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Gymkata

Gymkata
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USA Gold Medal magnet, Kurt Thomas, stars as John Cabot, a USA Gold Medal magnet/super secret agent/diplomat to strange lands. So he solo invades Parmistan, an absolutely insane country, to play "The Game" to get a satellite substation. Well that makes perfect sense!

Gymkata is serious shenanigans. It could be argued that it's the most bonkers movie we've reviewed and definitely the most poorly thought out. While most might focus on the unawesome martial art that combines gymnastics and karate (which puts it in the Streaming Do's and Don'ts realm) the country of Parmistan is our focus. Parmistan is impossible. It can't work. How does diplomacy work? Do they have foreign trade? Is their military only made of ninja or are they more like the secret police? Is there a system of government besides the Khan? I personally believe that someone, probably Pakistan, would have bombed Parmistan back into the Stone Age, but Parmistan never got out of the Stone Age so I guess bomb them back to the times of the dinosaurs (they may also have dinosaurs).

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Prelude to Gymkata

Prelude to Gymkata
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


This week on the podcast we gear up for one of the most notorious bad movies ever made and a hallmark of stupidity. When you need to invade a country that doesn't make any sense, send in an Olympic Gold Medalist!

The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

Immunity to negative drug side effects - 7.75 out of 10 stars

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Prelude to Tango & Cash

Prelude to Tango & Cash
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This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast, we tackle the classic "buddy" cop film from 1989 with Stallone and Russell in a weird incestuous love triangle, framed for murder, take down the vague bad guy, and enjoy some off-roading. It's Tango & Cash!

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

  • Being a Vulcan - 2.5/10 stars (Not good)

About Tango & Cash - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Who is the man that gets into all of the Hollywood hang down competitions? Kurt Russell, that’s who. This week he will be comparing his star penis, I mean power, to that of one Sylvester Stallone. Apparently the two got along just fine as there was probably no illusions as to Stallone being the big boss on the picture. The caveats of Stallone pictures of the time are all there, firing the DP before shooting, starting to re-write the script after shooting starts, having more than one person rewrite the script without communicating with one another. Firing the director after the project has gone over budget by almost double. I guess Kurt saw that things were well in hand and didn’t bother making any more interference, Stallone would later praise him for being a real pro, despite Russell being the fall back option to Patrick Swayze who ditched the production for Road House. By the time the dust would settle on the set, there would be 4 directors including Stallone, 5 if you count Stuart Baird who is known for directing pictures in post-production and is Hollywood’s most rebound editing doctor, and there would be enough deleted scenes to make another movie. What remains is comedy gold. The largest feud during production was between Stallone who wanted it to be a very dark and brooding crime film and producer John Peters who wanted it to be a campy spoof of the popular buddy cop sub-genre. When you then bring in Baird to stir that pot together independently, you only get two things; Tango & Cash.

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Prelude to 3000 Miles to Graceland

Prelude to 3000 Miles to Graceland
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Put on your sequin jumpsuit, grow out your side-burns, and fry up them bananas because we've got a movie this week that features too many Elvis' and so many Razzie nominations. It's Kevin Costner vs Kurt Russell in a no hold barred competition of who can suck more.

Casual Do's and Don'ts

The Wild Card - Who Would Win in a Knife Fight

  • Kevin Costner vs Kurt Russell

About 3000 Miles to Graceland (2001) - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

There is nowhere in the lower 48 states that is a distance of 3000 miles to Graceland. The furthest point from Graceland in the contiguous United States is the border to Canada in Washington State, north of Seattle. It is a little over 2500 miles from Graceland. Through rushed deduction and relatively unsound mathematics I have decided that the major city that would be closest aforementioned distance would be Calgary, known for it’s famous rodeo, not so much it’s Elvises.

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Order of the Black Eagle

Order of the Black Eagle
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Watch the Trailer!

I'm also going to link to the full movie on YouTube I just found but it may not be there for long: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4S6VBdM7yA

Duncan Jax and his faithful companion, Boon are back to take down a group of Nazis living in South America from accomplishing their dubious evil plans, mostly having a functioning laser and unfreezing their cryogenic leader, Ze Furor. Yes that one.

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Prelude to The Order of the Black Eagle

Prelude to The Order of the Black Eagle
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


Watch the Trailer!

I'm also going to link to the full movie on YouTube I just found but it may not be there for long: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4S6VBdM7yA

This week on the podcast Sam follows up the first Duncan Jax movie with what may or may not be the sequel to Unmasking the Idol. This time Duncan's going to take down a bunch of Nazis who happen to have a little special guest on their hands.

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Ninja III: The Domination

Ninja III: The Domination
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A deceased magical ninja with questionable motives possesses a telephone line working/aerobics instructor and gets her to revengify a bunch of cops who blew the ninja away (justifiably). Meanwhile, lasers, gymnastics, so much magic, and awful effects abound. Plus back hair and V8!

