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Firewalker

Firewalker
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Chuck Norris, Louis Gosset Jr, and Melody Anderson go on a wild ride through various adventures on the way to get treasure. Along the way the face alligators, sinking cars, rebels, gang-rape village, the Mexican Gestapo, their own visual appearance, and elaborate aboriginal death traps. Sounds ridiculous? It is indeed.

Firewalker is Golan and Globus' take on the very popular and quite good, Romancing the Stone. In fact, it's a veritable carbon copy of the film but with your typical Cannon Films ineptitude. It's writing is completely out of control stupid, the entire plot is irrelevant to itself, characters have strange motivations and are generally unneeded, the acting stinks, the cast possesses zero charm or chemistry, and the action sequences are written by children.

The comedic duo of Norris and Gosset Jr may not have quite the reputation as Abbot and Costello, or Laurel and Hardy but they shouldn't either. These are two of the least comedic people imaginable. Neither of them have any concept of delivery or timing. But in their defense there's not a lot to work with either. You might say that each joke is a classic "Dad Joke". Sounds awful, but somehow this film transcends bad comedy and comes around making it funny. It's one of those "this joke is so bad and not funny that it becomes funny" movies. Halfway through the movie your brain is so dumbed down that you end up laughing unironically at these stupid lines. Great stuff.

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Prelude to Firewalker

Prelude to Firewalker
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Charles Norris returns again for his 3rd appearance on the show in a teamup with awful acting staple, Louis Gossett, Jr. in Firewalker. A film that appears to be a complete knockoff of Indiana Jones or Romancing the Stone or take your pick. Can Chuck Norris bring the comedy that he's so well known for? Or will this be as laughable as toothpaste?

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Re: My superpower of electromagnetic telekinesis at a cost:

@StinkerMadness use power on small stuff for a Domino affect. Fry a single necessary wire to cripple city blocks, o e braincell to kill? 9

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The Delta Force

The Delta Force
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Part 2 of Carl's Inaction in Action series, we look at Chuck Norris and Lee Marvin in the Cannon Group's The Delta Force. It's part best hijacking movie ever and then part iconic Chuck Norris ridiculous action. Sometimes you in suspense and then other times your slapping your head in how preposterous it is.

There's two movies here. One is a slow-paced, well directed, solidly acted hostage crisis movie. The other is 100 guys invading a country and blowing everyone up. The first 100 minutes have 0 shots fired. It isn't even until 114 minutes that The Delta Force starts firing bullets back. But once they start shooting they don't stop until there's about 3 minutes left in the film.

So again I have to review this based on the two different movies. The first movie is very frightening. You really feel fear for the characters and there's some very heavy and serious thematic elements brought up. This all may be even more relevant today than it was in 1986 (when the film was released). There's anti-Semitic conflicts and Holocaust connections. There's general terror as we all know how awful a plane hijacking is.

But at the same time, the two main terrorists (one of which is maybe Robert Forster's best performance which is saying something) flip-flop back and forth about how evil they are. Sometimes you almost expect them to be revealed as misunderstood freedom fighters but then they just get downright villainous. Very strange.

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Prelude to The Delta Force

Prelude to The Delta Force
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Brought to you by The Delta Force 4: Phoentigeddon

It's time to pack up the dune buggies and the motorcycles with rocket launchers and prepare for part 2 of "Karl's Inaction in Action" trilogy started by Hell Squad and finishing with Megaforce.

This time it's Chuck Norris & Lee Marvin (his last film) vs The Middle East as Cannon Films makes their 4th appearance on Stinker Madness. Golan himself directed this nugget. Which Chuck Norris will we get? Bearded, Mulleted, or Clean Cut?

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe Town that Dreaded Sundown (2014)Full Moon HighRobocop 2Robocop 3

Jackie's Rant - assorted trivia questions

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Invasion USA

Invasion USA
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Sam, Jackie and Justin delve into the intense neo-political sub-tones of Invasion USA...and all the Spolsions. Chuck Norris wears a curly mullet and tells you, "It's time to die" unless he doesn't also have a rocket launcher. BOOM!

So the fun thing about Invasion USA is Chuck Norris' impenetrable calmness. No matter what happens on screen, he's completely deadpan throughout and never raises his voice above a whisper ("Time to die, Rostov"). It's an achievement in non-excitement. Just look at the movie poster and imagine Chuck doing insane things with that expression on his face all the way.

The plot of this film is pretty ridiculous as well. There's some plan by an unknown group of assorted bad guys who appear to be from all over the world. It's affirmative action bad guy group as there's Russians, Cubans, Middle Eastern guys, and probably some Madagascans in there as well. Sam believes that they are mercenaries from all over and are only in it for the money. We still aren't sure what "it" is that they are in for, but it appears to be just invading the suburbs of Florida. Maybe it's just for general terror but then, how do you pay the mercenaries?

As is tradition, with most Chuck Norris movies the fun lies in the action and Chuck delivering one-liners. Chuck has the power of plot convenience as he knows where the bad guys are about to cause their unique bad-guylery and springs into action from whatever location looks the most bad-ass. Sometimes he jumps on them from on top of 3 stories buildings or from his bitchin' 4x4. He also has unlimited ammo, of course.

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Prelude to Invasion USA

Prelude to Invasion USA

We set for this week's Stinker with Chuck Norris making his first appearance. Also more Netflix Do's and Don'ts and Stinker Theater.

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