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Gwendoline

gwendoline
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A French director, named Just Jaeckin, gives us a serious boobie movie with Tawny Kitaen, Brent Huff, and Zabou in which they find the land of the Yik Yak, an underground future society of topless women. Its got our record for the highest boob count to date!

Well imagine a movie where there's about 100 different topless women. So I know you can just stop and be happy with that. But there's so much more to this film than a cavalcade of hot cans. 

Brent Huff plays a rogue named Willard (more of the name of a local weatherman, than a movie hero), who is a supreme butthole. This guy is pretty hard to like as a person. If you've listened to the episodes of the show for Tom Boy or Teen Witch, you'll understand the level of douche the 80's pervade. Willard takes the cake. What a complete and total horrible human that we are later told by the film that he's just got a rough surface. Oof.

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Cutthroat Island

Cutthroat Island
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Its one of the worst box office flops that has ever existed and there's a reason for that. This movie stinks! But take some bad acting, bad action, terrible dialogue, and add in the "idiot plot" and you've got a great time ahead. Yo-ho, me scalped hardys!

Let's get the most common complaint about this film - Geena Davis as action lady. Sure, she stinks. She's got no action ability and looks horrendously awful on screen. Her movements aren't fluid and come at you at about the pace of a turtle. Her action is lumpy. There's just no other word, lumpy. She can't get a line right either.

But here's the deal...she didn't have a lot to work with here. The script is unbelievable. It's filled with cheesy one-liners, more than we've ever come across. It has more terrible one-liners than any Chuck Norris movie. Honestly. Then there's her (at the time) husband's direction. Michael Bay can do a better and more believable job. The action is so poorly put together and each shot has at least one glaring flaw in it. 

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Prelude to Cutthroat Island

Prelude to Cutthroat Island
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In our FINAL Prelude episode (that's right, you heard it), we pull out all the stops for Cutthroat Island. It's known to be one of the biggest flops of cinema history and a career-ender for everyone involved except for the director who is at fault more than anyone.

The Wild Card from Justin - Pop Quiz, Hotshot (Pirate Edition)Q. Pirates pierced their ears, not to look cool. Why?A. Believed precious gems in their ears improved one's eyesight.Q. Why did pirates wear eye patches?A. To always have one eye adjusted to darkness to fight below deck in darkQ. Women pirates! Name one.A. Anne Bonny stole the REvenge with Jack Rackham and pirated until it was captured.    Mary Read partnered with Anne Bonny    Sayyida al Hurra ruled mediterreanean in early 1500s    Jeanne-Louise de Belleville led three black with red sail ships called the BLack Fleet taking revenge against King Philip VI for killing         her husband.    Ching Shih captured by pirates in 1801, then married their captain. When he died she took over the fleet of over 300 junks and 40,000       men. Chinese navy lost 63 ships to them.Q. What was a pirates most popular form of crew punishment?A. Keelhauling - getting tied to the ship and dragged under, getting your skin torn off AND/OR drowning. Whhheeeee!!!Q. Describe the most deadliest of pirate flags?A. Red background with an hourglass on it. Meant give no quarter.The Wild Card from Sam - The Great Superpower DebateThe Magneto of Food or Mind Chef - 7/10 stars (with a caveat of Jackie just being grumpy, this is a 10/10 if there ever was one)The Wild Card from Jackie - Would You Rather?Be stabbed the Last Unicorn or eaten by Clifford the Big Red DogDrowning via Loch Ness Monster or Drawn and Quartered by SasquatchNot worth going over.....About Cutthroat Island - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

When it comes to pirate movies, I like my swashbuckling hot and my pirates and pirate ladies hotter. People who wear leather and don’t take baths, covered in sea salt and bird shit. Wait that’s real pirates, who were most certainly gross. Movie pirates though, they have the hots all over. Jon Depp, Orlando Bloom, Matthew Modine… Wait Modine? Really? Do you want a pirate or a middle aged father who doesn’t understand his teenagers?

How exactly does this casting faux pas come about? Well, Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves, Liam Neeson, Jeff Bridges, Ralph Fiennes, Charlie Sheen, Michael Keaton, Tim Robbins, Daniel Day Lewis and Gabriel Byrne all said no. Michael Douglas said yes, but his list of demands read like a Tolstoy novel so they brought in Modine. This is, to me anyway, a clear Christopher Lambert situation. Sure he can’t see a fucking thing, he cares too much and I am willing to bet that he is a close talker, but I would believe he was a pirate. You put pirate clothes on Modine and you have a middle school teacher on Halloween.

