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Zombeavers

Zombeavers
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Take beavers, add radioactive waste, a cabin in the woods scenario and you've got the idea behind Zombeavers. Add annoying characters, a series of missed opportunities, confusion on what the film is trying to do, doing the dog in the wrong way, and far too many unintentional cliches to be bothered with. If you enjoyed films like Cabin Fever, Cabin in the Woods, or Dale and Tucker Versus Evil then this film is a platform for disappointment. This is much more like Wolf Cop. Bummer.

The primary problem with the film is that it doesn't know what it is. Is it a comedy that takes a satirical look at all of the tropes of your typical budget monster movie? Or is it just a crapped out, lazily written horror movie that doesn't bother to create anything new other than that the antagonist is furry beavers? There's points of the movie where you think "Oh good they get it and this is going to be fun" such as the opening with John Mayer and Bill Burr, or bothering with much of a scientific explanation of the beavers being zombies or instead of when bitten you just become a zombie of whatever species you are, you become a zombeaver version of whatever species you are. But then it trips over a plethora of plot details that get setup but go absolutely no where or fail to deliver the right joke that is blatantly staring the audience right in the face. Its like someone is pitching the script perfectly at a writer who has never swung a bat before. Swing and miss. Swing and miss.

The actors....wow. Quite the mix of people that you either absolutely hate (I'm talking to you Sam (Farenheit 51 AKA Hutch Dano)) or completely don't care about at all (Talking to you Jenn (Lexi Atkins)). The characters and actors that you DO care about and like are on screen for far too little specifically the aforementioned Mayer and Burr, as well as the neighbors and Smyth (Rex Linn).

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Slipstream

Slipstream
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Bob Peck goes for a ride in a plane with Bill Paxton and along the way the pair go on a personal journey and discover who they really are. Oh and Mark Hamill chases them in his airplane as well. Its one hell of a hot mess, with confusing plot lines, unstated character roles, and mentions to major plot hubs that never get flushed out. But its still a pretty fun ride.

Somewhere in Slipstream is a good movie. There some really cool science fiction ideas, gorgeous aerial footage, questions raised about what life truly is and solid concepts about life in a post-apocalyptic world. This really could have been a movie that people respected and possibly not cost Gary Kurtz his movie career. We don't think that it ever would have been a really successful film but a good ol' muligan may have turned this into a pretty popular film.

Unfortunately, there are some serious problems here. Firstly, the easy one to spot is Bill Paxton. If you are familiar and/or love Paxton like we do, you'll know that his charm is not in his acting skills. This film (much like Cage in Wicker Man) is the role Paxton was born to play. The Paxton is turned up to 12 here. It's great in a terrible way. His character is just a total knob and Paxton is the only guy that can really nail knob unintentionally.  He just won't keep his mouth shut at any point and he's always got something snarky to say. But the snarky lines that come out of his mouth are so dumb. If you encountered this character in real life, no matter the situation, you would have to stop and laugh at him.

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Captain America

Captain America
Is Peyton Manning Captain America?
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Matt Salinger dons the role of weak but honorable Steve Rogers and becomes Captain America as part of the Super Soldier Program so that he can be strong enough to stop the Nazi equivalent, the Red Skull. Sound familiar? Well that's about all this film has in common with anything that you know about Cap. The rest is pretty much the dumbest hot mess that you could possibly imagine.

Albert Pyun's Captain America is maybe the worst adaptation of a single character that has ever been made. Matt Salinger is awkward moving at all times and shows absolutely no athletic ability. Captain America is a bit of a dick as he really shows little concern for other people. He's about as smart as a box of hair. He really never succeeds in any mission nor is he ever known by the world as a WWII superhero, even though when he is unthawed the world seems to care, despite having never heard of him before.

