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American Ninja 2: The Confrontation

American Ninja 2: The Confrontation
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Michael J. Dudikoff and Steve James are back from American Ninja and this time the volume of ninja gets ramped up to ludicrous levels. How do you get so many ninja? Well you just build an evil clone army of them so you can be a drug kingpin. What? Yep.

In another instance of Golan and Globus having very little understanding of the ninja, we also have very little understanding of their understanding. When you can clone ninja, what do you do with the ninja you've cloned? Well you become the kingpin of drugs. So why do you need ninja? Are they couriers? Are they drug dealers? Are they guards? Why not just have guys with guns? And why are your cloned ninja so inept? The plot is quite dumb.

Dudikoff is back and we're all too happy to see him. However, due to no fault of his own, he's not quite the same Pvt. Joe Armstrong from the first film. We really missed the unnecessary and out of place James Dean poses. He's a little less featured in this one, the stars are the ninja. However, we do give props for the incredibly tight pants that inspired the cinematographer to focus the viewers attention on a bulbous package. Ridiculous.

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Prelude to Deadliest Prey

Prelude to Deadliest Prey
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Mike Danton is back on the show and we can't be excited enough. Deadliest Prey is the 28 years later sequel to Hall of Fame movie, Deadly Prey and we can't wait to see how David and Ted Prior follow up one of the greatest bad movies of all time.

Be sure to revisit our Deadly Prey episode and for god sakes, watch the movie.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsShotgun - YouTubeDeath Machines - YouTubeRage of Honor - YouTubeWild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad NeighborClark Kent - Superman IV: The Quest for PeaceSelena - SupergirlBilly the Beaut - Punisher: War ZoneAbout Deadliest Prey - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

David A. Prior died tragically at the age of 59 from what his brother Ted described as a long battle with failing health. I have done some digging and have discovered that on the coroner’s report, it clearly states that he died from being too awesome. Coincidentally I am now worried about my own health. His last project was working on the screenplay to long time friend and collaborator, director and dance choreographer David Winters most recent opus, Dancin' It's On!. Dancin' It's On! really needs some better punctuation. Perhaps; Dancing: It is on., or Dancin', It's On!. I think if the title was punctuated properly it would have made more than $27,000 at the box office, which is low considering it features Gary Daniels in a supporting role. Prior's last directorial effort was Relentless Justice with Eric Roberts. In the comment section of the somewhat lacking obituary for Prior on the AV Club, about 14 or 15 trolls down one Debra Newberry described how Prior was the catalyst to many careers as filmmaking wasn't really a big thing in Alabama. Most of his films were shot in an around Mobile AL and one of his former longtime crew members, Tommy Fell is now the director of the Alabama Film Commission.

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Prelude to She

Prelude to She
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This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast we get ready for the 1982 Sandahl Bergman "post-apocalyptic" Oddysey, She. Be sure to join us on the main episode when special guest, Toren Atkinson, from The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets and the Caustic Soda podcast joins us to try and make heads or tails of She.

We open the episode with the most pronouny game show of all time, "Who did that? We did!"

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe Cave - StarzRunning Scared - NetflixLeprechaun 4: In Space - StarzThe Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

The ability to rewind time by 30 seconds - See Life is Strange video game - 7.5 out of 10

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Street Trash

Street Trash
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A fairly accurate look into the life and mind of the bum that captures the essence of the transient; 100% crazy. Take a bunch of homeless people and then stuff them full of the worst alcohol ever created and watch them melt. Plus many not safe for children topics including penis keep-away...wait what?

Street Trash really isn't for everyone. On many levels, it is almost too morally offensive. There's several sequences that are almost too uncomfortable. These bums are horrible, horrible people. They truly care about nothing but themselves and have as little regard for human life as Dr. Josef Mengele. Enter at your own risk and do not bring a date to a viewing of Street Trash.

If you can not only suspend your disbelief but also suspend your revulsion of disgusting people, there's alot of good stuff here. Spoiler Alert - This movie is "about" melting bums. There's a batch of hard alcohol called Viper that when consumed turns your insides-out and makes your guts turn into spectacular colored paint. Very interesting. Melting bums are the least gross thing in this film. That's how awful the actions of these bums are.