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She-Devil

She-Devil
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Roseanne gets "vengeance" upon a hubby-stealing romance novelist, by destroying her own life, abandoning her children, treating other's as pawns in her master plan, and exploiting the weak and trusting women in need that the films tells you she is freeing from oppression. This thing is a mondo-turd.

I hate this movie. I'll make no apologies to start. It's not funny. It's infuriatingly preposterous and at no point can one sympathize or appreciate any of the characters. They are the "basket of deplorables" that I believe Mrs. Clinton was speaking about; politics aside, she just hated these three people. Let's start with the easy spots: Ed Begley's Bob and Meryl Streep's Mary. The viewer isn't supposed to like them. They are the antagonists with Bob being an emotionally abusive and cheating husband (with a side order of being a buffoon) and Mary, an egotistical, spoiled and sociopathic bitch (for lack of a better word). Sure, they're the bad guys. You shouldn't like them. But in a comedy, you should enjoy them. In this POS, the screen-time shared between Begley and Streep comes across as a poor impression of The Three Stooges (minus 1). "Wow, aren't they zany!?" said the producer. The audience responds by pissing on said producer's pants.

Then there's ol' Ruth (Barr). Now she's had a rough go, right? Her husband's a twat, society told her that she's growdy and that darn Mary is just everywhere reminding her how inferior she is. So instead of taking a stand and defending herself against the offenses of her environment she plays along. She takes these punches and even stands by her cheating husband saying "He'll get bored of Mary and come back to me. I just need to be the good, dutiful wife until then." I'm sorry, you want him back? Strike one. Strike two is that you've let this happen before. The film subtly states that this isn't Bob's first escapade in cheating. Strike three, he's verbally abusive to you. I'm sorry but I feel that in even in sexist 1989, any woman that we should view as an inspiration should probably have told Bob at some point to eat shit. Yes I understand that abused women sometimes get a version of Stockholm Syndrome, but I'm not trying to make a point about reality. I'm making a point about a film that says that women shouldn't take no shit from no asshole, even if they are their husbands (and that is correct) but the film also states that hey, if you get lonely after you do, why not take him back? Screw this.

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Prelude to She-Devil

Prelude to She-Devil
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Roseanne Barr and Meryll Streep join up to deliver the yucks and yuck is what they deliver in a tale about a scorned middle-American housewife revengifying the atrocities committed upon her person and also liberating womankind from oppressions. She just makes things worse....

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@StinkerMadness Inappreciate you guys redoing a whole show to get it on the air. Technical difficulties suck. It happens. Still funny ?

— Ry (@ryanmoralesaz) January 9, 2017

Brad Slager AKA @martinishark

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Ninja III: The Domination

Ninja III: The Domination
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A deceased magical ninja with questionable motives possesses a telephone line working/aerobics instructor and gets her to revengify a bunch of cops who blew the ninja away (justifiably). Meanwhile, lasers, gymnastics, so much magic, and awful effects abound. Plus back hair and V8!

Ninja III may be the worst movie Cannon ever made. We're talking about Cannon here remember. This thing stinks so bad. The story is incredibly dumb/nonexistant, the action is completely ridiculous, the acting is awful, the shots are poorly staged, the effects are horrendous, dialogue is unbelievable and the complete lack of understanding life/people/reality is abundant. With that in mind, it adds up for so much fun. Wow, what a great bad movie.

It's a film like this that makes us feel lacking as reviewers of film, because this thing is just indescribable. Roger Ebert may not have been able to really figure out what Ninja III is. But watch it, I mean look at our star ratings for it!

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Glitter

Glitter
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In 2001, Mariah Carey decided to wreck thousands of lives and destroy Sam's affection for her visual appearance, primarily her face. While "glitter can't overpower the artist" Glitter can't even overpower it's own idiocy, racism, and sexism.

What? Glitter is a period-piece? This takes place in 1983? WTF? Why on Earth does it take place in 1983? The clothes, the cars, the music, the set pieces, the vernacular, NOTHING was done that says "Hey, it's 1983" except a bottom 1/3 graphic. It's screams that it's actually 2001. And 1983 serves absolutely no purpose to the story. None. If there was a bad movie award for poor and unnecessary choices and the subsequent execution of said choice, this would have been that categories Gone With the Wind.

