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Voyage of the Rock Aliens

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The 80's eats far too much pixi-dust and barfs out the worst of it right into our faces. It's Pia Zedora showing off why a millionaire had to pay for her to act and Craig Scheffer giving poopy face for 90 minutes. If you want to make sure you've seen the worst musical, you can't miss this pile of no talent.

The deal with Voyage of the Rock Aliens is that it's a failed project before it even gets started. Originally it was supposed to be more like UHF instead it's more like Grease 2. You've got Pia Zedora attempting to launch her career by dancing like she's in a blender. On the opposite side of the obligatory love relationship is Craig Scheffer (yes Craig Scheffer from Nightbreed and A River Runs Through It) whose entire thing is to lip-sync over Jermaine Jackson and making poopy-face over and over and over and over again.

Believe it or not, the movie has a myriad of other terrible set pieces and acting. Each and every musical number (with the exception of the the Jermaine Jackson "When the Rain Begins to Fall" which wasn't supposed to be in the film) is absolutely atrocious as if you went to the mall and had the "Be in the Music Video" store produce your movie. The Rock Aliens are actually the band Rhema (mostly, the bass player wasn't screen-worthy apparently) who ALL have no business being on screen give us the majority of the musical numbers so I hope you like Devo knockoffs.

Add in a couple psychopath slashers, a tentacle monster, West Side Story knockoffs, bad costumes, future makeup, terrible robots, C.H.O.M.P.S. level comedy, Love Potion No. 8 devices, a cougar that lives in a school locker and Ruth Gordon and you've got a recipe for disaster that boils over onto your stove, making a permanent stain on your psyche.

Be warned, this one's not for everyone and can be a little tough to get through. You may end up squirming in your chair in discomfort. But it's an absolute must if you want to know what the worst musical is, love crappy 80's videos, or love touring IMDB Bottom 100 worthy films.

Check out Eric's Double Loop podcast at https://soundcloud.com/double-loop-podcast

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:2-star
Cheesy effects:3-star
Horrendous acting:5-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:1-star
Gratuitous nudity:2-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Nonsensical Plot:4-star

Riffability:5-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 2-star
Bad Movie Quality:6-star

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Monday, 23 September 2019

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