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Half Past Dead

Half Past Dead
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Sam brings in Steven Seagal for his first time on Stinker Madness with his last time in the theaters and the reason for that becomes quite apparent. Oh and would someone please just off Ja-Rule within the first 4 minutes of this movie...please???? It's got Alcatraz, it's got gun fights, it's got slap fighting and it's also got all the characters from The Matrix! What could possibly be wrong with this film?

You know those movies that just get so boring after the first 5 minutes of action? This is one of those. It's really boring. Its quite hard to get attached to anything that is going on. Its another instance of characters and actors that you just want removed from your TV. It's also just a capsule of everything wrong with 2002. Its a long music video for any rap-rock band. Ick.

Ja Rule.....ugh. This guy sucks. Sucks so bad. He plays the obligatory tough street hood in just about any Seagal movie, yet he's the least tough guy ever caught on film. He constantly makes this squinty poopy face like a dog does when its curious or as if he's just taking bathroom selfies throughout the whole thing. He's worse than DMX. He's on par with Coolio.

If you know later Seagal films, you'll know that his fight style becomes vague, darkened slap-fighting that isn't exciting in anyway. Mostly because you have no clue what the hell is going on other than that Seagal is winning by inferance. This film really is the start of this style of Seagal films so expect so of that garbage. The rest of Seagal's performance is completely unremarkable.

This one can be completely skipped and is recommended that you do, unless you want to take a trip back to the rap-rock world and how "hard" it was....for white guys who talk about being tough but live in their mom's basement still...

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:3-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:3-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 4-star
Bad Movie Quality:5-star

Noah
Prelude to Half Past Dead

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Wednesday, 16 January 2019

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