The visuals (costumes, effects and action) are horrendous and make up the best part of the film. By best I mean that they are hilarious. Cap's outfit looks like its made of vinyl and seems to get ripped up randomly from what we can only infer is that Matt Salinger leaned up against walls too much. The shield looks like an after dinner peppermint. Red Skull only has Red Skull face for the first 5 minutes on screen. The Red Skull rat is epic bad stop-motion. The list of bad visuals goes on and on.

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Universal Soldier

Universal Soldier
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Dolph and Jean Claude square off with the assistance of Roland Emmerich in the blockbuster film, Universal Soldier. The idea is that there is a military program that takes dead soldiers and reanimates them, while erasing their memories so that they can become undead badass guys. Are they zombies? Or just slightly retarded guys with guns?

The film is a very early Roland Emmerich work and really lays the foundation for his career. All of the staples that you see in a Roland Emmerich film are setup here. Plot details that just get glossed over (JCVD's accent for example), punchlines that involve people looking quizzically at each other after something ridiculous happens, action shots that seem crazy but you just really can't tell what's happening...Of course, JCVD also delivers some of the staples of his films as well including excessive shots of his butt and a lack of explaining his ethnicity. Dolph is just Dolph.

Unfortunately, this film is a tad boring. There's far too many scenes of the Universal Soldiers pondering what life is now that they are dead or reliving the last moments of the life before they died and then pondering. We get it. JCVD doesn't know how his weiner works and Dolph has an obsession with chopping ears off but there is far too little action. However, the action sequences that do happen are quite exciting and fun but are too few and far between.

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American Kickboxer 2

American Kickboxer 2
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American Kickboxer 2 is a one of a kind achievement in horrendously bad acting, awful dialogue, poorly performed stunts, and incredibly stupid plot. It really is a perfect storm in bad action movies. With this combined tour de crap, it becomes a laugh a second tornado of awesomeness. This is too rad to ignore.

Essentially, a rich family's child is kidnapped and the mother has to recruit two tough guys from her past to rescue her. Sounds simple right? Well lets try this again. The owner of a successful plumbing company has a slightly mentally handicapped child who gets kidnapped by action guys. She contacts her tough guy ex-husband and her tough guy ex-lover and explains to both of them that they have an 8 year old child and that she's been kidnapped. The two tough guys then proceed to fight each other more than bad guys until a hooker tells them that a warehouse that stores guys who don't actually work there and just have upstairs "Fight Club" also contains the kidnapped child. At that point they end up having to fight each other to the death, when a pothead frees here by using cockroaches. Movie ends with an implied three-way. Wow.

As I mentioned the acting is awful.......ly awesome. Evan Lurie and Dale Cook are ridiculously bad. Dale shouts all of his lines but is unintelligible because he has to have a toothpick in his mouth at all times (including fight scenes). Evan Lurie, in the true spirit of the film, does the exact opposite and mumbles ever line because "he's so peaceful". Tackleberry is completely unbelievable as a fat Vince Vaughn/business executive/action guy and Kathy Shower does her best concerned mom routine (who is surprisingly better at it than Erika Eleniak).

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The Wraith

The Wraith
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Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid and Nick Cassavetes do battle with making sense as The Wraith and vengeance storm Arizona.

This movie is sweet. It's a real brainbuster as to why this isn't a more widely known film. If you were born as a male from 1975-1985 and you had seen this film at about the age of 11, it would have easily been your favorite film. Its got everything you could want: sweet cars, racing, cool guys, explosions, boobs, and a sprinkling of some magic baloney. We can only figure that because there's 4 sets of boobs in it that most parents wouldn't let their children see it. Well guess what, now we're all adults and this movie should be a big deal. If you haven't seen this, stop what you're doing and go watch it. It's for you.

Chaz plays Jake Kesey or The Wraith (or is the Dodge M4S The Wraith?) who is, as near as we can tell, a ghost of vengeance that is from the future. He could also be a reborn star (the cosmos kind) who has formed itself into a handsome charming guy. Either way, he's a dead guy who comes back to get vengeance on the gang of nutsacks who murdered him (three times) and stole his babe (Sherilyn Fenn). 