Ninja III may be the worst movie Cannon ever made. We're talking about Cannon here remember. This thing stinks so bad. The story is incredibly dumb/nonexistant, the action is completely ridiculous, the acting is awful, the shots are poorly staged, the effects are horrendous, dialogue is unbelievable and the complete lack of understanding life/people/reality is abundant. With that in mind, it adds up for so much fun. Wow, what a great bad movie.

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Firewalker

Firewalker
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Chuck Norris, Louis Gosset Jr, and Melody Anderson go on a wild ride through various adventures on the way to get treasure. Along the way the face alligators, sinking cars, rebels, gang-rape village, the Mexican Gestapo, their own visual appearance, and elaborate aboriginal death traps. Sounds ridiculous? It is indeed.

Firewalker is Golan and Globus' take on the very popular and quite good, Romancing the Stone. In fact, it's a veritable carbon copy of the film but with your typical Cannon Films ineptitude. It's writing is completely out of control stupid, the entire plot is irrelevant to itself, characters have strange motivations and are generally unneeded, the acting stinks, the cast possesses zero charm or chemistry, and the action sequences are written by children.

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Commando

Commando
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Our good movie friend Tucker (If We Made It Podcast) stops by to discuss one of the greatest/stupidest action movies of all time. Be prepared for ridiculous (hilarious) Arnold impressions.

Commando is so iconic and such a staple in "men with guns" movies that it's hard to avoid and impossible to dislike. It's level of over-the-top is unequaled that for the next 15 years in film, every action movie attempts to be Commando but none have come close. It's the model, but at the same time it's SOOOOO stupid.

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Prelude to Commando

Prelude to Commando
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To purge ourselves from the misery of last weeks movie we dowse ourselves in awesomeness and then light ourselves on fire (that was all figurative, in no way do we endorse lighting yourself on fire...unless you're a total tool, then go for it) and let Arnold take the show over it the quintessential action movie of the 1980s (maybe even ever) but still incredibly dumb, Commando.

Fall SMABFA Contenders

  • Ben-Hur - Uh, you know you screwed up here.
  • Nine Lives - Thanks for telling our kids they are stupid and will like anything. Their not and they hated this.
  • The Mechanic: Resurrection - Statham takes a shot at getting that Best Bad Movie title. Possible surprise one here.
  • Rings - So what? Sumara lives in Netflix now? Come on it worked (barely) with VHS but 20 years later is too much later....

The Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor

  • Joan Crawford - Mommie Dearest
  • The Waits Family - Troll 2
  • Mike Roark - Volcano
  • Harry Dalton - Dante's Peak

About Commando (1985) - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Mark L. Lester is making his second, but most likely not last visit, to Stinker Madness from the directors chair. His first film we covered was, of course, Showdown in Little Tokyo. This week's film Commando, is among his most popular, along side the cult classic Class of 1984 and the John Candy vehicle, Armed and Dangerous. Fortunately for us Lester is still turning out stinkers. His most recent effort is 2014's Dragons of Camelot, and it looks like a lot, of bull shit.

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Independence Day: Resurgence

Independence Day: Resurgence
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ID4:2 comes to a Bad Movie Field Trip on the show this week. Will it be stupid fun enough to get into that elusive Best Bad Movie category for the 2016 SMABFAs? Can it at least be better than that damn Jupiter Ascending?

Well the critics aren't happy. They call it bloated, lazy, and tedious. Well we have good things to say and bad things to say but these words do not come into the fray at all. 

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Deadliest Prey

Deadliest Prey
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Danton returns to do his thing and his thing is killing so many people in ridiculous ways. This time he gets kidnapped by Colonel Hogan for the sake of a "never hunt a man" competition, faces off against Thorton, receives an assist from an old military buddy, has his wife kidnapped by a sexretary and does a fist pump in the air. Sound familiar?

If you had told us that Deadliest Prey is just a remake of Deadly Prey without any of a new story we would have been deeply disappointed. It shouldn't work. But somehow Deadliest Prey does work. There's no better way they could have done it. It's so much fun and has so much fan service that works great that we absolutely loved it. 

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Prelude to Deadliest Prey

Prelude to Deadliest Prey
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Mike Danton is back on the show and we can't be excited enough. Deadliest Prey is the 28 years later sequel to Hall of Fame movie, Deadly Prey and we can't wait to see how David and Ted Prior follow up one of the greatest bad movies of all time.

Be sure to revisit our Deadly Prey episode and for god sakes, watch the movie.

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The Dead Pool

The Dead Pool
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


Dirty Harry finally becomes the worst cop in the history of cops when he decides asking questions or arresting people is boring; it's just better to shoot everyone in the face. Sprinkle in some karate, self-deprecating jokes, an unnecessary love interest, old-man grumble dialogue, a car/rc car/car chase, dubious action, and a plot that leaves the audience thinking it was invented by monkeys and you've got the recipe for a franchise killer. Goodbye, Dirty Harry.