So Mariah....is a pariah....to acting. Now that that terrible joke is over, she stinks. She truly looks lost and confused throughout the entire production. She appears to be on Quaaludes and just tripping balls at the production lights on the set. She's out of it completely. Unfortunately, her terrible performance is not a fun thing to view. It's not laughable or enjoyable. It's almost none-existent as this film hardly features any lines for her to screw up. So no fun there which this reviewer looked forward to the most. Bummer.

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Prelude to Glitter

Prelude to Glitter
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It's time for Jackie to choose another Razzie winning and highly nominated "musical". In 2001, men in ties decided to crap in our ears and eyes as the allow Mariah Carey to create her own movie about her career (sorta). Get ready for gluch....

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe Curse of Sleeping Beauty - NetflixJustin's Top 5 80's Action Guys!

5. Kurt Russell - Escape from LA, The Thing, Big Trouble, Tango & Cash4. Chuck Norris - Delta Force, Firewalker, Invasion USA, Lone Wolf McQuade3. Jackie Chan - Project A, Meals on Wheels, Police Story, Armour of God2. Sly Stallone - All Rambos, Rocky IV, Cobra, Tango & Cash1. Arnold Schwarzenegger - Conan, Commando, Predator, Running Man

Here's who is NOT on the list:Bruce Willis - Blow Hard IV - I'm a douchebagMel Gibson - Being in a film franchise where you make quirky faces and deliver lines at the speed Robin Williams tells jokes doesn't qualify as action guy.Carl Weathers - Action Jackson's lack of action is an instant out - nice backflip over a car though.Sigourney Weaver - Aliens is a shitty sequel and that's all she did.Honorable mentionsSonny LandhamCynthia RothrockBill DukeSho KosugiWild Card - Who would win in a knife fight?The Last Unicorn vs. Falcor the luck dragonAbout Glitter - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Since the early 90's, Mariah Carey has captivated the hearts and boners of teenage boys. In 2001, she decided to pull one of the grandest heists in all of history when she decided to simultaneously rob all of our spank banks with the release of Glitter. The film was apparently Carey’s brain child and she had been pushing the movie all about her and sparkles from early 1997. If we all recall the Mariah Carey hospitalization from exhaustion, which I didn’t, it delayed the release of the film by three weeks, which ultimately couldn’t have hurt the grosses as much as the film itself. It does have it’s fans though.  John Wilson, the progenitor of the Golden Raspberry included this in his book of 100 most enjoyable bad films. Only Carey won a Razzie however. Freddy Got Fingered won the majority of the Razzies that year. Carey’s boobs even lost worst on screen couple to Tom Green and any animal he was abusing. 2001 was apparently a dark year in filmmaking history as films such as 3000 Miles to Graceland, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Swordfish, Pearl Harbor, and Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles were unable to make it past the Razzie nomination stage due to Driven the aforementioned FGF, Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes and this pile of crap.

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Mommie Dearest

Mommie Dearest
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In 1981, Faye Dunaway took the role of Joan Crawford and then thought she was on a one way track to Oscar Town. Instead, her completely unbelievable performance bought her a bus ticket to Razzieville. We take on this cult classic and try to determine the ultimate question of "Is it really that bad or good?"

So there's truly only one thing to talk about regarding this film. It's Faye Dunaway's performance. So much has been said about this role and her completely ridiculous take on being an insane person. You can't take her seriously. The character is doing completely horrible things that bear no semblance to anything a rational person would do but Faye's take on it is outlandish. It's impossible and by far the most interesting part of the whole damn thing. Unfortunately, her freak outs are too few and far between.

The rest of the film is painfully uninteresting. You're stuck wading through mooping around waiting for Joan to drink to much and throw a tissy fit. It's poorly paced, poorly written, and poorly edited. Characters disappear, others age at different speeds, makeup failed, plot points are dialed down (Joan's revolving lover door, her excessive drinking, her random insane speeches) and throughout you're disappointed because it's tedious but seriously not as bad as billed. The shots are well done, set design is great and directing is competent. It's truly not bad enough.

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Prelude to Mommie Dearest

Prelude to Mommie Dearest
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One of the most prolific bad movies of all time finally lands on the show with Jackie's choice in the Faye Dunaway "acted" biography adaptation of Mommie Dearest. It's the story of Joan Crawford and her very progressive and seemingly quite fair treatment of stolen baby, Christina. So many Razzie wins but will it hold up to the Stinker Madness treatment?

