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Prelude to Never Too Young to Die

Prelude to Never Too Young to Die
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Presented by Vanity Off. For when you really just need Vanity to go back to Prince.

This episode John Stamos' hair gets the spot light (and the mousse) as we get ready for a gem of a turd in Never Too Young to Die with Stamos, Vanity (again), and George Lazenby and Gene Simmons (calling Dr. Love?). Sam brings us this direct-to-video movie that Jackie nor Justin has ever heard of.

We start out talking about Vanity and what she's done other than Action Jackson and Never Too Young to Die.  Apparently, she's in 52 Pickup which Sam calls "the most underrated movie, ever" However, Vanity doesn't really participate much in 52 Pickup so that doesn't really count. 2/3 Stinker Madness hosts think she's gross but Sam is all about Vanity's charm and looks.

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

Movie NameSummaryIMDBNetflixAmazonJustinJackieSamTotal

Beneath The Planet of the Apes

The sole survivor of an interplanetary rescue mission searches for the only survivor of the previous expedition. He discovers a planet ruled by apes and an underground city run by telepathic humans.

So for 3/4 of this movie, it's just Planet of the Apes with a guy who is NOT Charlton Heston. But at the end, there's a very weird twist but by that point you just no longer give a crap.

IMDB Page

Not Available

Beneath The Planet Of The Apes No No No 0/3
 

Deathstalker

The warrior Deathstalker is tasked by an old witch lady to obtain and unite the three powers of creation - a chalice, an amulet, and a sword - lest the evil magician Munkar get them and use them for nefarious purposes. After obtaining the sword, Deathstalker joins with other travellers going to the Big Tournament to determine the strongest warrior. The false king holds the true princess in captivity, and plots to have Deathstalker killed, and Deathstalker must fight to free the princess.

One of the best of the swords and sandals boobie genre. Female mudwrestling, pig-faced muscle mans, ape-drapes, wizards and boobies...lots and lots of boobies. Lana Clarkson doesn't even bother with a shirt throughout the whole movie.

IMDB Page Watch It Now Roger Corman's Cult Classics Sword And Sorcery Collection (Deathstalker, Deathstalker II, The Warrior And The Sorceress & Barbarian Queen) Yes Yes Yes

3/3

 

Left Behind

The Biblical prophecy of Armegeddon begins when the Rapture instantly takes all believers in Christ from the Earth. A reporter left behind learns that the Anti-Christ will soon take power.

Really we aren't religious people so take our opinions for what you will. But really the only thing Left Behind gives us is the theological question of "When the rapture comes, what happens if you are pooping? Is your poop part of you? Or does it get Left Behind?"

IMDB Page Watch It Now Left Behind: The Movie No No No

0/3

 

Machete Kills

The U.S. government recruits Machete to battle his way through Mexico in order to take down an arms dealer who looks to launch a weapon into space.

While we all didn't like it as much as the first one, Machete Kills is still a total do and completely out of control. We really don't understand how the people that saw the first one also didn't see the second one. It makes no sense. See this movie now.

IMDB Page Watch It Now Machete Kills Yes Yes Yes

3/3

 

Stinker News

We talk about Sylvester Stallone's new drama, Reach Me with Lauren Cohen, Kyra Sedgwick, Tom Berenger and Thomas Jane. With a cast like that, we don't really see drama, maybe just more grab-ass like The Escape Plan. I wouldn't hold your breath for another Cop Land (which you should watch).

Gamefly, the video-game by mail service, has now added both DVDs and Blu-Rays to their subscription service. The movies cost no additional charge. Jackie and Justin have tested the service out and it's a better way to get new movies than Netflix. The shipping is much faster, with the added benefit of video game rentals. Check out Gamefly.

Stinker Thinkers

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 Justin edged closer this week making the score 12-9 with Sam still in the lead.

Sam's Boring Bull Shit for Never Too Young to Die

  • Sam introduces us to director Gil Bettman from such films as Night Vision and Crystal Heart which looks like it's just Tawny Kitaen's boob's. Not it's not a horse movie. But Jackie still thinks it's about a horse and gives us her version of Wildfire by Michael Martin Murphy or whoever.
  • Steve Paul who Sam says is the driving force behind this bad movie, is mostly known for being the manager of Gene Wilder and some other dude. He may or may not be like Steven Seagal's sexrecataries.
  • This is John Stamos first motion picture, which sets up his illustrious career for Full House. He is not related to Tori Amos or John Amos, in case you were wondering.
  • Vanity does take her top off. Jackie says shower scene and Justin thinks it's going to be a love scene.
  • Gene Simmons shows up to be a bad guy for the second time in his four movie roles - the first being Runaway, with Tom Selleck which is one hell of a stinker.
  • Keep your eyes peeled for Robert Englund, George Lazenby, and Branscombe Richmond.
  • Apparently Gene Simmon's costume was also wore by Linda Carter to sign "I Was Made for Loving You" a KISS song...the coincidence does not escape us.

Check out Never Too Young to Die and then check us out in the full episode!

Never Too Young to Die
Action Jackson

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Monday, 21 October 2019

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