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Volcano

Volcano
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Tommy and Anne face off against some hot magma ("What's Magma?") in the first of two 1997 volcano movies. This one features a lead character who should be fired and never hired for his job, a slew of disaster movie cliches (Dog never dies, anyone?) and Stan, the Man-Chucking Man in possibly the stupidest movie we've ever seen on this show.

Let's start off by declaring how incredibly dumb this movie is. Every single bit of "science" is telegraphed to the audience because "Hey! They're stupid!" such as the definition of tectonic activity, gravity and magma. The volcano has a mind of its own and has Tommy Lee Jones sense meaning if Tommy is coming its sneaky and hides from him. The government officials of LA have no clue how things should work and it seems Tommy's Roark is the mayor as everyone calls him or reports to him daily even before the eruption. The Chief of Police even calls to obligatorily yell at someone, even if its completely unrelated to Emergency Management of which Roark is the director of. I can in no way define how stupid this movie is because in order to define something you must possess some semblance of intelligence. That would be a slap in the face of this movies lack thereof.

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Prelude to Volcano

Prelude to Volcano
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Surprise! Volcano! Tommy Lee Jones comes in to ask what magma is and see if his volcano movie of 1997 can be the dumber of the year. We all know its stupid, but how stupid can it be?

Roman's Do's and Don'ts

  • Lust for Freedom (1987) - YouTube
  • Furious (1984) - IMDB
  • The Zero Boys (1986) - IMDB

Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

  • Electro-magnetic Telekinesis - 3.5 stars

About Volcano - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

As evidenced by the classic 1997 film Volcano, there are some disaster management professionals out there who do not know what magma is, I am then to infer that there are possibly people out there, disaster management professionals or otherwise, who don't know what volcanoes are. I will explain this phenomenon as unscientifically as possible; a volcano is a giant dirt cone that shoots fire sauce out the top, not the good kind of fire sauce either. You put this stuff on your taco and it becomes el taco de la muerte. 

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Prelude to Troll 2

Prelude to Troll 2
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Finally, we hit one of the most notorious bad movies of all time. At one point, Troll 2 was the #1 lowest rated movie on IMDB.com until people realized it's freaking awesome. Praised by many and loved by tons, it's a treasure of a film and we can't wait to dive into it.

Listener Feedback

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976-EVIL 2

976-EVIL 2
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Jim Wynorski makes his Stinker Madness debut with 1991's tale of a spooky phone hotline that gives you the confidence to mow on Bridgette Neilsen's box and gain super-powers so that you can stock a lady with a tall butt.

We're pretty confused on what this movie is about. Our best theory is that the dean of a community college has an obsession with his ex-office assistant. He's nuts and thinks that a 1-900 horoscope number will give him the powers to stalk her properly. So he somehow meets up with the proprietor of a spooky stuff supply store who if you give her cunnilingus you will be given the powers of Doctor Strange. Meanwhile, a guy who only has leather motorcycle gear to wear and who does not shower ever, thinks that the 1-900 number is somehow involved but they are just a red herring and are just a "phone company" with a really lame business model and a fairly bored CEO.

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Prelude to 976-EVIL 2

Prelude to 976-EVIL 2
ET vs Munchie
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Jim Wynorski makes his very first and long overdue appearance on the show with 1991's 976-Evil 2, a film so important that they wouldn't even bring Robert Englund to direct it. Will Jim continue his fine tradition and increase his presence in the Stinker Hall of Fame? Spoiler alert - totally.

We'd like to say thank you to our fans that recently wrote in by sharing some thoughts from them on the show. If you'd like to join us in the bad movie discussion, like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter or write to us to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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Starship Troopers

Starship Troopers
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Paul Verhoeven had a vision for a caricature of a Fascist future society and totally nails it in the guise of a silly space battle movie. Toss in a 3 way love story with incredibly strong and easy to care for characters, exceptional acting and you've got one of hell of a good movie.

Why then is this movie on Stinker Madness? Well because in 1997 the critics and Sam and Justin made a single mistake; they didn't get this movie. The world wasn't ready for Starship Troopers. We were expecting a film adaptation of the Robert Heinlein science fiction novel of the same title. We weren't expecting a high school football game with backflips. We weren't expecting children smashing beetles and mothers laughing maniacally at it. We weren't expecting Robocop and Total Recall with a serious story and moral statement. So it was panned by critics. Thus making it a "bad movie". But it truly is a masterpiece in pop culture.