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Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
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Russ and Roger go beyond in this under-whelming tale of how LA is tough on people, I guess. It's really a tale of people having banter that doesn't work for the viewer and then boning. Nothing happens in the film until 90% of the way through. We say less banter, more boobies.

We'll just go ahead and say that this was a massive disappointment. We were hoping for some really far out zany business with a nice backdrop of solid chests. Unfortunately, its mostly just music video, party, banter, music video, party, banter, tame boning, music video, banter, party, wedding, credits. This formula equals a sum of boring for 3/4 of the film. The pacing and writing seem to try to shock the viewer but I can't even imagining in 1970 that this film was shocking. Its as if you are told that people can be gay and then the person telling you this looks at you as says "Aren't you shocked? You must be shocked? That's SOOOO shocking" while you look at this person and wonder if they've ever been outside. How naive did Russ and Roger think people were in 1970? People have sex and do drugs?!?! Whoa...

The acting is par for the most part, we wouldn't call it really good or bad; only a few people really blow it and give us something to remark on. Which is another strike. There is only a couple of laughable performances. This in spite the fact that most of the cast is made up of Playmates.

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Megaforce

Megaforce
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We complete Carl's Inaction in Action trilogy with one of the most ridiculous movies ever made. The leaders of the world have confirmed the existence of Megaforce. They are then hired by a crusty old man to blow up his helicopter.

We all feel that Megaforce is absolutely necessary if you love bad movies. Sam has it in his Hall of Fame. It's required viewing. If you haven't seen this please take 99 minutes and watch this on YouTube. Its a great time and the laughs never stop coming.

One of the greatest debates of all time is what does Megaforce actually do? What do they accomplish? What is this movie about? What happens? There are as many theories to the answers of these questions as there are about the meaning of life.

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Furious 7

Furious 7
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I think you may not need us to tell you whether you should view this film or not, because you've already seen it. Everyone on Earth has already seen it. This movie is a bigger deal than The Beatles, Moses, and Channing Tatum's undies rolled into one. So instead here's just some general thoughts.

The Fast and The Furious franchise is maybe the best thing that Universal has ever given the world. Its single movie viewing experience that has a little bit for everyone. People from all walks of life love this shit. You could find yourself sitting next to the Mayor or a homeless man in the theater and at one point you'll give either of them high-fives. We should drop these movies out of airplanes instead of bombs and there would be peace.

It should be noted that Justin gave bad info in this episode. The movie does NOT have an 87 Metascore. It's at 67. Which is pretty high. Everyone forgets that they are watching a movie that makes no sense and has terrible acting. And it doesn't matter. That's a good thing for bad movies.

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The Fast and the Furious (1955)

The Fast and the Furious (1955)
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In one of Roger Corman's first films, one guy gets framed for manslaughter (as best as we can guess) and must steal a Jag and a lady to escape to Mexico. He somehow ends up getting sidetracked by entering into an auto race and by falling in love with said stolen lady. Zowie!

Well, this movie stinks. It's not worth your time at all. Its painfully boring all while trying to be super sophisticated and smart. It's neither of those things. The plot is not very flushed out and the series of events that happen to put the main guy (Frank Webster) on the path to the end are dubious at best. There's far too many things that just don't make any sense and kind of need to, even going by bad movie fan standards.

The characters are annoying and attempt to banter their way through their predicament, which somehow just ends up contradicting the previous thing they just said each time they open their mouths. The conflict is quite bland as they plainly could just drive to Mexico because no cops are going to ever arrest them. Here's a pretty typical example of intrigue:

(Paraphrasing)

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Xanadu

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We dare to tackle 1980's danceical/musical/drama/romance/comedy/disaster that is Xanadu. We all know the story. Its that old tale of an artist that has no talent or motivation or confidence meets a magical roller skating deity that gives him the ability to meet a guy who has all the money and to woo him into investing several millions of dollars into building a roller-skating club/disco. You know that old tale.