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Q: The Winged Serpent

Q: The Winged Serpent
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That ol' nasty Aztec cult living in NYC rears its ugly head again and resurrects a giant flying hotdog-turtle that eats bikini ladies. Meanwhile, a low level criminal butthole douchebag treats his girlfriend poorly and then takes a couple of barely working cops on an egg chase.

Believe it or not, this film shouldn't be called "Q", unless "Q" stand for "Quinn" because this film is not about a flying dinosaur(?) worshipped by an Aztec cult. It's truly about Jimmy Quinn, a low level criminal that doesn't understand how to do his job and his quest for fame and fortune, set to the background of a giant flying serpent attacking NYC. Here's a simple test to verify this: Tell us what the story of Q is in this film and then tell us what the story of Jimmy Quinn is in this film. You have a beginning, middle and end to Quinn; you understand his motivations, his relationships and his desires. Quinn is the main story.

What is the motivation of Q? Is he hungry? No, he doesn't really eat anyone. Is it just pissed? Maybe, but he should be stoked because he's got people sacrificing to him? Is it protecting its child? No, he's flying all over the place and not by the "nest". Is Q even intelligent? 

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Prelude to Q

Prelude to Q
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This week its time for a definite must see stinker in Q: The Winged Serpent, starring Michael Moriarty, David Carradine, and Richard Roundtree. Sam and Justin have already proclaimed this as making both their Top 10 Year in Review films so you don't want to miss this one.

Streaming Dos and Dont's

Make sure to pick this 50 movie set Sci-Fi Invasion at Walmart. There's a ton of great bad movies on it and we highly recommend it.

Hands of Steel - YoutubeTop Line - YoutubeUnfriended - HBO NowThe Great Super Power Debate

Never requiring sleep or rest - 4.5 out of 10

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Mac and Me

Mac and Me
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Mac and Me is truly a turd. We didn't like it at all. Sorry about that.

The movie fails on so many levels especially for a children's movie. The complete lack of a relationship between the clone of ET's Elliot and MAC left us scratching our heads wondering why the characters try to do anything for MAC. All MAC and his family do to the protagonist family is fuck shit up. Twice the main child dies and twice he is saved by the "MACs" but he wouldn't remember either time as he was clearly dead, so one can't use that as an argument.

The script suffers from the typical bad movie staple of too many rewrites so the plot is pretty lost. But what the filmmakers failed to do was rewrite the entire script instead of just sections. There are places in the movie where there were clear tie ins to other scenes that were either scrapped or rewritten. Why does the family know that the government is on the lookout for spooky aliens? When does MAC get his name? When does the family decide to help the MACs? Too many gaping holes in the story isn't fun, even for bad movie lovers. It is just frustrating from an artistic standpoint and goes back into the "Kids are dumb; they won't notice" idea often put forth by studio executives.

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The Fantastic Four

The Fantastic Four
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Before the flop of 2015, before the two turds in the early 2000s, there was 1994's The Fantastic Four. It's a film that was never meant to be viewed by the eyes of man but we are super happy that we can. We are joined by special guest, bad movie blogger and friend of the show, Brad Slager (@MartiniShark) who knows and loves this movie. Check out Brad's write up on FF at http://www.lifezette.com/popzette/the-first-fantastic-dud/.

While this film was meant to end up in the trashcan and only made in order to keep the film rights to The Fantastic Four (see also 2015), there is such a level of effort that is clear when watching this movie. All the actors are giving it their all. There's a real sense that the people involved really believed in this project rather than it just being a doomed project. Its a classic example of the Internet's definition of a good-bad movie of wanting to make a good movie and ending up with a really bad one.

The film is refreshing because it is a fan boy's dream. Nothing is changed about the origin of the FF, the powers, their characterization, stories, etc. It looks cheesy, its campy and its silly. At no point is there any modernization of things to make them look good on screen. It is just a movie made for fun and not for people to talk about how interesting the origin retelling was (see modern comic adaptations). That makes it great.

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Prelude to Midnight Ride

Prelude to Midnight Ride
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We start this episode with a letter from Justin to Mark Hamill in the hopes he will become his best friend and replace Sam and Jackie on the podcast. We have yet to hear back.

We gear up for a fan pick from our Facebook fan:

Hello, just started listening this week, really enjoying the show. Question, have any of you seen Midnight Ride(1990)...