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Prelude to Starship Troopers

Prelude to Starship Troopers
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With this episode of the famed Stinker Madness Podcast we prepare for 1997's Starship Troopers from master of stuff, Paul Verhoeven. Despite having a solid IMDB user rating, the critics panned it. Does Johnny Rico get better with age? Can Denise Richards be more than just walking boobs? IS the only good bug a dead bug?

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

Pop Quiz, Hot Shot? - How do they do drugs in film?

  • Sniffing cocaine - powdered lactose
  • Heroin cooking - sugar & baking soda
  • Smoking weed - Wizard Weed - weed with no THC. Same things cops use when they go undercover.
  • Crack rocks - Rock candy OR glue and baking soda
  • Needle injections - prosthetic arms, trick needles, OR for budget movies - stunt guy just frickin' does it.

The Great Superpower Debate

  • Face freezing power - 2.5/10

About Starship Troopers - Movie Information

Sam's Boring Bullshit

My confused relationship with this film begins in 1997 when I saw it at the theater. It was as any of my confused relationships have gone. I take a girl out to tacos and then afterwards there is that “should I ask her to ice cream even though I am not that into her” moment. I don’t ask and two years later I find out she was allergic to tacos and she just wanted to tug me off in her Camaro. That is when I realize, holy shit, I didn’t get what was going on there, I would have totally got my wiener pulled in the back of an American classic, alas that ship had sailed and the tug boat headed down the stream to tow a different load into the bay of soiled upholstery. That is about what happened with me and this movie. When it came out I thought it was okay but kind of weird, totally didn’t get it. I read the novel about 5 months after seeing the film and would, for the next five years or so, hold Starship Troopers as the gold standard for how to fuck up a novel.

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Point Break (1991)

Point Break (1991)
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For 25 years, people have been celebrating a film about a FBI guy spending 3/4 of the movie trying to get fired and perhaps sent to prison, while steadily falling in love with a dude brah. Since its release apparently no one has watched it because this crap stinks and not in good ways.

I'm sorry to say everyone but this movie just isn't very good NOR is it very bad. It is as middle of the road and completely unremarkable as any movie has ever existed. What? It's not very good? 

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Prelude to Point Break (1991)

Prelude to Point Break (1991)
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Johnny Utah finally graces our presence in Kathryn Bigelow's second appearance on the show. Can it POSSIBLY be a good movie? Can it be a bad movie that everyone thinks is good? Or is it just the same as her Near Dark and just meh? Least Busey is in it.

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

  • Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life - Netflix (No longer available)
  • The Thaw - Amazon Prime
  • The Brain that Wouldn't Die - (with MST3K) - YouTube
  • Darkman - Netflix

The Great Superpower Debate

Telekinesis limited to 8 ft range and 40 lbs. - 6.5 stars

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Prelude to Galgameth

Prelude to Galgameth
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It may be called Galgameth or it might be called The Adventures of Galgameth or it might be called The Legend of Galgameth; who's to say? Either way, it's the start of our "Monster Bud" 3 episode series. It involves a fantasy tale about a boy who gets a dragon who grows by eating metal. So we'll see how that works out.

Sorry about the awful audio quality. Our new mixer is total crap.

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The Fantastic Four

The Fantastic Four
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Before the flop of 2015, before the two turds in the early 2000s, there was 1994's The Fantastic Four. It's a film that was never meant to be viewed by the eyes of man but we are super happy that we can. We are joined by special guest, bad movie blogger and friend of the show, Brad Slager (@MartiniShark) who knows and loves this movie. Check out Brad's write up on FF at http://www.lifezette.com/popzette/the-first-fantastic-dud/.

While this film was meant to end up in the trashcan and only made in order to keep the film rights to The Fantastic Four (see also 2015), there is such a level of effort that is clear when watching this movie. All the actors are giving it their all. There's a real sense that the people involved really believed in this project rather than it just being a doomed project. Its a classic example of the Internet's definition of a good-bad movie of wanting to make a good movie and ending up with a really bad one.

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Midnight Ride

Midnight Ride
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Mark Hamill kidnaps a lady so that he can have his doctor zap her brains but first he must give slip to the husband, one Michael Dudikoff. It's a thriller/action/slasher movie where Hamill shows he's nuts, Dudikoff gives us his "whoa-face", we learn who Tommy Wiseau's mother is and Robert Mitchum is on set for about 2 hours!

This movie is pretty ridiculous. It never stops moving with absurdity. From Dudikoff getting strapped to the hood of a car in an elaborate death method to the explosion of a family in a station wagon to endless fog to the bad "Xtreme Sports" music choice. It's bat shit. 

