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Belly of the Beast

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A baked potato (and Fox News Russian Expert) puts on a bunch of stupid shirts and tries to sell us how much of an action-man he is by having a body double fill in for the entire movie. Also there is a wizard who helps fight terrorism and monks? We don't know.

Belly of the Beast is arguably among the worst of the action genre. What's the 1 thing you need to get right in an action movie? Well that one thing goes quite askew here. The fight scenes are so laughably bad. And yet as bad as the action is (and by bad we mean GREAT!) it isn't the only reason to show up here.

Its such a strange production. Take this, the film skirts around nudity for 95% as if its PG-13 yet has incredibly gratuitous nudity in one topless scene where it appears a topless woman has a disappearing ink treasure map on her chest. And no, there is no treasure in this movie. So weird.

The dubiousness of putting a wizard into a Steven Seagal movie is one of the strangest decisions we have seen. It just doesn't fit at all and culminates in one of the greatest dumb climaxes in DTV film.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:5-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:2-star
Gratuitous nudity:2-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star
Riffability:4-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 3-star
Bad Movie Quality:7-star

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Thursday, 14 December 2017

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