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Half Past Dead

Half Past Dead
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Sam brings in Steven Seagal for his first time on Stinker Madness with his last time in the theaters and the reason for that becomes quite apparent. Oh and would someone please just off Ja-Rule within the first 4 minutes of this movie...please???? It's got Alcatraz, it's got gun fights, it's got slap fighting and it's also got all the characters from The Matrix! What could possibly be wrong with this film?

You know those movies that just get so boring after the first 5 minutes of action? This is one of those. It's really boring. Its quite hard to get attached to anything that is going on. Its another instance of characters and actors that you just want removed from your TV. It's also just a capsule of everything wrong with 2002. Its a long music video for any rap-rock band. Ick.

Ja Rule.....ugh. This guy sucks. Sucks so bad. He plays the obligatory tough street hood in just about any Seagal movie, yet he's the least tough guy ever caught on film. He constantly makes this squinty poopy face like a dog does when its curious or as if he's just taking bathroom selfies throughout the whole thing. He's worse than DMX. He's on par with Coolio.

If you know later Seagal films, you'll know that his fight style becomes vague, darkened slap-fighting that isn't exciting in anyway. Mostly because you have no clue what the hell is going on other than that Seagal is winning by inferance. This film really is the start of this style of Seagal films so expect so of that garbage. The rest of Seagal's performance is completely unremarkable.

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Prelude to Half Past Dead

Prelude to Half Past Dead

It's point-five time and Pappa Sando brews us up a sweet batch o' prison hooch (and we drink it) as we get sentenced to the first Steven Seagal appearance. As is tradition, we got more Netflix do's and don't coming at you, the stakes in Stinker Thinkers gets HOT, we do our best acting attempts and maybe get a little drunk. Who's ready for some slap-fightin'?  Yeeeehhhhhaaaaw!!!!

Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


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