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The Star Wars Holiday Special

The Star Wars Holiday Special
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Watch the Original CBS Bumper and Intro!

Prepare to have your childhood dreams shattered! There's a reason the Star Wars Holiday Special has been buried and left to bootlegs as the only avenue to its viewing. It's terrible. Birdemic is a better film. We kid you not.

The entire "concept" (I can't call it a story) is that Life Day is being celebrated on Kashyyk, the Wookie homeworld and Chewbacca is trying to get back to his family to spend the day with them. But that pesky Empire won't go away (even though their Death Star just go sploded) and tries to prevent the Millennium Falcon from reaching Kashyyk (or Kashook, depending on who is talking). Meanwhile at Chewbacca's house, the Empire has decreed to raid all homes and look for evidence of Rebel Alliance affiliations. When put that way it sounds like it might be ok right? Wrong.

First and foremost, this is a 2 hour film (including the commercials which ARE worth watching) and 50% or more of the dialogue is in Wookie. It gets quite old after about 5 minutes of listening to three Wookies talking to each other. Now take the Star Wars out of the whole thing and pretend that they are just people and the exact same events happen. Its painfully boring. Momma Wookie watches a Martha Stewart special. Junior Wookie plays with toys and won't take out the trash. They make calls to family and friends. Grandpa Wookie gets a masturbation machine and uses it....what? Yup, one of the holy crap moments is when Chewie's dad gets a VR machine that displays a half naked Diahann Carroll dancing seductively and singing about how much she wants him and Grandpa Wookie likey....alot. Uber-creepy.

Then there is the other 50% or so of the movie, which is just cuts of original footage from A New Hope pasted in. Han Solo's getting chased by Star Destroyers...Darth is walking down the hallway of the Death Star (that no longer exists), Han is fighting Tie Fighters and talking to Luke Skywalker (who isn't onboard). 

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Prelude to The Star Wars Holiday Special

Prelude to The Star Wars Holiday Special
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


Watch the Original CBS Bumper and Intro!

Brought to you by the Star Wars Prequels Awesome Editions - the way we would have made them (hint = more Splosions!)

Justin's Christmas wish is about to come true as we all prepare to view a film so notorious even the filmmakers tried to block everyone from every viewing it. With every single major cast member from Star Wars Episode IV plus singing and dancing (is that Bea Arthur and Heady Lamar? (That's HEADLY!)) this has got to be the greatest moment of our 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies pod/vid crawl.

15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies Pod/Vid Crawl

Be sure to check out these other fine programs to continue your journey through horrible Christmas movies!

Misan[trope]y - Releasing December 5th – Santa With Muscles 

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Spice World

Spice World
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Relive the late 90's with this guilty pleasure film. The 5 Spicy Ones take their magical Tardis bus on a tour of nowhere, where men with ass pants, molesting aliens, and some unnamed Asian pregnant lady all stand in their way to endless singing.

Posh, Ginger, Sporty, Baby and Scary Spices give us a full look inside their lives as Spice Girls. Alan Cummings is tasked with making an in-depth look at what it means to be a Spice Girl and how they live and go crazy with Girl Power while their manager must attempt to keep them wrangled. Meatloaf is their bus driver (and official toilet clogger), George Wendt and Mark McKinnie are two Hollywood film makers who want to make a blockbuster movie about them and Roger Moore is the brains behind the whole operation.

Its good fun here and there but suffers greatly from the inane gibberish that spews forth from each Spice (except Baby who has a very clean accent, strangely since all she should say is "goo goo gah gah" right?) and far too much singing and "humanizing" the Spice Girls.  We say bleh on this one.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:

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Prelude to Spice World

Prelude to Spice World
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


Watch the Whole Trailer!

Presented to you by "Bob's Your Uncle 2: Tikity BOOM!" - The latest cop thriller from Stinker Studios.

In honor of our tour through the UK, Jackie has made us bring back the fabulous 5 girls from England in the musical(?), cult favorite(?), Spice World.

My first thought is, why are they so spicey? Is England known for its spices? And only one of them has a name like a spice; Ginger Spice. The rest are just variations of their individual attitude/theme. Now J-Lo...she's spicy. Aye Ca-rumba!

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A Star is Born

A Star is Born
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Is this the hardest to watch film of all time? The answer is yes. This movie sucks, isn't about anything, and it's 2 and a half hours of the worst person to ever live. We cut this things to ribbons and you'll like what we have to say.

Essentially, the entire movie is about Barbara Streisand's ego. From the very first time you see her, she is hamming it up the entire time and placating to the camera. She's like a teenage girl with a webcam and a hair brush pretending to be a microphone. Its horrendously hard to watch. 

Kris Kristopherson portrays the worst "rock star" in music history. He can't complete a song on stage without walking off, pissing off the audience or really even having more than one song. No one would go to this guy's concert, no matter how awesome his songs might be in theory. He can't complete a song. 

The whole film is completely unbelievable (two rock stars can build architectural masterpiece in the span of a week?), the dialogue is atrocious (I made beef and biscuits for breakfast) and we can't find anything romantic about it anywhere (they take a weird bath with Schiltz beer can candle-holders, he cheats on her with someone even less attractive than Streisand and she appears to use him just to launch her career). This is a big fan don't watch movie. 

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Stinker Madness
Whoops! Good catch. Although as old as Josh Brolin is looking these days, I wouldn't have been surprised....
Monday, 12 October 2015 17:40
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