Streaming Do's and Don'tsTwisted Justice - Amazon PrimeProject Metalbeast - YouTubeStriking Distance - StarzThe Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

Fart force fields - 4 out of 10 stars

 

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Supergirl

Supergirl
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Part 2 of our 3 Superhero Movie Festival just so happens to be our 200th podcast episode! Congratulations to us! Sadly the movie, Supergirl, does not contain any of the fanfare that revolves around our momentous milestone. It's just one of the most boring, uneventful films ever made.

There are so many problems with Supergirl. The first and foremost is that absolutely nothing happens of interest. It's truly unwatchable in the level of bore. Make something happen guys...anything.

Secondly, it breaks its own rules constantly. First is the entire franchise. Superman's home of Krypton got exploded and he was the only survivor right? Well Supergirl is his cousin, which is fine. But the total lack of exposition about how she exists is troubling. She and a group of others who may or may not be Kryptonian live in the bottom of a lake in Minnesota (in micro-size, none the less). So did they get there before Krypton exploded? They've been on Earth this whole time? Shouldn't they have the powers of the yellow sun as well? Who are these people?

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Prelude to Supergirl

Prelude to Supergirl
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In part 2 of our Superhero fest, we follow Superman IV with another flop from the Supes franchise, 1984's Supergirl, starring Helen Slater of The Legend of Billie Jean fame. How offensive will Jackie's third 1980's teen girl movie be? Can it stand up to the horrible morals established in Teen Witch? Will it have as much creepy sexual misguidance as Tomboy? We're two for two in this genre so hopefully Supergirl will uphold the tradition.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsWolf - StarzChain Reaction - StarzCool World - StarzWild Card - The Superhero Poop BattleBatman vs The JokerThe Joker vs Lex LuthorThor vs Lex LuthorAbout Supergirl - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

As mentioned in last week’s SBBS, or as I refer to it in private; the astute observations of a handsome genius, this was the final cannonball that sunk the dubious Salkind Superman franchise. After the dreadful Superman 3 the Salkinds felt they could revive the series by doing a spinoff with Supergirl. At this point Richard Lester has once again had it with the Salkinds. The directorial search ended with French director Jeannot Szwarc, a veteran of American Television. He had previously directed Christopher Reeves in Somewhere in Time. His Hollywood commercial viability was dropping as the aforementioned Somewhere in Time had under-performed and his follow up, Enigma with Martin Sheen was a full flop. The Salkinds, who were probably out of options, took him on the recommendation of Reeves, who would subsequently bail on his cameo in this film. The script was provided by David O’Dell who, with his next film would provide Stinker Madness with it’s first episode: Masters of the Universe. Odell also wrote the script for the visual masterpiece, The Dark Crystal. Those who have paid close attention to the dialogue and the story of The Dark Crystal have determined that it makes as much sense as a screen door on a submarine. Money was apparently no object as Dolly Parton would turn down 7 million to play the witch. The opening credits reportedly cost $1 million.

As to the troubled nature of this film, it remains the only DC movie not released by Warner, ever. Warner finished the movie but opted to scrap it, Tristar would offer them enough to distribute the movie. One of Tristar’s strategies on recouping the initial investment on purchasing the distribution rights was to go direct to video in markets outside the US. At one point a container that was only labeled “do not use” was found in the vault of Pinewood Studios.  Inside that container was the director’s cut of Supergirl, with a total running time of 138 minutes. There was reportedly an hour cut from the “do not use” version. Oddly the “do not use” version would be one of the more successful versions as Anchor Bay did a limited edition of 50,000 copies which apparently sold.

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Tomboy

Tomboy
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Betsy Russell cranks up the charm while the movie's everything else sets women's equality back 20 years. It's possibly the most offensive to women (and anyone with a brain) movie to come out of the 80s packaged as a rom-com. Enjoy this movie, but in no way practice anything from it in real life.

We'll start with Betsy Russell, the star (Tommy Boyd). She's quite cute. She's quite charming. She's got a huge rack. But her hair stinks. She suffers from a case of Adrienne Barbeau head. Yes it was the 80's and yes perms were the norm but in "these modern times" perms look ridiculous and only belong on people that work the counter at your local golf course. With that caveat, we'd love it if we could find more stinkers with her in them. She's got IT!

The rest of this movie is a series of bad and offensive ideas where people behind the camera had no concept of reality nor how to treat women properly. The lead beau is an EPIC douche/rapist. In one scene he punches Tommy in the mouth and then while "unconscious" he begins the process of rape. Then she falls in love with him. This guy just punched you in the face and was going to sexually assault you! Don't fall in love with him! Call the cops!

