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Left Behind

Left Behind
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We get in the Cage and the Rapture when we visit the local $1 theater to see the remake of a classic stinker. Can it be worse than Kirk Cameron's Left Behind? Can it possibly be worse than Noah? Can it be the worst movie of all time?

The answers lie within...

Nic Cage stars as Rayford Steele, an commericial jet-liner captain with some poor taste and tact. He's ditches his family on his own birthday to fly a plane to go see U2 in London with his mistress flight attendant. It's ok to hate this guy. Mid-flight the Rapture happens and nothing is left of the Rapturees (?) except their clothes. Everyone panics, blah blah blah and then their plane gets hit by another commercial plane that has no pilots because (uh duh) they also got raptured. So now Rayford Steele and his journalist/future-son-in-law, Buck Williams must now rely on Chloe (Steele's God-hating, suicidal, melodramatic and (after a 5 minute conversation) love interest for Buck Williams) to find a place to land the plane.

Seriously, that's the whole plot of the movie. I'm not even sure if it's about religion or the rapture in anyway. We think the Rapture was just a plot device to setup Nic Cage flying an airplane that could crash.

Make no mistake this film is terrible. The acting is laughable, the effects haven't looked this bad since Air Force One and the screenplay is some of the worst we've ever seen. The non-diagetic music sounds is half 16-year-old girl who is a kiss up to her frumpy music teacher (you know the guy with the cardigan and the beard) and half guy who just got his first drum set and only wants to bang on it (I am also that guy). But its surprisingly disappointing in how not terrible enough it is. We all wanted it to be the worst movie ever made, but its just not. It's seems eerily familiar in its poor quality level to that of Snakes on a Plane or Trespass (no coincidence), but it isn't even on the same page of awfulness of movies like Manos, Plan 9, or Monster a-Go-Go. It's not even as bad as fellow 2014 Bible-pic, Noah. It is just about as bad as any movie on the SyFy channel and frankly that's just not good enough.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:2-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:1-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 2-star
Bad Movie Quality:5-star

Prelude to The Journey to the Far Side of the Sun
Bad Taste

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Wednesday, 16 January 2019

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