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It's bonkers-bad, sure. It's basically kitty version of Logan's Run, sure. It's got a cat-orgy scene, sure. It looks like crap, sure. But what the heck is the difference between this and the stage play? What did you people think was gonna happen here? Also Tay-Tay blows ass here.

Guys, it's just Cats. The stage play IS this bad. It's all crap. If you hate the movie and love the play, then put your head in a microwave if you can pull it out of your own ass. What did you want here? In fact, you should LOVE the movie because it's even MORE of the crap that you love from the play. Get the hell out of here.

Now for the rest of us, that weren't dropped as a baby. This is some real terrible film-making and likely an intentional tax loss. There's no way anyone that has ever worked a day before in the industry believed in this turd. That's not to say no one did a good job here. Francesa Hayward is absolutely brilliant but is strapped down (maybe in more ways than one) and surrounded by ineptitude so it's hard to notice what she's doing. You may also be distracted by her cat butt.

There I said it. I'll take the bullet here. Cats is intentionally hot sexy business. If it wasn't then why the hell are they marching a bunch of naked crotches out? Why is there a cat orgy? Why is Sir Ian Mckellan wearing clothes but Idris Elba is not? Same for Dame Judi and not Tay-Tay? This is hot furies business and I promise you someone is going to jail after being caught in the theater with a little too much alone time.

At the end of it all, should you check it out? Yes - but wait for streaming. It can be a great theater experience - it was for 2 of us but the last person had such a miserable time that it's just too risky for you. Save it and wait until it's free for you to access.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:1-star
Cheesy effects:4-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:2-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Nonsensical Plot:4-star

Riffability:2-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 2-star
Bad Movie Quality:6-star

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Tuesday, 04 August 2020

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