Lets get straight to the mustard. This movie stinks. Its one of the worst ideas ever created. Let's take a the above idea, write a script that is 3 pages long, take a current hot "talent" who is mediocre at singing, dancing, and acting, intentionally put in bad special effects and throw in Gene Kelly just so you can feel bad for him. Xanadu is not so much a train wreck and more of a genocide of puppies. You really want to take your eyes off it.

Olivia Newton John is the centerpiece of this film in an eerily similar way as Babs was in A Star is Born. She is continually on camera as if the entire movie is just one big music video to prove to you all how wonderful she is. Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she???? No. She's at no point good or bad. She's just mediocre at everything. She's just an ok singer, she's just an ok dancer and she's just an ok actor but she's so crammed into your face during this thing that you wonder who saw what in this concept.

The plot is dumb (the main guy is a wanker that has no abilities or skills and no work ethic (like going to work at all), yet a rich, experienced, professional, classy guy is willing to make him a 50/50 partner in remodeling a nightclub that would cost millions in investment. Oh yeah, they are Eskimo Brothers (look it up) through one mystical transparent girl who is the daughter of Zeus (credited as Male Heavenly Voice). Icky.

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The Delta Force

The Delta Force
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Part 2 of Carl's Inaction in Action series, we look at Chuck Norris and Lee Marvin in the Cannon Group's The Delta Force. It's part best hijacking movie ever and then part iconic Chuck Norris ridiculous action. Sometimes you in suspense and then other times your slapping your head in how preposterous it is.

There's two movies here. One is a slow-paced, well directed, solidly acted hostage crisis movie. The other is 100 guys invading a country and blowing everyone up. The first 100 minutes have 0 shots fired. It isn't even until 114 minutes that The Delta Force starts firing bullets back. But once they start shooting they don't stop until there's about 3 minutes left in the film.

So again I have to review this based on the two different movies. The first movie is very frightening. You really feel fear for the characters and there's some very heavy and serious thematic elements brought up. This all may be even more relevant today than it was in 1986 (when the film was released). There's anti-Semitic conflicts and Holocaust connections. There's general terror as we all know how awful a plane hijacking is.

But at the same time, the two main terrorists (one of which is maybe Robert Forster's best performance which is saying something) flip-flop back and forth about how evil they are. Sometimes you almost expect them to be revealed as misunderstood freedom fighters but then they just get downright villainous. Very strange.

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Catwoman

Catwoman
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Episode audio warning: there is a weird bumping the mic sound for the first 20 minutes of this episode. We completely apologize but we can't fix it. Its annoying and I hate it and want it to die but we can't fix it.

We are just going to say right out the gate that Catwoman sucks. It's awful. Pure garbage and terrible film-making. It very well may be the worst made movie that we have viewed on this podcast. This belongs in the bottom 20 on IMDB. Blech.

The movie attempts to be a special effects masterpiece. There is an amazing amount of unnecessary CGI that all looks completely awful. We know that this was 2004 and CGI wasn't quite as good as we have now. Simple solution = don't add it. So much of it could be eliminated and wouldn't change the movie in the slightest. Ugh.

The filmmakers also have no consent of reality and how things work in the world. Halle Berry's character is an "art designer" at a skin care company, however her boss yells at her for no reason and then tells her the basic "just be better at your job" managerial style that does NOT get you to be the CEO of a major corporation. She also delivers her art layout drafts to a science research facility across town, when her boss is just upstairs. 

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Gigli

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The Razzie sweeping film chock full of idiots, invades! We get Bennifer all over the place and its icky. This film currently (as of Feb. 2015) sits at #71 on the IMDB Bottom 100, so is it the as bad as it's setup or is it just Bennifer backlash?

