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The Dead Pool

The Dead Pool
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Dirty Harry finally becomes the worst cop in the history of cops when he decides asking questions or arresting people is boring; it's just better to shoot everyone in the face. Sprinkle in some karate, self-deprecating jokes, an unnecessary love interest, old-man grumble dialogue, a car/rc car/car chase, dubious action, and a plot that leaves the audience thinking it was invented by monkeys and you've got the recipe for a franchise killer. Goodbye, Dirty Harry.

The primary problem with The Dead Pool is the incapable hands behind the camera. The script is incredibly dumb, with a "surprise" twist that is blatantly obvious from the first scene in the movie. You're then stuck with a setup for the twist that you're already clued into for the next hour. You know that all the character actions are irrelevant to the actual story and it makes it painful to deal with. So you've got an audience bored with the movie, why not put in another plot as a vehicle for action? Seriously, when your main story doesn't have any call for action, don't add a subplot that is just there so that your protagonist can shoot people in the face. Terrible writing. 

Next there's the horrible directing. The movie starts with some horrible stock shots of San Fran with post-production slow motion. Slo-mo is bad enough but slowing down stock shots? What? Team that up with some of the worst crappy cop music that sounds like euro-pop and you've got a pretty bad start for the audience. 

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Prelude to The Dead Pool

Prelude to The Dead Pool
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This week we put on our best "squinty stink-eye whisper-yelling shoot everyone in the face" faces and get ready for Clint Eastwood to make his first appearance on the show in the franchise-killing Dead Pool. Can Harry Calahan keep his gun in his pants for more than six lines of dialogue?

You're Wrong, Idiot!

Regarding Superman IV: The Quest for Peace 

Whether the Fortress of Solitude scene happens in Clark's mind - Justin, You're Wrong, Idiot!Whether the pile of cash on Lex's desk is more than $1,000,000 - Justin, You're Wrong, Idiot!Whether the film made money - Sam, You're Wrong, Idiot!The Great Superpower Debate

Benjamin Button Bones - Bones get stronger with age - 4/10

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Supergirl

Supergirl
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Part 2 of our 3 Superhero Movie Festival just so happens to be our 200th podcast episode! Congratulations to us! Sadly the movie, Supergirl, does not contain any of the fanfare that revolves around our momentous milestone. It's just one of the most boring, uneventful films ever made.

There are so many problems with Supergirl. The first and foremost is that absolutely nothing happens of interest. It's truly unwatchable in the level of bore. Make something happen guys...anything.

Secondly, it breaks its own rules constantly. First is the entire franchise. Superman's home of Krypton got exploded and he was the only survivor right? Well Supergirl is his cousin, which is fine. But the total lack of exposition about how she exists is troubling. She and a group of others who may or may not be Kryptonian live in the bottom of a lake in Minnesota (in micro-size, none the less). So did they get there before Krypton exploded? They've been on Earth this whole time? Shouldn't they have the powers of the yellow sun as well? Who are these people?

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Prelude to Supergirl

Prelude to Supergirl
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In part 2 of our Superhero fest, we follow Superman IV with another flop from the Supes franchise, 1984's Supergirl, starring Helen Slater of The Legend of Billie Jean fame. How offensive will Jackie's third 1980's teen girl movie be? Can it stand up to the horrible morals established in Teen Witch? Will it have as much creepy sexual misguidance as Tomboy? We're two for two in this genre so hopefully Supergirl will uphold the tradition.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsWolf - StarzChain Reaction - StarzCool World - StarzWild Card - The Superhero Poop BattleBatman vs The JokerThe Joker vs Lex LuthorThor vs Lex LuthorAbout Supergirl - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

