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Prelude to Mercenaries

Prelude to Mercenaries
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Presented by Nursenaries, for when you want your live-in care provider to be an ex-ass-kicking gun for hire. Kaboom, Grandpa!

This week we are turning to Netflix for the Christopher Olen Ray action lady team-up Mercenaries (Netflix Link), starring Cynthia Rothrock, Zoe Bell, Kristanna Loken, Vivica A. Fox, Bridgitte Nielsen and Nicole Bilderback. It's an Asylum film so we are a little nervous about it...

Netflix Do's and Don'ts

Whatcho Talkin' Bout, Willis?

Must haves for a movie mercenary

About Mercenaries - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Directed by Christopher Olen Ray.  Yes … Son of Olen Ray.  His films include Asteroid vs Earth, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, and Almighty Thor.  He is a frequent collaborator with one Richard Grieco. Born in 1978, he started his film career in 1978 by playing baby Christopher in Brain Leeches by Fred Olen Ray.  He owns a Thundercats t-shirt.  12 directorial credits and 23 various producer credits since 2008.  He doesn’t seem to post much on Facebook. Because he’s too busy fuckin workin.

Writer Edward DeRuiter pulls a double duty by playing Vez.  He also wrote many other shitty films such as Battle of Los Angeles.  Yes they made a mockbuster of that movie.  He also wrote the really shitty looking 3 Musketeers movie that is on the Netflix queue that we keep avoiding.

The film stars:

  • Zoe Bell; stuntman woman turned action man woman; man she’s a woman.
  • Kristina Loken; AKA the fake Robert Patrick who is not as fast and has boobs.
  • Vivica A. Fox; who prior to being a stereotype in ID4 was in an episode of Matlock.
  • Bridgitte Nielson; who most likely had sex with Flava-Flav, and certainly had sex with Sylvester Stallone.
  • Cynthia Rothrock; multi-champion of something that looks like semaphore, and not champion of crying on screen.
  • Nichole Bilderback; who is Asian so she does kick boxing, but also jazz tap.
  • Alexis Raich; who is a child actress who has an IMDB picture that freaks me the fuck out.  I am pretty sure she is a gelfling.
Mercenaries
Beowulf

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Sunday, 25 August 2019

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