The plot concept of the film is that one low level mafia guy (whose job is to make phone calls and hang out at restaurants) hires two other lower level mafia guys (Affleck and JLO) to kidnap and babysit a mentally handicapped teen brother, Brian, of a federal prosecutor. The hope is that this federal prosecutor will back off of the head mafia guy (Al Pacino). This plot is the first flaw with Gigli as it is completely dumb. Its revealed later that even Al Pacino's character thinks this was a terrible plan as it wouldn't work so therefore its just best to get rid of Brian and pretend like nothing happened....so there is no plot then?

The second problem of the film is the characters. They are all also completely retarded. Larry Gigli (Affleck) is despicable. He appears to have only been "thugging" for a few weeks as he has very little job skills. He's not prepared for the kidnapping/babysitting job as he completely doesn't understand how mentally handicapped people work and he's not evil enough to cut Brian up and send Brian-Bits to his brother. JLO is a verbally staunch lesbian that talks about how dumb weiners are but than later caves due to "words" said by Gigli. She is also completely not prepared for this assignment. Lewis appears to be the real idiot of the whole movie. He seems to be new to the mafia business. He's only got two employees (Gigli and JLO) and he doesn't know them at all so the whole thing is new. Plus he isn't working with Al Pacino so he appears to be a bad guy freelancer. He's probably getting jobs off Odesk of E-Lance. Al Pacino is also dumb as he has no actual talent working for him because he would otherwise just whack freelancing Gigli, JLO, Lewis and Brian and then come up with an actual plan.

Lastly, the writing is atrociously bad. Gigli and JLO talk at length about genitals in a philosophical debate and at other times have private parts poetry. Christopher Walken shows up for one scene and just rambles about nothing. JLO hides her real name for the majority of the film for absolutely no reason. At another point, JLO has a stalker girlfriend show up that makes absolutely no sense.

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Hell Squad

Hell Squad
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Take 1 kidnapped diplomat's son, a country that only has bad guys in it, one guy how is a bit of a dick, 9 strippers, shake and stir and you've got Hell Squad. We aren't really sure what this movie is (other than ridiculous), is it a comedy or action movie?

The story is that there is some new special WMD that can blow up organic material but not anything else. This is determined by finding a newspaper that is not burnt but evidence of a horse getting sploded after a test of the weapon, however since newspaper is made of paper which is made of trees which as far as I know are actually living and organic, should mean the newspaper would also burn. This is foreshadowing of the idiocy of the rest of the story. The rest of the story, is that terrorists have this weapon already but need a schematic for part of a rocket to launch it. It seems like they've already built the hard part though. So they kidnap a diplomat's son and ransom him for this schematic (which no country would negotiate this deal, sorry bud. You're dead). Well the answer to this problem is to take 9 Las Vegas showgirls, train them for 10 days, then send this into Karajan (bad guy country) and let them find the kid and bring him back.

The story is so dumb that I can only figure that its supposed to be a joke, but its presented in such a manner that makes it seem like its a solid premise for an action movie. However, jokes abound that may or may not be funny in the film. One lady can't use a rifle because he boobs are too big, there's a water shortage in Karajan so the girls all have to use the bath tub at once (and everyday) and spoiler alert - there's a Scooby-Doo ending.

With that all said, Hell Squad is a really good time and a very underrated bad movie. It's inept film-making at its best with a completely ridiculous story and presentation. You can watch it twice in a row because of how much laughing at it you'll do the first time around. We recommend it greatly.

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Deadly Prey

Deadly Prey
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Here's the deal...this movie rules. Period. It has instantly gone into our Hall of Fame because it does everything right in both good storytelling and horrendously terrible film-making. It is as good to watch as any "good" movie and is only topped by the very creme of the crap in bad movies. There may only be a handful of movies better to view than Deadly Prey and we couldn't argue with anyone if they put it at the top of their list. It's that good.

