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Steel

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He's a blue-collar Batman, that comes loaded with super-strength and a compassionate, pacifistic outlook. Slap on a bunch of not-bulletproof metal armor and give him a hammer/gun and Oracle (from Batman) and you've got Shaq looking pretty doofy.

So it stinks, sure. But we think this film is abused a little too much. It's currently at a 2.8 on IMDB and a 1.4 on Letterboxd. That puts it below Batman & Robin, and Catwoman. It's not even close to that bad. By your standard movie goer rating scale, this is just a 4. By our standards, it's a little higher than that. We make no claim that it's awesome but in no way is as awful as Catwoman. It's just a shitty movie.

However, it does have it's moments. The action is filled with dumbness. Steel's powers and weapons look terrible on screen. Shaq himself, in Steel Armor, looks like he belongs in Flash Gordon and he's just too damn big to be taken seriously. It appears the film-makers may have realized this and crammed this jobber with loads of camp. 

For some odd reason, someone thought it would be a great idea to draw a lot of attention to Shaq's dong. He continually gets shot by future weapons in the weiner, the camera hovers around it, and there's some pretty serious innuendo about size and his pelvic area. Yet it clearly should be targeted towards children - the movie, not Shaq's junk. Very strange decisions made.

It's a close call but we think Steel is a 2/3 do.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:4-star
Cheesy effects:4-star
Horrendous acting:3-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:2-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:3-star
Riffability:4-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 4-star
Bad Movie Quality:6-star

About Steel - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Dr. Shaquille Rashaun O’Neal, NBA Champion, Hall of Famer, Olympic Gold Medalist, Platinum selling recording artist, reserve police officer in both Los Angeles and Miami, and finally Honorary US Marshal, is most likely the most interesting man in the world. The guy from the Dos-Equis commercials can eat a whole plate full of shit.

Steel is Shaq’s third film following, Blue Chips and Kazzam. Had it not been for Michael Jai White, who starred in the travesty that is the Spawn adaptation, Shaq would have also been the first African American to appear as a comic book character in a major release. If we are all wondering why Shaq wasn’t in more movies after this, Steel was a tremendous flop and only returned $1.7 million against a $16 million budget.

Steel was a pet project for Quincy Jones. He liked the character and thought that the time was right for it as Shaq was about the biggest thing since sliced bread. He would enlist Kenneth Johnson to write and direct. Johnson, a veteran of television, didn’t want to direct a comic book movie, this in spite of him working on the Incredible Hulk series as well as the Six Million Dollar Man. I guess they talked him into it when he was given license to make it less comic book and more boring. My, how things have changed in Hollywood over 20 years.

The film co-stars Annabeth Gish, who you have seen and forgotten about over and over for about 25 years. Judd Nelson will grace us with his presence. This was during his perceived comeback when he was also in the not at all good sitcom Suddenly Susan. The truth is, Judd, never went anywhere, he just consistently stars in a minimal amount of not popular movies. Richard Roundtree will appear as Shaq’s on screen uncle and we will also get appearances from all but forgotten rapper Ray J, as well as Charles Napier.

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Thursday, 18 October 2018

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