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Burlesque

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A mediocre talent finds inspiration in an over-the-hill mentor and in doing so makes a nightclub successful. So Xanadu...right? Actually, it's also Chicago, Moulin Rouge and Coyote Ugly. Thanks Troy from Goonies!

Let's face it, gang. Burlesque is about 30 minutes too long and suffers from the typical drag of poorly thought out projects - there's too many subplots and no main plot. While most of them are just meh, one subplot is insufferable - the romance. What's her name Aquafina falls in love with her (seriously gay) roommate/coworker. And their relationship is like watching paint dry, then become acid and fly into your face. It is intolerably uninteresting until it causes you physical pain.

The songs don't fit the theme (they are pop hits, not the cabaret/vaudeville that fits with burlesque dancing). The dancing is pretty bland. The costumes are about as burlesque as a road stop strip joint and they are too few anyways. I can't understand why the signing/dancing movie fan would ever like this. I'd be pissed. It's like Batman Returns - a Batman movie with no Batman.

There's nothing here for anyone. Steer clear.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:0-star
Cheesy effects:0-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:2-star
Ridiculous stunts:0-star
Gratuitous nudity:1-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Nonsensical Plot:4-star
Riffability:3-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:4-star

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Wednesday, 20 February 2019

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