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Queen of the Damned

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Lestat, a vampire, falls in love. That's it. The end. Podcast over. Really that's all that happens in this film. It is truly one of the most uneventful things ever viewed by man. It's a complete snooze fest.

It may seem like important things are going on. But really it is just guys and girls moving incredibly slow (so they look sexy, I guess) and overacting. Or perhaps they are compensating for the huge teeth crammed into the actor's mugs. Speaking of actors...

Aaliyah - She may have dead before this thing was released. That's a bummer. Many tears. That does NOT make her immune to having won an award for terrible acting. She was awful. Most notably her snake dance and her incoherent vamp talk. She's pretty hard to understand but when you did it doesn't matter. 

Queen of the damnedStuart Townsend - I'm not going to remark too much on his acting. As you can guess it's pretty bad. But I'd really like to remark on how he looks. So I guess this is more of a casting remark. He is the spitting male image of Keira Knightley. I used to think KK was a pretty woman. Stuart Townsend made her drop a few pegs. Nice.

The "music" - 2002 sucked. There's a reason that no one talks about the music of 2002. Using Jonathan Davis of Korn to do the soundtrack for your sexy vampire movie was a pretty bad choice. If these are the lyrics that Lestat the vampire is writing, its pretty clear he is a total douche:

Why is everything so f-king hard for me? 
Keep me down to what you think I shall pay! 
Must you tempt me and provoke the ministry? 
Keep on trying I'm not dying so easily(Repeat) 

Yes this is a bad movie. No its not any fun. There's is just nothing happening. Something needs to happen. It doesn't. I suppose if you are a fan of the Twilight movies then this one is for you. Boo this movie.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:1-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:1-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:3-star

Prelude to Spookies
Prelude to Queen of the Damned

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Sunday, 24 September 2017

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