Let me put it this way. If you were talking films with a person that you'd just met, say at work or at class and they casually said, "So have you ever seen a movie called Deadly Prey?" there is potential that you might become best friends.

Ted Prior plays Danton. Or vice versa. I'm not really sure which. Danton is like a chimera, unicorn, or the Minotaur. He's a being of mythic proportion. Maybe more like Thor, Hercules, or Achilles. 2000 years ago, poets would have told tale of Danton to travelers and bards would have sung his adventures. So again, did Ted Prior play Danton or did the spirit of Danton come down from Olympus and possess good ol' Ted. Because their on-screen symbiosis is unbreakable.

I could talk about Danton all day but there was also a phenomenal movie that happened as well. This movie is bonkers. From the very first shot (when does that take place?) to the very last frame you are in. The last 5 minutes of the movie will blow your mind and when the credits roll, you'll stand up and clap. This is just bad film-making at its very best.

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Mercenaries

Mercenaries
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Cynthia Rothrock builds a team of elite tough gals made up of Zoe Bell, Kristanna Loken, Vivica A. Fox, and Nicole Bilderback to take down a broad-shouldered Brigitte Nielsen who is hell bent on being the CEO of a bad-guy factory. With the power of plot convenience and inept villains, the team invade "The Citadel" to spring the kidnapped First Daughter and maybe some sex slaves.

So the movie achieves two things - becoming the best Asylum movie ever made and reminding us why the cast is still stuck in the C-list bracket. The acting can be quite bad, especially from Vivica A. Fox who reprises her role from Sharknado 2 as Hammered Shit. Cynthia Rothrock helps out by playing the top of the CIA, but choose the worst hair style of all time, usually found on 16 year girls from small towns in Nevada. Zoe Bell dons a poopy face through the whole thing because I guess that looks tough. However, Kristanna Loken, Nicole Bilderback and Brigitte Nielsen surprisingly do a really good job especially Nielsen who dispute going to hell in the looks department plays a very sinister and maniacal villain.

There's some pretty rad parts of the films. The fight/actions scenes are pretty wild particularly the final chase/shootout and when the free the sex-slaves and let them attempt to get their vengeance from their captors. The dialogue is pretty solid for a cheesy action movie, specifically Cynthia Rothrock's explanation of the mission and Kristanna Loken's security guard seduction tactics.

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Beowulf

Beowulf
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Christopher Lambert (the T is silent apparently) dons the role of Beowulf and defends an outpost in the future or past from Grendel, one of the "damned" who is a monster surrounded by a fart cloud, and his super horny mother. To defeat this evil duo, Beowulf must use his endless array of MI6-like weapon/gadgets and a series of flips and hand-springs. How many denizens of the outpost will survive before Beowulf gets the job done (spoiler alert - just 1)?

Lambert gives us another shining example why he should be the lead role in every bad movie. He's awful. Seriously bad. He constantly has this look on his face that seems like he's just staring at nothing (it turns out he's legally blind) and his accent is like Tommy Wiseau had a baby with Shakira. He delivers each line like its the ultimate one-liner after killing the bad guy with a bazooka at the end of the film. Let me put it this way, Lorenzo Lamas and Michael Dudikoff are better actors. But Lambert steals the show with this method and we loved him for it.

The effects and fight choreography are completely ridiculous. Grendel looks like someone did a really nice job of creating a monster but some producer decided he wasn't evil enough so they put in a nice post-production green/purple fart cloud that envelopes him the whole movie. There's an incredible amount of backflips, cartwheels and hand-springs that Beowulf uses during fighting and all lead to him to getting punched in the face by Grendel. That's right, Grendel doesn't claw or bite or rip people apart; he punches them right in the face like he was Chuck Norris, while being a hulking mass covered in farts. It's amazing. 