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Prelude to Hell Comes to Frogtown

Prelude to Hell Comes to Frogtown
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This episode we pay tribute to one hell of a human being, one of the best entertainers in history and possibly the sole reason that Vince McMahon has a successful business; one Roddy Rowdy Piper. In 1988, shortly after the success of They Live, Roddy starred in a little film called Hell Comes to Frogtown. It's the story of a man in charge of boning lots of ladies while kicking ass along the way. Well that sounds pretty rad....and it is.

On a personal note, Hot Rod was a real big deal to me. I grew up watching and rooting for Rowdy and Macho Man more than any other wrestlers. I remember being astounded about how energetic Roddy was and how everyone else seemed so rehearsed but he was just off the cuff with anything he said. You could see whoever was on camera with Roddy being completely unprepared with dealing with Roddy. I loved it. Roddy, you'll be missed. Say hi to Randy Savage for me.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsMoonbase - NetflixThe Avenging Eagle - NetflixI Am Soldier - Amazon PrimeConan The Barbarian - NetflixGood Neighbor, Bad NeighborRip "The Ripper" Thomas - No Holds BarredFezzick - The Princess BrideDrax the Destroyer - Guardians of the GalaxyAbout Hell Comes to Frogtown - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Director Donald G. Jackson was the man who made $1,000,000 with a $1,000. Roller Blade was the film that cost $1,000 and made $1,000,000, as it turns out it cost closer to $5,000 and made indeterminately over a million. A wrenches to not riches story, Don G. is probably not the American dream.

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Seven

Seven
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It's the second film from Stinker Madness stalwart, Andy Sidaris. No, it's not that one with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman. It's the story of seven agency operatives taking down seven criminal overlords on lovely Hawaii for the price of seven million dollars. It's got all the classic staples from Andy and we love it! At least the first hour and 23 minutes, because we haven't seen the end of this film.

WHAT?!?! You're going to do a review of a movie you haven't seen all of? Nope we aren't. Sorry to disappoint guys. There's not going to be a review in this one. However, it's quite important to still discuss this film and how we watched it. We were forced to watch this film on YouTube. Because it's not available by any other means. That's right you can't get your hands on this film. It's not for sale. Now here's the real rub. The YouTube copy cuts out at 83 minutes with an ad for a Japanese porno site. Nice. The real fun thing is that this movie keeps getting removed for copyright infringement by the copyright owner. They have that right. But if you're going to do that then make it available to buy, please. Idiots. (It should be noted that friend of the show, Arlene Sidaris does NOT own the rights to this film. We believe that Hugh Hefner does.)

Anyways, there's still plenty of a good time in the 83 minutes we did see. It's an odd film in that it is a heist movie with nothing being stolen. It's setup and paced as a heist movie with the recruitment of a team of individuals with unique skill sets, a elaborate and difficult plan with only a small window of time to execute it and only one try allowed, quick interlaced cuts between moments of actions between the individual players, and so forth. But the story is just some guys taking down some bad guys. It makes for alot of fun and is VERY well edited. From what we saw, this may be Andy Sidaris' best directed film. 

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Johnny Mnemonic

Johnny Mnemonic
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It's a cyberpunk trip through the Internet with Keanu Reeves as he portrays Johnny Mnemonic, a hard-drive installed brain courier guy who has to deliver the cure for Chronic Internetitis Addiction to a group of resistance fighters trying to free our minds from evil corporate influence.....or something?

Wow, 1995 really had no clue how the Internet worked. Yes, this is one of those "lets go into the Internet....with our minds" movies. They didn't get it right. I, however, don't want to spend too much time on how wrong they got with the Internet. I will say that it is the worst onscreen representation of the Internet in film.

Keanu is quite bad, if not at his worst, which many may think that isn't a stretch for him but its hard to say that his work in John Wick was not impressive (even if he only had 10 lines). But Johnny Mnemonic stands right beside Johnny Utah in an actor forgetting that they are in a film. Dina Meyer does her best impression of Dina Meyer. She sets out to portray an actress who stinks. Dolph Lundgren, Henry Rollins, Udo Kier, and Ice T all do just fine and make room for the two main characters to stink it up without helping.

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Prelude to Johnny Mnemonic

Prelude to Johnny Mnemonic
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Brought to you by Johnny Pneumatic. Keanu Reeves and Rosmand Pike gets trapped in an annoying steampunk world and gets his armed replaced with a drill (just go with it).

Its time for us to finally see what the Internet looks like from the inside with 1995's Johnny Mnemonic, starring Keanu Reeves and Dina Meyer, with fun appearances of Dolph Lundgren, Henry Rollins, Udo Kier and Ice-T doesn't screw it up!

