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Prelude to Gymkata

Prelude to Gymkata
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This week on the podcast we gear up for one of the most notorious bad movies ever made and a hallmark of stupidity. When you need to invade a country that doesn't make any sense, send in an Olympic Gold Medalist!

The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

Immunity to negative drug side effects - 7.75 out of 10 stars

The 2016 SMABFA NominationsBest Bad MovieThe Huntsman: Winter’s WarLondon Has FallenGods of EgyptMechanic: ResurrectionNine LivesZoolander 2The BoyIndependence Day: ResurgenceWorst Bad MovieMother’s DayAlice Through the Looking GlassWarcraftNow You See Me 2Batman v Superman: Dawn of JusticeSuicide SquadX-Men: ApocalypseGhostbustersAllegiantBest Bad ActorGerard Butler -  Gods of EgyptKevin Spacey – Nine LivesGerard Butler - London has FallenJason Statham – Mechanic: ResurrectionBrent Spiner – Independence Day: ResurgenceBill Pullman - Independence Day: ResurgenceChris Hemsworth -  Huntsman: Winter’s WarChristopher Walken – Nine LivesWorst Bad ActorJared Leto - Suicide SquadTye Sheridan – Xmen: ApocalypseBill Murray – GhostbustersDaniel Radcliffe – Now You See Me 2Jeff Goldblum – Independence Day: ResurgenceJohn Depp – Alice through the Looking GlassJesse Eisenberg – Batman V SupermanBest Bad ActressEmily Blunt - Huntsman: Winter’s WarCharlize Theron - Huntsman: Winter’s WarJessica Alba – Mechanic: ResurrectionGal Gadot: Batman V SupermanMargot Robbie - Suicide SquadKristen Wig - Zoolander 2Maika Monroe – 5th WaveVivica A. Fox – ID4; 2Penelope Cruz – Zoolander 2Anne Hathaway – Alice through the Looking GlassAubrey Plaza – Dirty GrandpaWorst Bad ActressJessica Alba – Mechanic: ResurrectionKate McKinnon – GhostbustersJennifer Aniston – Mother’s DayLizzy Caplan – Now You See Me 2Kate Hudson – Mother’s DayPenelope Cruz – Zoolander 2Cara Delevingne - Suicide SquadAnne Hathaway – Alice through the Looking GlassMia Wasikowska - Alice through the Looking GlassJennifer Garner – Nine LivesMST3K Riffibility Nine LivesBen-HurMechanic: ResurrectionIndependence Day: ResurgenceBatman V SupermanDirty GrandpaThe 5th WaveGods of EgyptHuntsman – Winter’s WarAbout Gymkata - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Kurt Thomas is the stuff of legend, gymnastically speaking. He was the first American man to win gold on the floor exercise at a world championship level. His prowess was such that he has two skills named after him, the Thomas Flair and the Thomas Salto. The Thomas Salto is described not only as difficult but dangerous. He was unable to win Olympic gold though being heavily favored due to the boycott of the 1980 Olympics by the US and the majority of the country’s political allies. Why you ask did we and many others boycott the 1980 Olympics, because it was in Moscow, and those commie bastards were totally harshing our mellow. Carter would officially boycott the games in protest that the USSR or any country for that matter would have the audacity to intervene in Afghanistan. We did something else besides just boycott the Olympics, the history books will remember a little thing called Rambo 3, The only thing you need to topple the soviet power in Afghanistan is a guy who hasn’t heard of a bath or haircut.

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American Ninja 2: The Confrontation

American Ninja 2: The Confrontation
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Michael J. Dudikoff and Steve James are back from American Ninja and this time the volume of ninja gets ramped up to ludicrous levels. How do you get so many ninja? Well you just build an evil clone army of them so you can be a drug kingpin. What? Yep.

In another instance of Golan and Globus having very little understanding of the ninja, we also have very little understanding of their understanding. When you can clone ninja, what do you do with the ninja you've cloned? Well you become the kingpin of drugs. So why do you need ninja? Are they couriers? Are they drug dealers? Are they guards? Why not just have guys with guns? And why are your cloned ninja so inept? The plot is quite dumb.

Dudikoff is back and we're all too happy to see him. However, due to no fault of his own, he's not quite the same Pvt. Joe Armstrong from the first film. We really missed the unnecessary and out of place James Dean poses. He's a little less featured in this one, the stars are the ninja. However, we do give props for the incredibly tight pants that inspired the cinematographer to focus the viewers attention on a bulbous package. Ridiculous.