The primary problem with The Dead Pool is the incapable hands behind the camera. The script is incredibly dumb, with a "surprise" twist that is blatantly obvious from the first scene in the movie. You're then stuck with a setup for the twist that you're already clued into for the next hour. You know that all the character actions are irrelevant to the actual story and it makes it painful to deal with. So you've got an audience bored with the movie, why not put in another plot as a vehicle for action? Seriously, when your main story doesn't have any call for action, don't add a subplot that is just there so that your protagonist can shoot people in the face. Terrible writing. 

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Prelude to The Dead Pool

Prelude to The Dead Pool
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


This week we put on our best "squinty stink-eye whisper-yelling shoot everyone in the face" faces and get ready for Clint Eastwood to make his first appearance on the show in the franchise-killing Dead Pool. Can Harry Calahan keep his gun in his pants for more than six lines of dialogue?

You're Wrong, Idiot!

Regarding Superman IV: The Quest for Peace 

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Deadbeat at Dawn

Deadbeat at Dawn
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


It took four years and many many punches, but the final product is a roller coaster of a stinker. Jim Van Bebber's gang-revenge film has one of the craziest final fights ever captured in film.

Along the way is a series of bonkers sequences that may or may not work for everyone but it's still a wild ride. The first 2/3 of the film is pretty slow, if we are honest. You have your typical "gang murdered my babe and now I gotta get me some revenge" plot but it seems there just wasn't enough material to have just that plot line. The film would have been about 30 minutes if it stuck to the plan. So there's alot of scenes that seem to be put in as time fillers. These time fillers setup the protagonist's (Goose) life and universe but they have very little to do with anything and can be a little tedious to get past.

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Prelude to Deadbeat at Dawn

Prelude to Deadbeat at Dawn
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


Its the final movie of our second year of podcasting and the last film eligible for our Year in Review episode. It's Jim Van Bebber pulling a Wiseau and killing his way to revenge and no amount of gang members are going to stand in his way. How much ass can he kick? Plenty.

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor - The Presidents

  • President Benson - Hotshots
  • President Dave - Dave
  • President Frankenstein - Deathrace 2000

About Deadbeat at Dawn - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

Goose is the leader of the Ravens… So wait, the Ravens are led by a Goose? What kind of motorcycle gang is this? Wouldn’t the Birds have members named Goose and Raven, not the Ravens with members Goose and Keith? If one was hoping the rival Spiders have better attention to details, one will not be rewarded. The Spiders are Danny and Bonecrusher. I think I got bit by a danny spider the other day, it could have been a bone crusher though…

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Point Break (2015)

Point Break (2015)
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


For years people have been requesting a remake of a really stupid and poorly thought out 90's movie with horrendous acting and too many "dude bros" and then make it much much stupider. Wait...no one asked for that? Then wait the hell is the point of Point Break (2015)?

The story of 2015's Point Break is truly one of the more poorly thought plots in recent memory. Johnny Utah must go undercover into some extreme guys again and to do it he must also do extreme stuff to build up their trust. There the plot similarity ends. The real dumb stuff is the motivation of Bodhi and his crew. They are going to save the Earth (environmentally, ie. "Mans progress is totally harshing my groove, bro" crap)...by doing 8 extreme sport/stunts. Yup. Save the Earth by jumping off stuff. Now one can argue that they are environmental terrorists who are going to stop corporations from damaging the Earth by extreme criminality but at no point would any of their stunts do that, one, in fact, damages the Earth more than the activity they are preventing and then halfway through the movie, they just give up on that completely and just do extreme sports so, as Bodhi puts it, "become one with the Earth". If only "becoming one with the Earth" meant splattering into the side of it at terminal velocity.

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Prelude to Biggles: Adventures in Time

Prelude to Biggles: Adventures in Time
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Brought to you by Timelonel, the best cure for time travel headaches and Ted Stevens, Time Gigolo

This week Sam brings in one of his favorite movies from his childhood called Biggles. It's a time travel movie that desired to combine Indiana Jones with Back to the Future. Sounds like a recipe for success to us!

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Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
Listen to the Stinker Madness Episode


When you take 70-bajillion characters with vague powers and zero characterization, toss in a very poorly cast James Remar who manages to act worse than Christopher Lambert, sprinkle with crappy, boring fight scenes with a side of the worst special effects ever, and then finish off with completely removing any bit of "Mortal Kombating" while still calling it Mortal Kombat, you've built a movie worthy of being called one of the worst movies of all time. Mortal Kombat: Annihiliation deserves to be in the IMDB Bottom 100, should have swept the Razzie awards and deserves to be mentioned alongside Birdemic and Manos: The Hands of Fate. It is a truly awful and painful film to view.

The story of the film truly isn't worth mentioning, mostly because it doesn't exist. The plot entails Shao Kahn (Bryan Thomspon) causing a "convergence" of all the realms so that he can't have power. We can't figure out what that power is or why smashing realms together causes that. So Raiden (James Remar) and team must stop Kahn and his cronies by using Katana as a key, Liu Kang defeating Kahn in a fight and Raiden becoming mortal. That's it. That's the entire plot. No other details are revealed.

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