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Prelude to Midnight Ride

Prelude to Midnight Ride
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We start this episode with a letter from Justin to Mark Hamill in the hopes he will become his best friend and replace Sam and Jackie on the podcast. We have yet to hear back.

We gear up for a fan pick from our Facebook fan:

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Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
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When you take 70-bajillion characters with vague powers and zero characterization, toss in a very poorly cast James Remar who manages to act worse than Christopher Lambert, sprinkle with crappy, boring fight scenes with a side of the worst special effects ever, and then finish off with completely removing any bit of "Mortal Kombating" while still calling it Mortal Kombat, you've built a movie worthy of being called one of the worst movies of all time. Mortal Kombat: Annihiliation deserves to be in the IMDB Bottom 100, should have swept the Razzie awards and deserves to be mentioned alongside Birdemic and Manos: The Hands of Fate. It is a truly awful and painful film to view.

The story of the film truly isn't worth mentioning, mostly because it doesn't exist. The plot entails Shao Kahn (Bryan Thomspon) causing a "convergence" of all the realms so that he can't have power. We can't figure out what that power is or why smashing realms together causes that. So Raiden (James Remar) and team must stop Kahn and his cronies by using Katana as a key, Liu Kang defeating Kahn in a fight and Raiden becoming mortal. That's it. That's the entire plot. No other details are revealed.

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Prelude to Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

Prelude to Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
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We open the episode with Sportcenter's coverage of the Mortal Kombat association vs. the Mortal Kombat Players Association legal battle over injuries in the sport.

We get ready to experience the "watchable crap" called Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, the sequel to the massively successful Mortal Kombat (1995). Is there a chance that it could possibly be not a giant turd and as much fun as the first one? Odds are not good with it's 11 Metacritic score.

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Ed

Ed
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Ed is the masterfully crafted story of a farmer turned worlds best pitcher ever with the help of a hilarious baseball-playing chimpanzee all while discovering the magic of baseball and the magic of children. Or it could be a film about the demonstration making a movie without knowing how baseball and/or animals work with the magic of baseball and the magic of children. You decide!

Ed stinks. We know that it is a children's movie. Fine. As far as children movies go, this one is insulting to children. For children to like this film, they must be stupid. That's the message that this film delivers, "It's ok that we don't think very hard about this one; children are stupid and will like anything." Except children aren't stupid. They know things about the world including how baseball works or how observable physics work. It's insulting. It's also fairly racist.

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Prelude to Ed

Prelude to Ed
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Brought to you by TRASH. The new channel featuring animals playing sports. Order TRASH today!

Matt LeBlanc graces our TV in the 1996 mega-stinker Ed. Its about a movie of a man in a monkey suit playing baseball! Plus there's a chimpanzee who plays baseball! (Our apologies to Matt LeBlanc, that joke is just way to easy to make)

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Johnny Mnemonic

Johnny Mnemonic
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It's a cyberpunk trip through the Internet with Keanu Reeves as he portrays Johnny Mnemonic, a hard-drive installed brain courier guy who has to deliver the cure for Chronic Internetitis Addiction to a group of resistance fighters trying to free our minds from evil corporate influence.....or something?

Wow, 1995 really had no clue how the Internet worked. Yes, this is one of those "lets go into the Internet....with our minds" movies. They didn't get it right. I, however, don't want to spend too much time on how wrong they got with the Internet. I will say that it is the worst onscreen representation of the Internet in film.

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Prelude to Johnny Mnemonic

Prelude to Johnny Mnemonic
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Brought to you by Johnny Pneumatic. Keanu Reeves and Rosmand Pike gets trapped in an annoying steampunk world and gets his armed replaced with a drill (just go with it).

Its time for us to finally see what the Internet looks like from the inside with 1995's Johnny Mnemonic, starring Keanu Reeves and Dina Meyer, with fun appearances of Dolph Lundgren, Henry Rollins, Udo Kier and Ice-T doesn't screw it up!

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Stone Cold

Stone Cold
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Brian Bosworth stars this week as Joe Huff/John Stone/All Awesome in Stone Cold with William Forsythe and Lance Henriksen. Its the tale of one tough cop that goes undercover to accomplish absolutely nothing in preventing a biker gang destroying the entire government of Mississippi. Mullets, earrings, giant lizards, exploding choppers, and a ridiculously high body count makes up for one fun ride.

The very funny Ryan Fortier from the "Writing Through Vet School" blog joins us this week to help us make sense of this movie. Ryan is the author of "Paranoia" (available for $2.99) and one of the funniest bad movie reviewers. You can follow Ryan at https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/ and read his bad movie reviews at https://quietthinker1.wordpress.com/category/bad-movies-2/.

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