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No Holds Barred

no-holds-barred
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People that make TV shows, write a script in 72 hours while blasting through piles of cocaine, that showcases their complete lack of knowledge about making TV shows. It's Rip v Zeus in The Battle of the Tough Guys that can only end in one way.... murder!

Nothing can describe the (at that time) WWF in the late 80s like No Holds Barred. Hulk is the #1 guy in the phony man-fighting and his entire schtick is on display here. There's no difference between the character of Rip and Hulk Hogan. Imagine a film called "Morgue Work" starring The Undertaker who's character name is Mortician Jim. Rip loves the kids, he loves his family and he loves making snorting sounds....just like Hulk Hogan. Which leads me to believe that Terry Hogan had more to do with writing this POS then Vince McMahon. I like to envision Terry writing in crayon in a furor while McMahon murders prostitutes in the corner.

Vince (covered in blood): Terry, you need any help over there? I've run out of prostitutes to murder. I could help out for a bit.

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Prelude to Hell Comes to Frogtown

Prelude to Hell Comes to Frogtown
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This episode we pay tribute to one hell of a human being, one of the best entertainers in history and possibly the sole reason that Vince McMahon has a successful business; one Roddy Rowdy Piper. In 1988, shortly after the success of They Live, Roddy starred in a little film called Hell Comes to Frogtown. It's the story of a man in charge of boning lots of ladies while kicking ass along the way. Well that sounds pretty rad....and it is.

On a personal note, Hot Rod was a real big deal to me. I grew up watching and rooting for Rowdy and Macho Man more than any other wrestlers. I remember being astounded about how energetic Roddy was and how everyone else seemed so rehearsed but he was just off the cuff with anything he said. You could see whoever was on camera with Roddy being completely unprepared with dealing with Roddy. I loved it. Roddy, you'll be missed. Say hi to Randy Savage for me.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsMoonbase - NetflixThe Avenging Eagle - NetflixI Am Soldier - Amazon PrimeConan The Barbarian - NetflixGood Neighbor, Bad NeighborRip "The Ripper" Thomas - No Holds BarredFezzick - The Princess BrideDrax the Destroyer - Guardians of the GalaxyAbout Hell Comes to Frogtown - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Director Donald G. Jackson was the man who made $1,000,000 with a $1,000. Roller Blade was the film that cost $1,000 and made $1,000,000, as it turns out it cost closer to $5,000 and made indeterminately over a million. A wrenches to not riches story, Don G. is probably not the American dream.

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Bending the Rules

Bending the Rules
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Judging movies by their covers back-fires on us as we get duped into watching a non-wrestling "wrestling" movie. Jamie Kennedy and Edge slap us in the mouth, with special guest Mark.

At some point in time, some bonehead named David Calloway got it in his head that making movies starring wrestlers in serious roles was a good idea. He's the executive producer behind such "good ideas" as Legendary (John Cena), Knucklehead (Paul Wight or The Big Show), The Chaperone (Paul Levesque or Triple H), The Reunion (John Cena) and 2012's borefest Bending the Rules. These movies all say one thing: "Hey Hollywood, we can make top notch movies that rival the likes of David O' Russell and Cameron Crowe AND star the top wrestlers of the day". What? No! If we want to see wrestlers in film it better damn well be action packed with ludicrous stunts and fight scenes. Even though it is a terrible film, No Holds Barred is SO much more entertaining and should be the bar set for WWE produced films. Stop this shit, now. (Editor's note - Bending the Rules is the last film that David Calloway has produced so hopefully someone got the message).

So Jamie Kennedy and Edge to their best attempt at the Lewis and Martin routine. Kennedy is a goofball lawyer while Edge is a dead pan tough cop on the outside of the law. Unfortunately, Kennedy's Lewis is more of the look into the brain of an asshole than it is a goofball and Edge's Martin is some of the most wooden acting ever caught on film.

The film suffers not just from this acting but a painfully boring and so told-too-many times plot of a cop that "bends the rules" gets paired together with a "by the book" district attorney to fight crime. This leads to the film being more jokes and gags than anything plus a bunch of action (see again - HE'S A GODDAMN WRESTLER!!!) but neither of these things take place in the film. You spend your time sitting in a car or walking around town with these two idiots while the film tries to make you like them as people. It never works at any point.

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Prelude to Bending the Rules

Prelude to Bending the Rules

We gear up for another epic from WWE Studios - this time starring Jamie Kennedy and Edge. We also give our first attempt at Stinker Improv, where we re-enact what we believe the movie will be about.  Are you ready to fumble?????

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