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Tango & Cash

Tango & Cash
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Two cops find love in each other's egos, while attempting to clear their names from a villainous plot to take over the world's salted caramel industry. Stallone and Russell team up for one of the raddest buddy cop dumb-dumb rollercoaster. It's shenanigans.

Tango & Cash is incredibly stupid. There is absolutely no sense of reality here. The villain uses mice, that he loves,  to demonstrate his evilry. He owns monster trucks that have guns mounted on them. Hidden assassin's inside of mirrors (we think) & gun-shoes. Physics don't apply. Time and distance are more of guidelines...

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Prelude to Tango & Cash

Prelude to Tango & Cash
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast, we tackle the classic "buddy" cop film from 1989 with Stallone and Russell in a weird incestuous love triangle, framed for murder, take down the vague bad guy, and enjoy some off-roading. It's Tango & Cash!

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

  • Being a Vulcan - 2.5/10 stars (Not good)

About Tango & Cash - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Who is the man that gets into all of the Hollywood hang down competitions? Kurt Russell, that’s who. This week he will be comparing his star penis, I mean power, to that of one Sylvester Stallone. Apparently the two got along just fine as there was probably no illusions as to Stallone being the big boss on the picture. The caveats of Stallone pictures of the time are all there, firing the DP before shooting, starting to re-write the script after shooting starts, having more than one person rewrite the script without communicating with one another. Firing the director after the project has gone over budget by almost double. I guess Kurt saw that things were well in hand and didn’t bother making any more interference, Stallone would later praise him for being a real pro, despite Russell being the fall back option to Patrick Swayze who ditched the production for Road House. By the time the dust would settle on the set, there would be 4 directors including Stallone, 5 if you count Stuart Baird who is known for directing pictures in post-production and is Hollywood’s most rebound editing doctor, and there would be enough deleted scenes to make another movie. What remains is comedy gold. The largest feud during production was between Stallone who wanted it to be a very dark and brooding crime film and producer John Peters who wanted it to be a campy spoof of the popular buddy cop sub-genre. When you then bring in Baird to stir that pot together independently, you only get two things; Tango & Cash.

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Rambo III

Rambo III
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John Rambo comes to us in the third installment of the First Blood/Rambo franchise in the pinnacle of 80's over the top action. It's fun, it's stupid, its violent, and ridiculous. But in the year 2016 and how much we don't really care for ethnic cleansing, it's also a little offensive.

If Rambo had been left in Afghanistan for about 3 months, the world certainly would be a different place than it is today and it's anybody's guess whether it would be better or worse. It could go either way, because sure he kicks the Russkies asses but he also teams up with the Mujahideen and I'm not sure that he didn't honestly believe they were worth fighting with. At no point does it seem anyone questioned the motives of the Mujahideen during filmmaking. They were fighting the Russians so I guess that must mean they are the good guys. It wouldn't take much longer before we learned that they were genocidal assholes. Ooo, poor taste in pals, John.

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Prelude to Rambo III

Prelude to Rambo III
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Carolco decides its destiny by spending too much on a ridiculous film that involves a man causes fire and bullets to steer clear. It's the Stallord's one jillionth appearance on the show and we haven't even gotten to Tango & Cash, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot or Cliffhanger!

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

The Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight?

John Rambo (First Blood) vs John Rambo (First Blood: Part 2)

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Driven

Driven
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Stallone writes a screenplay that is about three things he has no working knowledge of; 1) Racing, 2) Relationships, 3) Story. It is quite possibly the worst screenplay ever written. Manos: The Hands of Fate has a lot more story than 2001's Driven. If anyone can tell us what the story is, please let us know.

Why this movie was made is vexing. What the inspiration was for Stallone to write this film is a mystery for the ages. He clearly has little to no interest in auto racing because he never shows any knowledge of how it works or even simple common sense regarding it. He appears to know that cars can go fast and that people sometimes try to see how fast they can go around a track but that's about it. Burt Reynold's character owns a race team but continually tries to sabotage his driver because he's just not good enough despite the fact that he's Number 1 in the world. Kip Pardue's character can't handle posing for photos and giving press conferences despite the fact that he's a rolling advertisement for his sponsors. The only thing that Stallone's character appears to do in the film is make people happy. Wow.

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Prelude to Driven

Prelude to Driven
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Brought to you by "Top Pits" starring Tom Cruises and Valerie Kilmer.

In 2002, Stallone gave us an 8 time Razzie nominated movie that he took the time to write. Remember! This is the guy that wrote the screenplay to Rocky for which he won an Oscar....the same guy. Yeah....right. It's sort of a movie about race car driving, it's sort of about race car drivers and then its sort of about absolutely nothing.

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Cobra

Cobra
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Stallone makes his 4th appearance on our show as he teams up with Golan and Globus (who make their third appearance) for the "one tough cop" showcase that is Cobra. Marion Cobretti has to protect a key witness that can identify the Nightslasher, who isn't just a raving murderer as his name would suggest; he's also the head of a criminal organization that wants to take over the world. How about that?

