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Invasion USA

Invasion USA
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Sam, Jackie and Justin delve into the intense neo-political sub-tones of Invasion USA...and all the Spolsions. Chuck Norris wears a curly mullet and tells you, "It's time to die" unless he doesn't also have a rocket launcher. BOOM!

So the fun thing about Invasion USA is Chuck Norris' impenetrable calmness. No matter what happens on screen, he's completely deadpan throughout and never raises his voice above a whisper ("Time to die, Rostov"). It's an achievement in non-excitement. Just look at the movie poster and imagine Chuck doing insane things with that expression on his face all the way.

The plot of this film is pretty ridiculous as well. There's some plan by an unknown group of assorted bad guys who appear to be from all over the world. It's affirmative action bad guy group as there's Russians, Cubans, Middle Eastern guys, and probably some Madagascans in there as well. Sam believes that they are mercenaries from all over and are only in it for the money. We still aren't sure what "it" is that they are in for, but it appears to be just invading the suburbs of Florida. Maybe it's just for general terror but then, how do you pay the mercenaries?

As is tradition, with most Chuck Norris movies the fun lies in the action and Chuck delivering one-liners. Chuck has the power of plot convenience as he knows where the bad guys are about to cause their unique bad-guylery and springs into action from whatever location looks the most bad-ass. Sometimes he jumps on them from on top of 3 stories buildings or from his bitchin' 4x4. He also has unlimited ammo, of course.

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Masters of the Universe

Masters of the Universe
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Good journey! Ever wanted He-Man to leave Eternia and show up in YOUR town. Well this week he does just that along with the rest of his goons and Skeletor..ish.

There's some really dumb bits about this film but they are so dumb that they makes it fun. The costumes are just as ridiculous as the special effects and the set designs. There is some pretty rad action sequences that are pretty laughable such as the Centurions who have some flying jet-skis that look pretty bad. However the laughs are few and far between as the movie mostly consists of some guys wandering around and groan-worthy moments of the Eternia people not understanding life on Earth.

Unfortunately, He-Man himself kinda blows. He's more of a gun-guy than a sword wielding power-man. Dolph Lundgren (He-Man) does his best with his very limited English speaking abilities so it's really not his fault. It just seems like no one involved had a concept of who He-Man was or had ever seen what he's all about. I understand that the budget was very minimal to work with but instead of just using the budget to get as close to He-Man as possible, they instead just change the character to fit with other action movies. It just doesn't work.

In the end, this film is quite bad. The character motivations are dubious and if you take the time up to come up with your own theories about what they are trying to achieve, you're left with a plot that's got some pretty big plot holes. The acting is wonky, especially with Frank Langella and Meg Foster. But truly the primary problem is that it's just too damn boring, unless you like movies about people wandering to and fro with little aim.

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