrible acting, we think this has potential.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsSerpent's Lair - Amazon PrimeThe Howling VI - Amazon PrimeNightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors - Rent from take your pickThe Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor - the Pacino editionMichael Coreleone - The Godfather seriesLt. Col. Frank Slade - Scent of a WomanThe Devil - The Devil's Advocateany other role ever....About American Kickboxer 2 - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

This is another attempt to bottle suspense by presenting the story in “real time”. Other valiant attempts at this were the not wonderful films, Nick of Time with Jon Depp and Phone Booth with Colin Farrell. I just looked over the fairly short list of real time films and it looks like they all stink. I am not sure about Die Hard for two reasons, one I feel like there is some forward cutting at the end and two, I don’t know if I actually like Die Hard. For some reason Run Lola Run is on this list and thought the vignettes are presented mostly in real time the fact that there are three vignettes dealing with probability and possibly parallel time lines would in my eyes disqualify it from being in “real time”. Shame on you, who ever miscategorized that film.

This $30 million train wreck was engineered by famed producer Jon Avnet, who directed Fried Green Tomatoes, and then a bunch of movies that weren’t nearly as good. As a producer he is responsible for a cavalcade of projects including Black Swan and The Mighty Ducks. I found while sifting through his filmography that he produced a 1992 television film entitled The Nightman. I like to get sidetracked on Nightman and how often it gets used as a name. Glen A. Larson also did a TV show called Night Man. Listeners should take a gander at the Night Man costume as he looks like a total butthole.

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Blood Freak

Blood Freak
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This episode of the podcast centers around the classic Thanksgiving film from 1972, Blood Freak. Its that old tale of a man who smokes a little pot, eats an entire turkey and those goes on a tryptophan fueled and murderous rampage by becoming a freaking turkey. Yep. That's it.

Blood Freak is freaking insane and one of the worst movies ever made. The production values are incredibly poor with poor lighting, out of focus shots, terrible set design and horrible acting. It's right in line with films like Eegah!, Monster A Go-Go, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, or anything starring Tor Johnson. How this managed to get past the MST3K crew is a mystery deeper than where the hell is Amelia Earhardt.

As its sooooo bad, it's super super super fun. Its so riffable as it is terribly paced and stuffed with ridiculous scenarios and dialogue. At one point, the main turkey's fresh girlfriend and apparent fiance finds that her love is now a turkey head guy but decides to have sex with him anyways. Add in the entire films premise and you've got a must see on your hands.

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