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe Lost Boys - NetflixThe Howling V: The Rebirth - Netflix (no longer availabe, bummer)Cyborg - NetflixGood Neighbor, Bad NeighborMr. Anderson (Not "The One", but Neo before he takes the red pill) - The MatrixTed "Theodore" Logan - Bill & Ted's Excellent AdventureOfficer Jack Travor - SpeedAbout Johnny Mnemonic - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

I have chosen Jonny Mnemonic for 2 very specific reasons:

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Stone Cold

Stone Cold
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Brian Bosworth stars this week as Joe Huff/John Stone/All Awesome in Stone Cold with William Forsythe and Lance Henriksen. Its the tale of one tough cop that goes undercover to accomplish absolutely nothing in preventing a biker gang destroying the entire government of Mississippi. Mullets, earrings, giant lizards, exploding choppers, and a ridiculously high body count makes up for one fun ride.

The very funny Ryan Fortier from the "Writing Through Vet School" blog joins us this week to help us make sense of this movie. Ryan is the author of "Paranoia" (available for $2.99) and one of the funniest bad movie reviewers. You can follow Ryan at https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/ and read his bad movie reviews at https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/category/bad-movies-2/.

The plot of this film is quite dubious. Essentially, there is a biker gang that is causing a ruckus. One of them gets put on trial for shooting a priest for some reason. So we guess they are going to try to spring him from jail. The FBI hires a suspended tough guy cop named Joe Huff to go under-cover, as John Stone, in the gang to keep tabs on them. Along the way, they do some stuff and then Joe completely fails to stop them from killing everyone. We really have no idea what the story of this film is supposed to be. On screen, all you can really tell is that a guy acts tough and then all of Mississippi dies. It also seems that no one really has much of a plan to accomplish their unknown goals. The biker gang has no end game. Stone's plan just seems to be hang around the gang and do assorted tasks for them. And when someone comes up with a plan to do something they completely fail every single time. Even simple tasks like "earn profits" or "stay alive" cannot be executed.

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Prelude to Stone Cold

Prelude to Stone Cold
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We open this one with a production meeting for the sequel to Stone Cold. Brian Bosworth discusses ideas.

Take one Brian "The Boz" Bosworth, put him in the role of one tough cop and let him do his own hair and costumes and you've got 1991's Stone Cold directed by stinker staple Craig R. Baxley. It's one of Justin's favorite bad movies so get jacked!

Streaming Do's and Don'tsKung Fury - YoutubeNomads - NetflixNight Watch - NetflixPlatoon Leader - NetflixGood Neighbor, Bad NeighborAce VenturaRockyJames BondAbout Stone Cold - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Directed by Craig R. Baxley, who started as a stunt performer but rose to the position of Director. He is notable for such Stinker Madness Episodes as Action Jackson.  Other films include, most likely future episode; I Come in Peace. Baxley hit the TV scene pretty hard as a director as well, credits include; Silencing Mary and Twisted Desire, both staring Melissa Joan Hart. Because what Clarrisa realy knows best is how to get sexyish after her show gets cancelled.

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Slipstream

Slipstream
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Bob Peck goes for a ride in a plane with Bill Paxton and along the way the pair go on a personal journey and discover who they really are. Oh and Mark Hamill chases them in his airplane as well. Its one hell of a hot mess, with confusing plot lines, unstated character roles, and mentions to major plot hubs that never get flushed out. But its still a pretty fun ride.

Somewhere in Slipstream is a good movie. There some really cool science fiction ideas, gorgeous aerial footage, questions raised about what life truly is and solid concepts about life in a post-apocalyptic world. This really could have been a movie that people respected and possibly not cost Gary Kurtz his movie career. We don't think that it ever would have been a really successful film but a good ol' muligan may have turned this into a pretty popular film.

Unfortunately, there are some serious problems here. Firstly, the easy one to spot is Bill Paxton. If you are familiar and/or love Paxton like we do, you'll know that his charm is not in his acting skills. This film (much like Cage in Wicker Man) is the role Paxton was born to play. The Paxton is turned up to 12 here. It's great in a terrible way. His character is just a total knob and Paxton is the only guy that can really nail knob unintentionally.  He just won't keep his mouth shut at any point and he's always got something snarky to say. But the snarky lines that come out of his mouth are so dumb. If you encountered this character in real life, no matter the situation, you would have to stop and laugh at him.