As mentioned in last week’s SBBS, or as I refer to it in private; the astute observations of a handsome genius, this was the final cannonball that sunk the dubious Salkind Superman franchise. After the dreadful Superman 3 the Salkinds felt they could revive the series by doing a spinoff with Supergirl. At this point Richard Lester has once again had it with the Salkinds. The directorial search ended with French director Jeannot Szwarc, a veteran of American Television. He had previously directed Christopher Reeves in Somewhere in Time. His Hollywood commercial viability was dropping as the aforementioned Somewhere in Time had under-performed and his follow up, Enigma with Martin Sheen was a full flop. The Salkinds, who were probably out of options, took him on the recommendation of Reeves, who would subsequently bail on his cameo in this film. The script was provided by David O’Dell who, with his next film would provide Stinker Madness with it’s first episode: Masters of the Universe. Odell also wrote the script for the visual masterpiece, The Dark Crystal. Those who have paid close attention to the dialogue and the story of The Dark Crystal have determined that it makes as much sense as a screen door on a submarine. Money was apparently no object as Dolly Parton would turn down 7 million to play the witch. The opening credits reportedly cost $1 million.

As to the troubled nature of this film, it remains the only DC movie not released by Warner, ever. Warner finished the movie but opted to scrap it, Tristar would offer them enough to distribute the movie. One of Tristar’s strategies on recouping the initial investment on purchasing the distribution rights was to go direct to video in markets outside the US. At one point a container that was only labeled “do not use” was found in the vault of Pinewood Studios.  Inside that container was the director’s cut of Supergirl, with a total running time of 138 minutes. There was reportedly an hour cut from the “do not use” version. Oddly the “do not use” version would be one of the more successful versions as Anchor Bay did a limited edition of 50,000 copies which apparently sold.

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Superman IV: The Quest for Peace

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
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Its time for another great threepeat of similarly themed crappy movies and in honor of Cap Vs Iron Man we are going to delve into some of the less talked about but maybe even worse superhero movies that have graced the silver screen and then tripped upon entrance. You'll thrill at Superman IV's ineptness! You'll gasp at the offensiveness of Supergirl! You'll wonder at the banana business that is Punisher: War Zone! Join us for this excellent showcase of flops in the worlds of DC and Marvel.

Superman takes on Lex Luthor's crappy cro-magnon clone of the Man of Steel while adding the power of the sun. So he's made of the thing that gives Supes his power on Earth? Bad design, Lex. Oh also, Superman owns a net specifically made to store nuclear missiles. Did he buy that?

Wow, this film...wow. What a train wreck. Superman IV is very easily one of the worst executed films of all time. The writing is awful, the action is awful, the acting is awful, the set design, costumes, sound, editing and even the film credits are awful. At no point in the production process did anyone stop and say, "Guys, this is not it! Start over!" Its preposterous!

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Justin
Hey Adam. Thanks for joining the show and the quality catch. Get ready to catch a bunch more.
Sunday, 22 May 2016 02:27
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Prelude to Superman IV: The Quest for Peace

Prelude to Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
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Its time for another great threepeat of similarly themed crappy movies and in honor of Cap Vs Iron Man we are going to delve into some of the less talked about but maybe even worse superhero movies that have graced the silver screen and then tripped upon entrance. You'll thrill at Superman IV's ineptness! You'll gasp at the offensiveness of Supergirl! You'll wonder at the banana business that is Punisher: War Zone! Join us for this excellent showcase of flops in the worlds of DC and Marvel.

This week we prepare to enter the world of the 4 Christopher Reeves' Superman experience with the fourth and final of them. Superman faces off against Nuclear Man and the world's problem with too many damn nukes! We start the episode with Arch-Maker.com, the only speed dating experience for hero's and villain's trying to find the perfect nemesis match.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsSmokey and the Bandit II - StarzThe Saint - NetflixDemons - Shudder.tvWild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

Static Electricity Sponge Person - 4/10 stars

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She

She
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Sandahl Bergman and a couple of nut-sacks take us on an Odyssey through one bonkers town to the next in a post-apocalyptic/swords and sandals mashup. We welcome our very special guest, Toren Atkinson of The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets and the Caustic Soda Podcast, to help us attempt to make sense of 1982's She.

