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Last Action Hero

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It was Schwaz' first box office flop and put up the current standard of spending way too much money on film marketing. It ranks high upon the worst returns of all film history. Yet there is a good film here and could have been a hidden gem -- had it not been for Danny and coming into "our world."

You may be among the hordes who avoided Last Action Hero. You should reconsider. It has that stigma of being a horrible film, but if you're a fan of this podcast then you will understand why we put it upon such a high platform with Hell Comes to Frogtown, Joe Vs The Volcano and UHF. While Joe is a far superior production and Hell is a far more efficient production, Last falls into bad movie legend with incredible amounts of money thrown at it, while clearly only going to work with a very small amount of movie goers. It's your classic case of men in ties making horrible decisions.

The primary mistakes the film puts upon its audience is the snivelly Danny (Austin O'Brien). It's not that Austin does a bad job (it's not good either) as a child actor (we've seen FAR worse, looking at you Jake Lloyd), it's just that Danny sucks. This is the last character you want to see in an over-the-top action movie, the whiny child who isn't having fun with us. THEN there is the always awful choice of bringing your fantasy characters through a magic portal into our reality. Our reality sucks. We don't want to be here, and we especially don't want the movie we are escaping our reality from coming into it. Blech. 

Yet every single minute that takes place inside Jack Slater's (Arnold) movie fantasy world is a treat. It's non-stop homage/satire/creation of action films and the characters within them. The stunts are fantastic, the self-deprecating comedy is top-notch, and as always, Arnold delivers non-stop fun and charm. 

Last Action Hero is one our favorite movies and rides that beautiful line between crap and brilliance. Must watch film.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:5-star
Cheesy effects:3-star
Horrendous acting:3-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:3-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:4-star
Riffability:3-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 5-star
Bad Movie Quality:7-star

The SMABFA (Stinker Madness Achievments in Bad Film-Making Award) Awards - 2017 Nominations

Best Bad Movie

  • The Great Wall
  • Geostorm
  • Rings
  • XXX: Return of Xander Cage
  • The Snowman
  • The Dark Tower
  • The Space Between Us
  • Valerian
  • King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Worst Bad Movie

  • The Mummy
  • Collateral Beauty
  • Transformers: The Last Knight
  • The Snowman
  • Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
  • Geostorm
  • Flatliners
  • Underworld: Blood Wars
  • Fifty Shades Darker

Best Bad Actor

  • Gerard Butler - Geostorm
  • Matt Damon - The Great Wall
  • Shawn Roberts - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
  • Vincent D'Onofrio - Rings
  • Michael Fassbender - The Snowman
  • Sam Worthington - The Shack
  • Javier Bardem - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
  • Ice Cube – XXX: Return of Xander Cage
  • Russell Crow – The Mummy
  • Idris Elba - The Dark Tower
  • Tom Cruise - The Mummy

Worst Bad Actor

  • Dane DeHaan - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
  • Tom Cruise - The Mummy
  • Will Smith - Collateral Beauty
  • John Depp - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
  • Ethan Hawke - Valerian
  • Val Kilmer – Snowman
  • Jim Sturgess – Geostorm
  • Javier Bardem - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
  • Jamie Dornan - Fifty Shades Darker
  • Vin Diesel - XXX: Return of Xander Cage
  • Matt Damon - The Great Wall

Best Bad Actress

  • Astrid Bergès-Frisbey - King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
  • Nina Dobrev - XXX: Return of Xander Cage
  • Milla Jovovovich - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
  • Tian Jing - The Great Wall
  • Octavia Spencer - The Shack
  • Kate Beckinsale - Underworld: Blood Wars
  • Rhianna - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
  • Britt Robertson - The Space Between Us
  • Abbie Cornish - Geostorm
  • Toni Collette - XXX: Return of Xander Cage
  • Deepika Padukone - XXX: Return of Xander Cage
  • Rebecca Ferguson -The Snowman
  • Ellen Page - Flatliners

Worst Bad Actress

  • Sofia Boutella - The Mummy
  • Kate Winslet - Collateral Beauty
  • Helen Mirren - Collateral Beauty
  • Dakota Johnson - Fifty Shades Darker
  • Milla Jovovich - Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
  • Keira Knightly - Collateral Beauty
  • Nina Dobrev - XXX: Return of Xander Cage
  • Kim Basinger – Fifty Shades Darker
  • Laura Haddock – Transformers: The Last Knight
  • Rhianna - Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

MST3K Riffibility

  • Rings
  • The Great Wall
  • Geostorm
  • The Snowman
  • Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
  • Fifty Shades Darker
  • King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
  • The Space Between Us
  • The Mummy
  • The Dark Tower

Most Nominations

  • The Mummy - 7
  • XXX: Return of Xander Cage - 7
  • Geostorm - 6
  • The Snowman - 6
  • Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets - 6
  • The Great Wall - 5
  • Collateral Beauty - 5
  • Fifty Shades Darker - 5
  • Resident Evil: The Final Chapter - 5
  • Rings - 4
  • The Dark Tower - 3
  • The Space Between Us  - 3
  • King Arthur: Legend of the Sword 111 - 3
  • Underworld: Blood Wars - 2
  • Transformers: The Last Knight - 2
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales - 2
  • The Shack - 2
  • Flatliners - 2
2017 SMABFA Awards
Simon Sez

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Thursday, 18 October 2018

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