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That's a really good theory! It really falls in with the endless amounts of questions that this film creates. Is there just a ton ... Read More
Monday, 12 October 2015 17:38
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Captain America

Captain America
Is Peyton Manning Captain America?
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Matt Salinger dons the role of weak but honorable Steve Rogers and becomes Captain America as part of the Super Soldier Program so that he can be strong enough to stop the Nazi equivalent, the Red Skull. Sound familiar? Well that's about all this film has in common with anything that you know about Cap. The rest is pretty much the dumbest hot mess that you could possibly imagine.

Albert Pyun's Captain America is maybe the worst adaptation of a single character that has ever been made. Matt Salinger is awkward moving at all times and shows absolutely no athletic ability. Captain America is a bit of a dick as he really shows little concern for other people. He's about as smart as a box of hair. He really never succeeds in any mission nor is he ever known by the world as a WWII superhero, even though when he is unthawed the world seems to care, despite having never heard of him before.

The visuals (costumes, effects and action) are horrendous and make up the best part of the film. By best I mean that they are hilarious. Cap's outfit looks like its made of vinyl and seems to get ripped up randomly from what we can only infer is that Matt Salinger leaned up against walls too much. The shield looks like an after dinner peppermint. Red Skull only has Red Skull face for the first 5 minutes on screen. The Red Skull rat is epic bad stop-motion. The list of bad visuals goes on and on.

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American Kickboxer 2

American Kickboxer 2
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American Kickboxer 2 is a one of a kind achievement in horrendously bad acting, awful dialogue, poorly performed stunts, and incredibly stupid plot. It really is a perfect storm in bad action movies. With this combined tour de crap, it becomes a laugh a second tornado of awesomeness. This is too rad to ignore.

Essentially, a rich family's child is kidnapped and the mother has to recruit two tough guys from her past to rescue her. Sounds simple right? Well lets try this again. The owner of a successful plumbing company has a slightly mentally handicapped child who gets kidnapped by action guys. She contacts her tough guy ex-husband and her tough guy ex-lover and explains to both of them that they have an 8 year old child and that she's been kidnapped. The two tough guys then proceed to fight each other more than bad guys until a hooker tells them that a warehouse that stores guys who don't actually work there and just have upstairs "Fight Club" also contains the kidnapped child. At that point they end up having to fight each other to the death, when a pothead frees here by using cockroaches. Movie ends with an implied three-way. Wow.

As I mentioned the acting is awful.......ly awesome. Evan Lurie and Dale Cook are ridiculously bad. Dale shouts all of his lines but is unintelligible because he has to have a toothpick in his mouth at all times (including fight scenes). Evan Lurie, in the true spirit of the film, does the exact opposite and mumbles ever line because "he's so peaceful". Tackleberry is completely unbelievable as a fat Vince Vaughn/business executive/action guy and Kathy Shower does her best concerned mom routine (who is surprisingly better at it than Erika Eleniak).

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Prelude to American Kickboxer 2

Prelude to American Kickboxer 2
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Presented by We're No Cupcakes, Cupcakes. Two tough guys are forced to take over a bakery and not kill each other or the customers.

Sam brings in a dozy this week, when two tough guys have to team up and do assorted martial arts to free a young girl from a kidnapping ring. American Kickboxer 2 stars Dale Cook, Evan Lurie, Kathy Showers and Tackleberry. Our main question for this film will be: Is there any actual kickboxing in it?

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

Unfortunately we have no movies this week but we do think you should check this out. It's a new free movie streaming service, much like Crackle and with a solid lineup of good bad movies. It's called Tubitv and here are some highlights:

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Megaforce

Megaforce
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We complete Carl's Inaction in Action trilogy with one of the most ridiculous movies ever made. The leaders of the world have confirmed the existence of Megaforce. They are then hired by a crusty old man to blow up his helicopter.

We all feel that Megaforce is absolutely necessary if you love bad movies. Sam has it in his Hall of Fame. It's required viewing. If you haven't seen this please take 99 minutes and watch this on YouTube. Its a great time and the laughs never stop coming.

One of the greatest debates of all time is what does Megaforce actually do? What do they accomplish? What is this movie about? What happens? There are as many theories to the answers of these questions as there are about the meaning of life.

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