We want to say a huge thank you to the very funny, Toren Atkinson. We've all been huge fans of the Caustic Soda Podcast and are happy to have our second of the three hosts on our show. Don't hesitate to go back and listen to our hilarious American Ninja episode with Joe Fulgham for more Caustic Soda business. Toren is also the front-man of the "Chuthulu" rock band, The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets. TDotHT is recording and new album and Toren was kind enough to let us include one of the most badass of tracks, "Nyarlathotep". 

For more on Toren, Caustic Soda, and The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets, please please please visit:

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Prelude to She

Prelude to She
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This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast we get ready for the 1982 Sandahl Bergman "post-apocalyptic" Oddysey, She. Be sure to join us on the main episode when special guest, Toren Atkinson, from The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets and the Caustic Soda podcast joins us to try and make heads or tails of She.

We open the episode with the most pronouny game show of all time, "Who did that? We did!"

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe Cave - StarzRunning Scared - NetflixLeprechaun 4: In Space - StarzThe Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

The ability to rewind time by 30 seconds - See Life is Strange video game - 7.5 out of 10

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Purple Rain

Purple Rain
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Last weekend, millions of Prince fans watched the 1984 music film, Purple Rain, in honor of his Royal Highness, the Purple One. The 3 hosts of Stinker Madness joined in and celebrated the incredible talent and brilliance of Prince Rogers Nelson. The world won't be the same without him.

Purple Rain is not a musical, let's just get that out of the way. The songs take place within the world as part of concert performances, NOT the characters singing the narrative of the film. As such, this film becomes one of those hard ones to classify that may end up being in the same genre as Ray, Walk the Line, That Thing You Do and even Metallica's Through the Never, which barely contains any narrative at all. While Purple Rain is one of the finest examples of this genre there is, we will not be judging it against those particular types of movies, but movies as a whole. 

There's some problems with Purple Rain. The story is conflicting with itself for one. The Kid (Prince) and his band Revolution as supposed to be causing the owner of the nightclub grief, because Kid only plays songs that he likes and isn't pulling in much of a crowd. The problem there is that you can't say such a thing and then start the film with a phenomenal performance of "Let's Go Crazy" that would make the entire town of Minneapolis go ape-shit over. Any manager/bar owner would have seen that and said, "You know what, these guys are headlining this place for as long as I can keep them; which probably won't be for long." There's no conflict with the band that makes any sense; they are clearly the most incredible thing this place will ever see from the start.

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Prelude to Purple Rain

Prelude to Purple Rain
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Yesterday, the Artist Foreverly Known as Prince left us here on Earth with our dicks in our hands saying, "Well that's it. If Prince can die then there is no hope of me living forever." And now, as tears subside, we celebrate the musical genius by honoring his work in 1984's Purple Rain. Wow, what an honor.

Trigger Alert! Trigger Alert!

We start the episode with an intro that some Western religious folk may find offensive. If you offend easily to the impression of God and Heaven then you may want to skip this one. What? It's not like we drew a picture of Moha- (the writer of Stinker Madness has been sacked).

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Tomboy

Tomboy
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Betsy Russell cranks up the charm while the movie's everything else sets women's equality back 20 years. It's possibly the most offensive to women (and anyone with a brain) movie to come out of the 80s packaged as a rom-com. Enjoy this movie, but in no way practice anything from it in real life.

We'll start with Betsy Russell, the star (Tommy Boyd). She's quite cute. She's quite charming. She's got a huge rack. But her hair stinks. She suffers from a case of Adrienne Barbeau head. Yes it was the 80's and yes perms were the norm but in "these modern times" perms look ridiculous and only belong on people that work the counter at your local golf course. With that caveat, we'd love it if we could find more stinkers with her in them. She's got IT!

