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Vampire's Kiss

Vampire's Kiss
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Academy Award winning Nicolas Coppola (he's not the Nic Cage we know and love yet) stars as a completely insane man and gives a completely insane performance in a movie that seems to be about vampires but....no. It's known as a true stinker but we have a different take.

This film has its flaws for sure. There's some technical flaws, there's some bad shots, way too much stock footage, a piss poor actress with a huge head that isn't deserved but for the most part it's a solid piece. The mystery from Vampire's Kiss stems from the over the top performance by Nic. So let's just discuss his little acting job.

He's crazy. He's got this weird accent that can't be defined. It's like a mixture of Irish, SoCal dude bro, New York and New Zealandese (is that a thing?). Depending on his emotions the accent fades out of one ingredient to another. He seems to get much more Irish when he's pissed and much more SoCal when he's calm.

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Prelude to Queen of the Damned

Prelude to Queen of the Damned
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It's week 2 of our 3 episode Halloween trio of horribleness. This week Aaliyah stars in a sexy vampire movie called Queen of the Damned from 2002. While it avoided the Razzies completely this film was still quite pandered by critics but in the years since has gained a pretty heavy cult following. Is it because its filled with annoying glitter vampires or is there some merits to the shenanigans?

Streaming Do's and Don'tsPrivate School - HBO NowBurial Ground: The Nights of Terror - YoutubeDark Was the Night - NetflixMotel Hell - Amazon & EPIXGood Neighbor, Bad NeighborCasper, the Friendly Ghost - CasperSlimer - GhostbustersThe Wolfman - The WolfmanAbout Queen of the Damned - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

The film is a loose adaptation of the second and third books of Anne Rice’s The Vampire Chronicles, taking its name from the third novel. Anne Rice is known as a writer of high class, a chief example would be her novel; The Taking of Sleeping Beauty, where sleeping beauty is woken not by a kiss but by a dude humping her comatose body. Which, to get sidetracked, if you haven’t seen Almodivar’s Talk to Her, you should check that out. In 2005, she started a new series entitled: Christ the Lord, it chronicles the early life of Jesus. I just can’t imagine. There is a chance that it is just a gussied up fill in the blanks, there is a larger chance that Jesus walks into the desert and finds so many other young men. She might just turn the desert into a metaphor for an activity that is hot and dry…

Michael Rymer directed this film. His debut film Angel Baby won every award it was put in front of. He seemed to struggle a bit with getting attached to quality projects. Eventually he will be enlisted to direct a pilot miniseries for the sci-fi channel. When I watched the countless hours of extra features in Battlestar Galactica it was evident that Rymer was as key a component as Ronald D. Moore and David Eick. He brought the cinematic element to the show. He would direct key episodes throughout the series run including the premiers and finales.

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Near Dark

Near Dark
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Near Dark is highly praised for being the best vampire movie ever made. However that's like saying that the Pinto is the best car that explodes on impact ever made. Its the tale of a farm boy who falls in love with a wandering stranger that's not like any of the other girls. He then goes on a wild ride with a gang of nomads in a van until sunlight wins the day again.

Well....we don't like this movie. We found it to be a colossal disappointment with some really misses. In that, the primary problem with this film is that Bill Paxton is incredible. You heard it. Bill Paxton does a fantastic acting job. He nails it. He's infectious. He's memorizing. "Why is that a problem?" you might ask. Because there's far too little of him on screen. His role is super limited and angered us. Hey Bigelow, we want more Paxton!

The movie would have been really great would have worked so perfectly as a graphic novel. A graphic novel would have allowed for ongoing stories about the vampire nomads going from town to town and wrecking bars, eating people and running from the fuzz. But there's no story here for a movie. A movie has a limited run time so a full story must be flushed out in that time. This does not happen here. The characters take no internal journey and can be summed up as "boy gets turned into a vampire, boy gets Tim Thomerson blood transfusion, vampires get lit of fire, freezeframe, credits."

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Prelude to Near Dark

Prelude to Near Dark
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Brought to you by World War V. It's every single badass vampire killer vs every stupid vampire from the last 10 years. Blade leads Buffy, James Crow and the Frog Brothers against the Twilight buttholes, John Depp's Barnabas, Selene from Underworld, and Luke Evan's Vlad.

It's time we take a look at one of the highest praised vampire movies of all time. It's Near Dark starring Bill Paxton, Adrian Pasdar and Lance Henriksen. Is Near Dark really that awesome or is it just one of the first films that stray from Bram Stoker's Dracula and Nosferatu? Justin is rolling the dice with this pick as it is so highly praised. Could this be the second "good" film reviewed by this "bad" movie podcast?

We also get to some listener feedback and take alot of heat for picking Johnny Mnemonic. Apparently there's quite a few people that think it is a good movie. They are wrong.

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