The costume design is one of the most incredible pieces of this film. Anyone wearing armor has one of those glorious and well-thought-out helmets that have no eye-holes, so Lambert isn't the only one that can't see a damn thing I guess. Grendel's mom wears a see-through bit that looks like the remnants of bubble wrap that has all the bubbles popped or snot. We aren't sure which. Kyra (Beowulf's love interest) wears a booby-shirt through most of the movie, but also dons lingerie that doesn't make any sense as her pajamas. Beowulf seems to just wear the same battle attire every day and even when he sleeps or bones down.

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Undefeatable

Undefeatable
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Godfrey Ho or one of his 1000 other aliases, directs this stunning look into one man's child neglect issues and the subsequent internal conflicts that come about....mainly crazy mullet painting, eyeball collecting, insane kung fu fights and taking your shirt off.

Undefeatable is like a one-way ticket to nonsenical town. Don Niam plays "Stingray" a deatmatcher that fights in boxing gear and in a ring but killing the opponent is ok/encouraged (we don't know the rules) who becomes a wacko because he gets addicted to killing opponents. But he's also got mommy issues because at one point in his life she "went to get smokes" and never came back. Stingray's motivation for being nutty is pretty vague and unclear. But either way he's nuts. Really nuts. His wife leaves him because he's abusive so he goes on a hunt to find any and all women who resemble her and kidnap them, take their eyeballs and then dump the corpse. It should be noted that in this movie taking out someones eyeballs can and will be the cause of death. Any other actions taken are just for fun.

Meanwhile Cynthia Rothrock plays Kristi, a waitress/street fighter who is saving up money to pay for her sisters college. Unfortunately, Stingray takes Kristi's sister as one of his victims, so Kristi goes on a tirade through Kung Fu Town (everyone in this town knows kung fu, seriously) in a search for vengeance. Cynthia Rothrock is amazing in this film. Her fight scenes are epic, her acting is laughable (especially when she visits her sisters corpse in the morgue, which is in the police station apparently) and her air fighting practice is like something out of a bad break-dancing video. Its a tragedy that Don Niam and Cynthia Rothrock don't share more screen time because their singular screen presences are quite something and would be better if they could dual it out with their "acting" a little more.

We all loved Undefeatable but it just missed being a bad movie classic. The many reviews of this film praise it as being one of the best bad movies out there and we just don't see it. The film never has any unique over the top moments and gets a little stale here and there. We were expecting Megaforce but just got a really dumb kung fu movie of which there are thousands. It seems more people need to watch more bad movies. Still it is a complete recommend from us.

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Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Girls Just Want to Have Fun
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Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt remind us why the 80's should stay dead in this zaniest, craziest, wildest, freshest, bubblegum romp. Sarah Jessica Parker plays Laney, a girl who just wants to dance, and Helen Hunt plays Lynne who just wants to put weird stuff in her hair (lobsters, grasshoppers, dinosaurs, etc...). But the pair are thwarted by the reality of life and the harshness of societal norms (like jobs and school).

The movie is the 80's in a can of pepper spray applied directly to the head. Everything is pink. Everything. Fine. Everyone has atrocious fashion sense. Fine. The music is awful princess pop. Fine. If you can get past those things there's still more non-decade specific problems that this movie suffers from (and rewards with).

For instance, the complete lack of a concept of reality. The girls go to Catholic School but never show up and if they do they ditch pretty easily. The Catholic School also features very young and attractive nuns only. They also practice outdoor gymnastics (ladies' pommel horse?). Everyone in this film can instantly be best friends without ever being properly introduced as well. "Hey, you're that new girl, right?," one girl might say. "Wow, you're like totally my best friend now. Let's tell each other our deepest secrets and get into zany trouble!", the other would retort.

Age is also no concept in this film as there are some questionable relationships built based off the characters/actors inferred ages such as a (guessed but favoring the low side) 16 year old Jonathan Silverman in love with a clearly very young (12 at best) Shannon Doherty. Creepy. On a side note, Jonathan's character has no qualms with giving strangers the ol' Tune in Tokyo.

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