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The Last Dragon

The Last Dragon
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Sam brings us the least karate "karate" movie to ever exist with martial arts being replaced by romance, music, dancing, neon, sassy children, and pizza. While this may sound like something you want to put your head through a wall for, The Last Dragon is truly awesome.

The Last Dragon is the tale of a kung fu obsessed teenager who is the son of a pizza restaurateur on a journey to be the best at kung fu. His adventures are endangered by The Shogun of Harlem, Sho Nuff and Arkadian, who wants to use his love interest to further his own fortune. Well that seems sorta straight-laced but this film is one of the silliest things we've done.

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Justin
Good catch. Apologies to Herr Starr.
Wednesday, 29 June 2016 20:35
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Prelude to The Last Dragon

Prelude to The Last Dragon
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This week on the podcast Sam brings in a movie that made him quite angry as a child but then grew to love it's non-kung-fu ways. It's 1985's The Last Dragon in which a "kung fu" guy tries to achieve something called "The Glow".

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Prelude to Purple Rain

Prelude to Purple Rain
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Yesterday, the Artist Foreverly Known as Prince left us here on Earth with our dicks in our hands saying, "Well that's it. If Prince can die then there is no hope of me living forever." And now, as tears subside, we celebrate the musical genius by honoring his work in 1984's Purple Rain. Wow, what an honor.

Trigger Alert! Trigger Alert!

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Never Too Young to Die

Never Too Young to Die
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What happens if you turn a gymnast into an action hero, a trashy whore into super spy, James Bond into a Ben-Gay ad, and Gene Simmons into a lady-boy? Why you get this DTV gem of a movie, duh! Uncle Jesse saves the world from dirty water and Gene Simmons gives us a "too believable" performance. YEEEEAHH!

So John Stamos plays Lance Stargrove, a gymnastic champ who's father is a top secret agent (played by George Lazenby). When Lance's father dies preventing a group of hooligans from doing something unknown, Stargrove must take over the family business and stop Velvet Von Ragner (Gene Simmons), a transgender sociopath with dreams of world domination (we guess). Stargrove is helped out by Danja (Vanity) and his tech buddy Cliff (Peter Kwong).

Some bad movies have a great beginning and a great ending but the middle is dry and dull. This is often due to lack of a budget or lack of imagination in the writing. Never Too Young to Die is not one of those films. This thing comes in hot and never cools down with scene after scene of shenanigans that you look for in a classic stinker. From the unforgettable theme song (entitled Stargrove, naturally) to the climatic and preposterous battle on top of a dam between Stargrove and Von Ragner, this one is solid gold.

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Prelude to Never Too Young to Die

Prelude to Never Too Young to Die
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


Presented by Vanity Off. For when you really just need Vanity to go back to Prince.

This episode John Stamos' hair gets the spot light (and the mousse) as we get ready for a gem of a turd in Never Too Young to Die with Stamos, Vanity (again), and George Lazenby and Gene Simmons (calling Dr. Love?). Sam brings us this direct-to-video movie that Jackie nor Justin has ever heard of.

We start out talking about Vanity and what she's done other than Action Jackson and Never Too Young to Die.  Apparently, she's in 52 Pickup which Sam calls "the most underrated movie, ever" However, Vanity doesn't really participate much in 52 Pickup so that doesn't really count. 2/3 Stinker Madness hosts think she's gross but Sam is all about Vanity's charm and looks.

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Action Jackson

Action Jackson
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It's time for Jericho Jackson to try to live up to his nickname, yet for some reason he avoids the action for 3/4 of the movie. But when the action hits, boy does it hit. Vanity is the worst lounge singer of all time, Craig T. Nelson knows karate (at least his stunt guy does), and Sharon Stone just can't stay alive or happily married in any movie she's in. Get ready for some nonsense.

Action Jackson is named very inaccurately. When it comes to action, Jericho dials it up to about a 3. He spends most of his time not performing any action. He almost seems more like a stock broker than an action guy. Yes we know he jumps over a car, but the rest of the time he just kind of wanders around and asks people what the hell is going on around him. He's essentially the worst detective ever. Everyone knows the plot of the film except him (and us). The entire plan of the villian (Craig T. Nelson) is revealed to him by a beautician who has absolutely no contact with anyone or any events in the movie. Uhm...what?

Craig T. plays a guy named Delaplane who's motivation is to keep his hair from staying the same color, revolutionize the auto industry by building a Fiero, and bang drug addicts. He's married to Sharon Stone who gets murdered (was she the 90's version of Sean Bean?) because she asks a question. He can also do karate. You heard it. Coach can do karate. It may be one of the worst castings for a karate guy of all time. I'm not buying it.

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