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No Holds Barred

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People that make TV shows, write a script in 72 hours while blasting through piles of cocaine, that showcases their complete lack of knowledge about making TV shows. It's Rip v Zeus in The Battle of the Tough Guys that can only end in one way.... murder!

Nothing can describe the (at that time) WWF in the late 80s like No Holds Barred. Hulk is the #1 guy in the phony man-fighting and his entire schtick is on display here. There's no difference between the character of Rip and Hulk Hogan. Imagine a film called "Morgue Work" starring The Undertaker who's character name is Mortician Jim. Rip loves the kids, he loves his family and he loves making snorting sounds....just like Hulk Hogan. Which leads me to believe that Terry Hogan had more to do with writing this POS then Vince McMahon. I like to envision Terry writing in crayon in a furor while McMahon murders prostitutes in the corner.

Vince (covered in blood): Terry, you need any help over there? I've run out of prostitutes to murder. I could help out for a bit.

Terry makes inaudible, guttural snarling and smashes crayons into his hand.

There's plenty of bad plot elements, snarling and snarfing, a complete lack of lines for Zeus Lister, some heavy sexual harassment in the workplace, Neil Breen levels of sexiness, murder!, and general insanity. 

It's a pretty landmark bad movie and should be watched at the earliest opportunity by people not getting choke-slammed.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:3-star
Cheesy effects:1-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:3-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:4-star
Riffability:5-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 2-star
Bad Movie Quality:8-star

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Saturday, 20 October 2018

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