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The Hurricane Heist

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The US Dept of Treasury hires an ATF agent and some "Army guys" to protect $600 million on its way to a giant paper shredder. Then some baddies try to steal it. Set to the backdrop of a physically impossible hurricane. The only thing in their way? A weatherman and is mechanic brother. Too early to whisper SMABFA?

This movie is crap. Whether its enjoyable crap is a topic for debate, which we'll get into, but it's absolute crap. Fans of bad movies MUST see this film. It's astounding that we are still making screenplays that are this terrible. At no point did anyone bother to open a book to check out how hurricanes work. So the science is impossibly bad - like Armageddon bad. Yet, the science is not as bad as the plot. You guessed it, we're facing another round of the idiot plot. Both sides (good and bad guys) go out of their way to ensure the plot exists against their own interests. Stuff that next to atrocious dialogue such as:

"I hate old money. Been up too many noses and down too many G-strings."

So you've got the idiot plot, no knowledge of weather (or weather-men) and horrible dialogue and you've got the trifecta of awful screenplays.

While all that is happening there is a ton of great bad action. In total the characters die thirteen times without dying. What do I mean? Well they get stuck in situations (sometimes put their on their own) that by the rules of the movie itself, would have killed the characters only to see them somehow survive via the power of jump cuts. It's absolutely unbelievable - especially when the weatherman and ATF agent get the mechanic killed by sucking him into the hurricane only to have the mechanic casually show up later in a fishing boat. Bonkers.

While it's clearly going to be a SMABFA contender and one of the worst movies of the year, it's still not a great view. Necessary sure, but still not great. There's a lot of slow scenes and annoying backstory establishment (What the hell happened in Utah? Spoiler - you'll never know) that detract from the action. Look Twister suffers in the same way but we're carried through it by Paxton and Hunt and how they understand chemistry in acting. Maggie Grace and Toby Kebbell haven't figured out how that works. So don't expect anything great but you must at least check it out one time just to see that they are still making movies this bad.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:4-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:3-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:1-star
Riffability:3-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:6-star

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Sunday, 19 August 2018

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