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Prelude to American Ninja 2: The Confrontation

Prelude to American Ninja 2: The Confrontation
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It's time to finish off our Ninja-threepeat with a follow up to our American Ninja episode in which Michael Dudikoff dons the role of Pvt. Joe Armstrong, teams up with Curtis Jackson and fights hordes and hordes of random ninja.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe Wave - NetflixKnock Knock - Amazon PrimeMalibu Beach - Amazon PrimeWild Card - Who'd win in a Knife Fight?Hillary Clinton vs Donald TrumpAbout American Kickboxer 2 - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Well it looks like Sam Firstenberg moved in to your house, as evidenced by all of these ninja movies. Well that, the toilet’s full and the cat’s pregnant. Week three of ninja business presents us with another film which most likely knows nothing about ninjas. If it did Michael Dudikoff wouldn’t be playing one. It will be difficult for American Ninja 2: The Confrontation to live up to the previous not knowing anything about ninja standards set by Ninja 3: The Domination, in which a ninja is a crazy person/ghost who wants nothing more than to kill everyone everywhere, and Unmasking the Idol, wherein a ninja is a middle aged man who has bedroom eyes and a chain mail Eyes Wide Shut costume. Ian Hunter was actually in the original cut of Eyes Wide Shut but he was covered by digital furniture as the producers found his apparel and demeanor obscene. Can this possibly know less about ninjas then the previous ninja movies? Let’s find out together.

This was made during the downturn of the Golan and Globus run at Cannon Films. Though the Assault had won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film the year before, the amount of foreign language and art films that Cannon was financing with the ninja movies, along with the disastrous purchase of an upside down theater chain had numbered the days for Yoram and Menahem. This was when budgets at Cannon started dropping below 500k, reportedly. Several years later it would be discovered that all of the numbers were outright lies. For example this film was reported to cost $350k and make 4 million dollars. That is an outright lie. The only somewhat reliable report on the return was that it’s opening 10 day was a little over 1.5 million, which makes it seem like getting to 4 would have been more than a little miraculous. Though the budget was probably above $350k, it was also most likely much less than Firstenberg would have thought. This didn’t stop him from bringing the ruckus however. Most reviews of the time praise the action, which to me is mind blowing. It also was sidelined for a couple of recuts to get the R Rating, why is more strange. The cited problem was for excessive close ups during fight scenes. I am not sure how excessive fighting close ups could get a movie towards NC17. Did the original cut have a great deal of ECU ball punching? Did Steve James punch a guy in the butt causing his eyeballs to come out of his head like in Total Recall? Would that even get an NC17?

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Unmasking the Idol

Unmasking the Idol
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Worth Keeter's first Duncan Jax film is one of the film-world's must undiscovered gems. It's a glorious romp of all things awesome. If you like any fun film ever, then Unmasking the Idol is right up your alley. It's banana's in the best manner.

Somehow Unmasking the Idol has gone under the radar since its debut 30 years ago. Only 88 user ratings exist on IMDB (including the rating we gave). Host of Stinker Madness, Justin, has it as his 10th favorite bad movie of all time. That is enough right there to have this movie have at least 100 user ratings on IMDB.

Imagine a film with a ninja baboon. Not just a baboon that is dressed in a ninja costume for cuteness. Boon, the Baboon, is an actual ninja. He kills people. And then he has a bad attitude on top of it.

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Prelude to Unmasking the Idol

Prelude to Unmasking the Idol
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A little known film from 1986 that features untold amounts of ninjas, treasure, espionage, ninjas, 3-wheeler's, a baboon, a bad-ass Ford Ranger, and so many balloons comes to the show. This is one movie you won't want to miss.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe 5th Wave - StarzLondon Has Fallen - NetflixThe Wild Card - Who Wins in a Knife FightBoon (Unmasking the Idol) vs. Clyde (Every Which Way But Loose)About Unmasking the Idol (1986) - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

The only thing you need to know is that Duncan Jax is the world’s most dangerous ninja, I guess. It is a rare occasion when a film applies a lower functional knowledge of ninjas than the Cannon Films library, but a rare occasion this is. Red rare, like the red of a baboon’s butt. If you like the red of a baboon’s but then you won’t be disappointed by this film. Yes that’s right there is a baboon in this movie. 