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Jem and the Holograms

Jem and the Holograms
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In October of 2015, Jem and the Holograms was released into US theaters with much fanfare, and by fanfare I mean people asking "They remade Jem? Well that was dumb..." and then one week later it was nowhere to be found, instantly making it a SMABFA contender. Whose idea was this anyways?

Jem is a moral tale for females of the Millenial generation. So think of the most annoying thing in the world. Correct, its a teenage girl from that generation. So that's not good. However, the moral really is a good one; that girls shouldn't be who society dictates they should be, they should be themselves and revel in their own strengths and weaknesses. It's a great moral and we at Stinker Madness fully support it.

The problem with Jem is the moral gets completely lost in the presentation. Sure, the plot is stupid. Sure, acting is not so good. Sure, the hunky boy is a total douche with the obligatory shirtless scene. These problems can be managed. The problem with Jem is the constant use of YouTube videos of other real life teenagers "practicing" music intercut into dialogue and montages. They are a hideous distraction and painfully annoying. Just what this film needs, more Internetting....blech.

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I Know Who Killed Me

I Know Who Killed Me
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LL stars in her Razzie winning opus/masterpiece of terrible cinema, twice! It's the story of a mixed up teen and her mixed up teen doppelganger who suffer from "non-religious stigmata" and death by not finishing piano training. It may be the least frightening horror movie ever made!

Lindsey Lohan wows us in the film. She may not have been aware she was in movie for about half of the film. She appears to be either on ludes or vodka quite frequently. You can see her tune out of being there when not giving lines and sorta just stares at the wall. Her "stripping" is awful in that she doesn't actually strip. Oh she dances then? No she doesn't do that either. She just sorta makes a poopy face and slithers around the pole. Wow. I've never stripper danced before but I'm pretty sure I could have done a better job.

Her "killer" is portrayed as a serial killer with a desire to "punish" his victims by hacking off limbs while leaving them alive, then tossing them off the side of the road when he runs out of limbs. Here's the thing: there's only 1 murder victim in this movie. 1 victim does NOT make a serial killer, nor does it bring in the FBI. Idiots. 

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Prelude to I Know Who Killed Me

Prelude to I Know Who Killed Me
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Presented by "I Know Who My Agent Is" the horror film that only scares Hollywood. An agent sets out to kill Lindsey Lohan, Paul Giamatti and Will Smith's careers. The horror!

Jackie brings in another multi-Razzie winner, with 8 wins, including Worst Actress and Worst Picture. It's the Lohan, starring in her first role as a crack whore but refuses to take her top off. Can it possibly be worse than Wicker Man?

Streaming Do's and Don'tsQ - The Winged Serpent - YouTubeCurtains - YouTubeMad Foxes - Now removed from YouTube, Sorry.The Invitation - NetflixGood Neighbor, Bad NeighborGus Gus - CinderellaCatwoman - CatwomanTeela - He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

 

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Zombeavers

Zombeavers
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Take beavers, add radioactive waste, a cabin in the woods scenario and you've got the idea behind Zombeavers. Add annoying characters, a series of missed opportunities, confusion on what the film is trying to do, doing the dog in the wrong way, and far too many unintentional cliches to be bothered with. If you enjoyed films like Cabin Fever, Cabin in the Woods, or Dale and Tucker Versus Evil then this film is a platform for disappointment. This is much more like Wolf Cop. Bummer.

The primary problem with the film is that it doesn't know what it is. Is it a comedy that takes a satirical look at all of the tropes of your typical budget monster movie? Or is it just a crapped out, lazily written horror movie that doesn't bother to create anything new other than that the antagonist is furry beavers? There's points of the movie where you think "Oh good they get it and this is going to be fun" such as the opening with John Mayer and Bill Burr, or bothering with much of a scientific explanation of the beavers being zombies or instead of when bitten you just become a zombie of whatever species you are, you become a zombeaver version of whatever species you are. But then it trips over a plethora of plot details that get setup but go absolutely no where or fail to deliver the right joke that is blatantly staring the audience right in the face. Its like someone is pitching the script perfectly at a writer who has never swung a bat before. Swing and miss. Swing and miss.

The actors....wow. Quite the mix of people that you either absolutely hate (I'm talking to you Sam (Farenheit 51 AKA Hutch Dano)) or completely don't care about at all (Talking to you Jenn (Lexi Atkins)). The characters and actors that you DO care about and like are on screen for far too little specifically the aforementioned Mayer and Burr, as well as the neighbors and Smyth (Rex Linn).

