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Xanadu

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We dare to tackle 1980's danceical/musical/drama/romance/comedy/disaster that is Xanadu. We all know the story. Its that old tale of an artist that has no talent or motivation or confidence meets a magical roller skating deity that gives him the ability to meet a guy who has all the money and to woo him into investing several millions of dollars into building a roller-skating club/disco. You know that old tale.

Lets get straight to the mustard. This movie stinks. Its one of the worst ideas ever created. Let's take a the above idea, write a script that is 3 pages long, take a current hot "talent" who is mediocre at singing, dancing, and acting, intentionally put in bad special effects and throw in Gene Kelly just so you can feel bad for him. Xanadu is not so much a train wreck and more of a genocide of puppies. You really want to take your eyes off it.

Olivia Newton John is the centerpiece of this film in an eerily similar way as Babs was in A Star is Born. She is continually on camera as if the entire movie is just one big music video to prove to you all how wonderful she is. Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she???? No. She's at no point good or bad. She's just mediocre at everything. She's just an ok singer, she's just an ok dancer and she's just an ok actor but she's so crammed into your face during this thing that you wonder who saw what in this concept.

The plot is dumb (the main guy is a wanker that has no abilities or skills and no work ethic (like going to work at all), yet a rich, experienced, professional, classy guy is willing to make him a 50/50 partner in remodeling a nightclub that would cost millions in investment. Oh yeah, they are Eskimo Brothers (look it up) through one mystical transparent girl who is the daughter of Zeus (credited as Male Heavenly Voice). Icky.

As all as this sounds ridiculous enough to give it a try, we can't recommend it. Just watch VH1 Classic for 90 minutes and you'll enjoy your time about the same. This is JUST a music video that isn't very good. Just when you are starting to get into the very small amount of enjoyable banana business someone yells "Full Stop" and the dancing clappers come in to poo on your time.

Don't waste your time with Xanadu.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:0-star
Cheesy effects:4-star
Horrendous acting:2-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:1-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:1-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 2-star
Bad Movie Quality:3-star

Year 1: Year in Review: Part 1
Prelude to Xanadu

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Tuesday, 21 November 2017

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