One could really question if this is a ninja movie, or an animal side kick film. One could also question whether this is a James Rip off or an Indiana Jones rip off. Thankfully the answer to those and all the other questions about this film is “yes”. You can actually play a fun game with this film where you start to ask a question and then in the middle of it just say the word “yes”. For example: “Is he about to?”… “yes”, “Is that baboon going to use that on?”… “yes”.  You can go on and on. I feel like the answer to most of the questions at the end of the full episode are going to simply be “yes”.

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Ninja III: The Domination

Ninja III: The Domination
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A deceased magical ninja with questionable motives possesses a telephone line working/aerobics instructor and gets her to revengify a bunch of cops who blew the ninja away (justifiably). Meanwhile, lasers, gymnastics, so much magic, and awful effects abound. Plus back hair and V8!

Ninja III may be the worst movie Cannon ever made. We're talking about Cannon here remember. This thing stinks so bad. The story is incredibly dumb/nonexistant, the action is completely ridiculous, the acting is awful, the shots are poorly staged, the effects are horrendous, dialogue is unbelievable and the complete lack of understanding life/people/reality is abundant. With that in mind, it adds up for so much fun. Wow, what a great bad movie.

It's a film like this that makes us feel lacking as reviewers of film, because this thing is just indescribable. Roger Ebert may not have been able to really figure out what Ninja III is. But watch it, I mean look at our star ratings for it!

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Prelude to Ninja III: The Domination

Prelude to Ninja III: The Domination
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This episode of the famed SM show, we put on our best disguises, pull out our tree-climbing ropes, and get ready to assassinate one of Cannon's most ridiculous films brought to the big screen. Like a ninja this film is disguised as a ninja film but it's 100% banana business. Plus the whole thing is free on YouTube! Thanks Paramount Vault!

Full time fan and part time contributor @MartiniShark shares his bombs of Summer 2016 list. Good stuff here. https://t.co/jp0St4fh4p

— Stinker Madness (@StinkerMadness) September 5, 2016Streaming Do's and Don'tsJaws - NetflixJaws II - NetflixJaws 3 - NetflixJaws: The Revenge - NetflixThe Wild Card - Pop Quiz, Hotshot - Ninja EditionQ: The word/kanji for Ninja didn't appear until the 20th century. What were they called before then?Q: First record of Ninja?Q: The ninja star, or Shuriken is probably the most notorious weapon used by ninjas. What was it's primary function? Q: Describe the garb of the ninja?Q: What is a kusarigama?Q: What's a kunoichi?About Ninja III: The Domination - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Sam Firstenberg is always first, when it comes to ninjas, or movies about ninjas, or movies that are supposed to have ninjas in them but really only have ninjas in the title and then the movie contains oddly dressed villains or heroes appearing as what the good people at Cannon Films would like us to believe are ninjas. Ninja III takes it’s first departure from reality by adding the number 3 to its name and trying to convince us, the savvy audience, that this is the final installment of a trilogy and not just the third ninja themed film that cannon put out starring Sho Kosugi. Firstenberg had previously directed Revenge of the Ninja, which should have been called Revisiting of the Last Ninja Script we did With a Kid Added. I went into greater detail on Firstenberg and his seemingly endless ninja/samurai filmography when we previously viewed American Ninja, which was Firstenberg and Golan’s righting of Cannons ninja ship that becomes lost at sea due to this film. So go back and listen to the prelude from American Ninja if you want to hear about it because I have new ground to cover, but not bodies to cover, because one of them is already covered – in hair.

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American Ninja

American Ninja
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Private Joe Armstrong (Michael Dudikoff) makes his dramatic debut to Stinker Madness with enough cool guy stares to melt a polar bear when he and Steve James team-up to punch and kick guys....and shoot them...and blow them up....sometimes run them over....and other ways you can kill guys.

Joining us for this episode is Joe Fulgham from the always funny and sometimes grody podcast, Caustic Soda. If you've never heard or had the chance to listen to these guys you are blowing it. As in "not ever having seen No Holds Barred blowing it". We listen to each and every episode, its that good.

Check out Caustic Soda

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Prelude to American Ninja

Prelude to American Ninja
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


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Well, who didn't see this one making it to the program? It's 1). Michael J. Dudikoff 2). Cannon Films and 3). Ninja baloney that doesn't require any working knowledge of ninjas, just that they are sweet. 

We've got a VERY special guest for the American Ninja main episode, Joe Fulgham from the Caustic Soda Podcast. You don't want to miss this one.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsEverly - NetflixTurbo Kid - NetflixThe Great Superpower Debate

The power to freeze time within spheres around you - 1 out of 10 - The worst superpower ever!

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