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Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
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Russ and Roger go beyond in this under-whelming tale of how LA is tough on people, I guess. It's really a tale of people having banter that doesn't work for the viewer and then boning. Nothing happens in the film until 90% of the way through. We say less banter, more boobies.

We'll just go ahead and say that this was a massive disappointment. We were hoping for some really far out zany business with a nice backdrop of solid chests. Unfortunately, its mostly just music video, party, banter, music video, party, banter, tame boning, music video, banter, party, wedding, credits. This formula equals a sum of boring for 3/4 of the film. The pacing and writing seem to try to shock the viewer but I can't even imagining in 1970 that this film was shocking. Its as if you are told that people can be gay and then the person telling you this looks at you as says "Aren't you shocked? You must be shocked? That's SOOOO shocking" while you look at this person and wonder if they've ever been outside. How naive did Russ and Roger think people were in 1970? People have sex and do drugs?!?! Whoa...

The acting is par for the most part, we wouldn't call it really good or bad; only a few people really blow it and give us something to remark on. Which is another strike. There is only a couple of laughable performances. This in spite the fact that most of the cast is made up of Playmates.

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Xanadu

Xanadu
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We dare to tackle 1980's danceical/musical/drama/romance/comedy/disaster that is Xanadu. We all know the story. Its that old tale of an artist that has no talent or motivation or confidence meets a magical roller skating deity that gives him the ability to meet a guy who has all the money and to woo him into investing several millions of dollars into building a roller-skating club/disco. You know that old tale.

Lets get straight to the mustard. This movie stinks. Its one of the worst ideas ever created. Let's take a the above idea, write a script that is 3 pages long, take a current hot "talent" who is mediocre at singing, dancing, and acting, intentionally put in bad special effects and throw in Gene Kelly just so you can feel bad for him. Xanadu is not so much a train wreck and more of a genocide of puppies. You really want to take your eyes off it.

Olivia Newton John is the centerpiece of this film in an eerily similar way as Babs was in A Star is Born. She is continually on camera as if the entire movie is just one big music video to prove to you all how wonderful she is. Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she???? No. She's at no point good or bad. She's just mediocre at everything. She's just an ok singer, she's just an ok dancer and she's just an ok actor but she's so crammed into your face during this thing that you wonder who saw what in this concept.

The plot is dumb (the main guy is a wanker that has no abilities or skills and no work ethic (like going to work at all), yet a rich, experienced, professional, classy guy is willing to make him a 50/50 partner in remodeling a nightclub that would cost millions in investment. Oh yeah, they are Eskimo Brothers (look it up) through one mystical transparent girl who is the daughter of Zeus (credited as Male Heavenly Voice). Icky.

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Hell Squad

Hell Squad
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Take 1 kidnapped diplomat's son, a country that only has bad guys in it, one guy how is a bit of a dick, 9 strippers, shake and stir and you've got Hell Squad. We aren't really sure what this movie is (other than ridiculous), is it a comedy or action movie?

The story is that there is some new special WMD that can blow up organic material but not anything else. This is determined by finding a newspaper that is not burnt but evidence of a horse getting sploded after a test of the weapon, however since newspaper is made of paper which is made of trees which as far as I know are actually living and organic, should mean the newspaper would also burn. This is foreshadowing of the idiocy of the rest of the story. The rest of the story, is that terrorists have this weapon already but need a schematic for part of a rocket to launch it. It seems like they've already built the hard part though. So they kidnap a diplomat's son and ransom him for this schematic (which no country would negotiate this deal, sorry bud. You're dead). Well the answer to this problem is to take 9 Las Vegas showgirls, train them for 10 days, then send this into Karajan (bad guy country) and let them find the kid and bring him back.

The story is so dumb that I can only figure that its supposed to be a joke, but its presented in such a manner that makes it seem like its a solid premise for an action movie. However, jokes abound that may or may not be funny in the film. One lady can't use a rifle because he boobs are too big, there's a water shortage in Karajan so the girls all have to use the bath tub at once (and everyday) and spoiler alert - there's a Scooby-Doo ending.

With that all said, Hell Squad is a really good time and a very underrated bad movie. It's inept film-making at its best with a completely ridiculous story and presentation. You can watch it twice in a row because of how much laughing at it you'll do the first time around. We recommend it greatly.

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