The movie is a pretty fun ride but really has a reputation that its terrible. It's really not and is maybe the best movie that we've seen from the Cannon Group, really. The movie has some silly one-liners and action sequences for sure, but for a Cannon film its acted adequately and only has a couple of plot holes (one being the entire premise). It's truly not that bad when compared to other silly cop vs. everyone movies from the same period. It's not even in the realm of badness as Stallone's next movie "Over the Top" (also a Golan/Globus picture).

As I said, the primary plot flaw is the premise. Who are these guys in the sewer banging axes together? They put a serial killer in charge? Is he even in charge? What are their motivations and plans? But that really adds to the fun of the film on a stinker level, so it works for us.

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Prelude to Cobra

Prelude to Cobra
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Presented by Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, because one Cobra isn't enough.

Its time for us to give ol' Sly Stallone another go (for the fourth time) as he teams up with Golan and Globus for Cobra. One tough cop must teach some bad guys a lesson...or something. 

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

  • Overkill
  • The Burbs
  • Killing Season
  • Legendary

Jackie's Rant

Hollywood Trickery or going to a movie and you are lied to about it.

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Expendables 3

Expendables 3
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Watch the Whole Trailer!

75 old guys and a handful of "youths" blow some stuff up, make poopy-faces, and break through the 4th wall WAY too many times. We go to the theater and expend $3 for one of the biggest flops of 2014.

So it appears indeed that the team behind EX3 completely walked away from what made the series great. First, it's PG-13. Then instead of giving us old guys that we know and want to see, we are giving a team of young nobodies who's characters are about as kick-ass as warm lemonade. The stunts don't really get going until the last sequence and there's just too much damn CGI in it. Guys go back to what you built your career off - one-liners (that don't break through the 4th wall), crazy action sequences (that are shoot well with good stunts - not just shaking the camera around), and actual action stars (not Kelsey Grammar and Mel Gibson -even though they deliver the best performances in the movie). Still this movie is a total do...in the theater or on DVD when it comes out, NOT by illegally downloading it, you unholy pieces of Simon Cowell shit.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:4-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:3-star
Ridiculous stunts:3-star
Gratuitous nudity:0-star
Memorable one-liners:2-star

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Deathrace 2000

Deathrace 2000
Watch the WHOLE movie!

VROOOM and SPLOOSH take center stage as David Carradine makes mince-meat out of pedestrians and Sly Stallone shows us the meaning behind "Mr. The Turbo".  This one is ground-zero stinker!

Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:4-star
Cheesy effects:2-star
Horrendous acting:4-star
Laugh-out-loud-ability:4-star
Ridiculous stunts:3-star
Gratuitous nudity:4-star
Memorable one-liners:4-star

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: 4-star
Bad Movie Quality:8-star

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Prelude to Deathrace 2000

Prelude to Deathrace 2000

The very first "Stinker Hall of Fame" movie makes it's debut; so let's get ready to run people over with David Carradine and Sly Stallone.  Plus Stinker Thinkers (Sam is pummeling Justin) and Netflix Do's and Don'ts...we also may get a little out of hand here....

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Over the Top

Over the Top
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Watch the Trailer

Truck stops, crummy arm wrestling, and terrible parenting make up this weeks stinker and P.U. does this one stink! Stallone plays a mediocre trucker, a "good" arm-wrestler and maybe the worst parent ever. How the hell Leonard Part 6 won the Razzie over this turd is a travesty.

So the film revolves around Lincoln Hawk (Stallone) and his son, Michael (David Mendenhall), rekindling their relationship after 10 years of neglect. They do this by truckin' and arm wrastling. As children actor's go, David Mendenhall is pretty bad. You'd really like to step on this kid within 4 minutes of the film. It's very fitting that Stallone's Lincoln Hawk appears to completely ignore the existence of him as his son.

The relationship between the two of these people is astounding. One minute it is just preposterous as Hawk is such a total dirtbag to his son (he's late to his child's graduation because he's gotta take his shirt off and wash his truck) and the next minute is super creepy with child cuddling in a truck cab. Ick. It also tells us that a child's relationship with his father is much more important than the future of the child's life. Michael starts the film out by graduating from military school with honors and finishes the film by giving up everything to become a truck-driving arm wrestler. Nice. Maybe the film is an accurate depiction of how awful awful awful parents can really screw up a child. Or maybe it's just that someone doesn't know how to make a character likable in any way.

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Prelude to Over the Top

Prelude to Over the Top

Justin, Jackie and Sam gear up for some truckin' and arm wrastlin' with Sly Stallone's "Over the Top".  We also add more Netflix Dos and Don'ts, plus Stinker Thinkers, and Sam introduces us to the "Big Time TF"

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