black-dog
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Patrick Swayze says Dalton was a weiner and gifts us the pyschopathic, blood-lusting, and man of the road - Jack Cruise. Along the way Meatloaf delivers his best, but still manages to get Asahi Guy murdered and bankrupts his own villainy scheme before it gets started.

Lets just get this out of the way - Black Dog is fantastic and is one of the few shining examples of perfectly bad in every way. Every bit of it is inept from the music, the casting, the script, the acting, the directing and the editing and has the "it" factor on all those elements for bad movie fans. It's a glorious seam-less mess that you couldn't set out to do such a bad job and have it work so well together. It's stunningly perfect and beautiful and a complete train-wreck.

My next paragraph would like to be - "The best part of Black Dog is..." but I seriously can't say that. As soon as I think of something, say Meatloaf's character Red's seriously flawed villainy scheme (stealing his own stuff, make deal for stuff, rinse, repeat - never make any money) is instantly thrust into competition against say Asahi Guy's lack of steering or braking in the face of impending spolsion death or Jack Cruise showing his family how murder is just a darn good family activity or the wonderfully terrible ATF and FBI agent dynamics. There's no "best part" of this movie because it's ALL best part.

So stop what you're doing, fire this thing up whether alone or with friends (you'll just end up watching it again anyways), try not to fall off the couch with laughter and enjoyment and most importantly - do NOT be like Jack Cruise - I prefer breathing, thank you.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:5-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:4-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:4-star
Nonsensical Plot:5-star

Riffability:4-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:8-star