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Gods of Egypt

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2016's Gods of Egypt has not done so well at the box office nor with the critics, so its time for the SM team to take another bad movie field trip. Can the power of Gerard Butler and Jamie Lannister facing off against each other prove to be awesome?

This movie has been lambasted pretty hard by critics and the wiseness that is the Internet. So many people had mad-ons because there were 0 Egyptian actors in the film and its again just a bunch of white guys pretending to be ethnic, ie. Dracula Untold. Well I have a question....who gives a rats ass! If this film was chock full of Egypt's hottest stars (that aren't joining/getting murdered by Daesh) would it be a good movie? Nope. So eat shit, the Internet.

This movie is a triumph is stupidity. This is truly a bad Hollywood movie. That's the last I'm going to say about how bad this movie is.

So if Gods of Egypt had been released in 2015, it would have easily beat out Jupiter Ascending for the "Best Bad Movie" SMABFA award. This is a hope for things to come in 2016. If the shenanigans that are laid out here then we've got a great year of bad movies coming. This movie is one hell of a roller-coaster of stupidity.

Gerard Butler is a villain and it doesn't work. He's too damn charming. You end up liking his character, Set, too much to cheer for the good guys. It's great. Also be sure to tune into Butler's "Egyptian" accent. Ol' Mike Banning's not too well known for ever hiding his Irish accent but here he doesn't even bother attempting to talk out the side of his mouth.

The effects are super bad but fun bad. See the word cheesy in the dictionary. They are constantly happening. It's a puke-fest of bad effects. But these effects are so dumb that its a blast! Bring us more of these crappies! We like 'em.

Add the rest of the cast, the super dumb/laughable dialogue, the bad character motivations, things that look bad on screen, the completely nonsensical plot, and you've got a film filled with bad decisions movies that rivals Jupiter Ascending but has NONE of the painful boredom. This thing is flaming god-king filled with gold paint electrified with a bullshit gun. 

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:4-star
Cheesy effects:5-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:2-star
Gratuitous nudity:1-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:7-star

Prelude to Tomboy
Year 2: Year in Review: Part 2

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Sunday, 24 September 2017

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