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Speed 2: Cruise Control

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Some brainiac from Fox at one point, thought that making a sequel to Speed, take out Keanu, make 1/3 of it about failed marriage proposals, toss in the "idiot plot", and ADR every horrible dad joke you could possibly come up with. Speed 2 is a horrible, terrible, not enjoyable film.

What a horrible awful experience. None, none, none of it works. The effects, the acting, the action, the comedy, the romance, the music, the writing, the directing...none of it. It has zero redeeming qualities. That's a rare thing were not one person does their job.

It is notable for how much money they stuffed in the toilet. They spent way too much making this movie. If you can find a way to make the scene more expensive, they did it. From the daily rental of the cruise ship, to the helicopter fly over shots, the explosions, the early CGI, the overly elaborate crash scene at the end....endless tossing of money on stupid ideas.

Speed 2 is a complete waste of time and isn't viewable by anyone nor for any reason. Avoid this film. It sucks.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:2-star
Cheesy effects:3-star
Horrendous acting:3-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:1-star
Ridiculous stunts:2-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:0-star
Riffability:2-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 2-star
Bad Movie Quality:2-star

About Speed 2: Your Mom is a Speed Boat - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Cinematographer and frequent collaborator of Paul Verhoeven, Jan de Bont was given his first directorial assignment with the film Speed. After the success of his next film, Twister, he seemed to be a star on the rise his options were open and the only project he knew he wouldn’t be working on was a sequel to Speed, because it was obviously a stand-alone project. However, poor Janny boy was now in Hollywood, a place where you need to read your contracts and any film that makes a certain percentage over budget gets a sequel. I’m surprised he didn’t have to do a sequel to Twister; Twister 2: “Your Step Mom’s a Tornado”.

The fine print in de Bont’s contract had him returning if the financials were right. For whatever reason the stars were not contractually obligated to return, which is why Keanu Reeves opted to instead go on “tour” with his band Dogstar. That tour, regardless of how bad, was surely better received than Speed 2. Sandra Bullock eventually agreed to return if the studio would produce her pet project Hope Floats. Reeves was replaced with Jason Patric, who only did the picture because his salary was coincidentally exactly the same as the budgetary estimate for his pet project, Your Friends and Neighbors. Willam Defoe was settled upon after Gary Oldman turned down the film to instead do Air Force One.

Though de Bont has stated the script was written based on his boat crash nightmare, years after the production another story surfaced, one a great deal more plausible. The screenplay was originally an abandoned script for Die Hard 3. The timeline supports this as well. Die Hard was released in 1988, the sequel in 1990 and Die Hard 3: Die Hard with a Vengeance in 1995. In 1992, when we should have expected Die Hard 3, probably on a boat, Segal had beaten them to the punch with Under Siege, which is pretty much just Die Hard on a boat, only I feel a great deal more enjoyable; “I’m with you Casey”.

The resulting picture would be almost universally panned and would only reach a domestic box office of $48 million against a reported budget of $110 million. Later reports of the budget, probably for loss purposes on tax filings have the film’s actual cost more in the neighborhood of $160 million. It is more than likely the latter as they built an entire harbor, one quarter of a boat and had to rent the Seaborne Legend at $38k per day while also renting two other large vessels. They would also rack up a large bill on then too expensive computer effects. It would be nominated for 8 Razzies, yet only win for Worst Remake. Siskel and Ebert gave this 2 thumbs up. Roger Ebert before his death claimed he never had to defend a review as much as Speed 2 throughout his career. So…

KAEOF: Why do we think Gene and Rog liked this one?

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Sunday, 24 September 2017

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