The rest of this movie is a series of bad and offensive ideas where people behind the camera had no concept of reality nor how to treat women properly. The lead beau is an EPIC douche/rapist. In one scene he punches Tommy in the mouth and then while "unconscious" he begins the process of rape. Then she falls in love with him. This guy just punched you in the face and was going to sexually assault you! Don't fall in love with him! Call the cops!

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Prelude to Tomboy

Prelude to Tomboy
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This week on the Stinker Madness Podcast, Jackie chooses a classic 80's sexy-time "girls can do it too" cheese fest starring Betsy Russell as Tommy. Thus begins our third year in "bad" movie podcasting. Gear up!

In this episode we've got a trailer for "Nancy Dan" a mashup of the trailer for Tomboy and Carol. What? Plus....

Streaming Do's and Don'tsBail Out - Amazon PrimePoltergeist III - StarzBehind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon - ShudderThe Wild Card - Who wins in a knife fight?

The Class of Nuke'm High VS Rock n' Roll High School

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Deadbeat at Dawn

Deadbeat at Dawn
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It took four years and many many punches, but the final product is a roller coaster of a stinker. Jim Van Bebber's gang-revenge film has one of the craziest final fights ever captured in film.

Along the way is a series of bonkers sequences that may or may not work for everyone but it's still a wild ride. The first 2/3 of the film is pretty slow, if we are honest. You have your typical "gang murdered my babe and now I gotta get me some revenge" plot but it seems there just wasn't enough material to have just that plot line. The film would have been about 30 minutes if it stuck to the plan. So there's alot of scenes that seem to be put in as time fillers. These time fillers setup the protagonist's (Goose) life and universe but they have very little to do with anything and can be a little tedious to get past.

Once the movie hits the gas pedal though, watch out! The last 1/3 of the film is some seriously ridiculous action. Goose's handling of the attacks on him and his subsequent attacking of the gang members rivals Danton (Deadly Prey). He kicks some serious ass. He dispatches about 30 guys in less than 20 minutes. He's offing guys at a rate of 1.5 per minute. It's awesome. 

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Prelude to Deadbeat at Dawn

Prelude to Deadbeat at Dawn
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Its the final movie of our second year of podcasting and the last film eligible for our Year in Review episode. It's Jim Van Bebber pulling a Wiseau and killing his way to revenge and no amount of gang members are going to stand in his way. How much ass can he kick? Plenty.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsStar Knight - YouTubeCannibal! The Musical - HuluWildcard - Amazon Prime VideoGood Neighbor, Bad Neighbor - The PresidentsPresident Benson - HotshotsPresident Dave - DavePresident Frankenstein - Deathrace 2000About Deadbeat at Dawn - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Goose is the leader of the Ravens… So wait, the Ravens are led by a Goose? What kind of motorcycle gang is this? Wouldn’t the Birds have members named Goose and Raven, not the Ravens with members Goose and Keith? If one was hoping the rival Spiders have better attention to details, one will not be rewarded. The Spiders are Danny and Bonecrusher. I think I got bit by a danny spider the other day, it could have been a bone crusher though…

Jim Van Bebber is the Producer, Director, Writer and Star of Deadbeat at Dawn. After winning a scholarship with his epic 8mm kung fu film Into the Black, Van Bebber attended the school of cinema at Write State University, for one year. He spent the money he was supposed to spend on his second year, including a loan, making Deadbeat at Dawn. I am glad he did, his parents probably aren’t. 

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Street Trash

Street Trash
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A fairly accurate look into the life and mind of the bum that captures the essence of the transient; 100% crazy. Take a bunch of homeless people and then stuff them full of the worst alcohol ever created and watch them melt. Plus many not safe for children topics including penis keep-away...wait what?

Street Trash really isn't for everyone. On many levels, it is almost too morally offensive. There's several sequences that are almost too uncomfortable. These bums are horrible, horrible people. They truly care about nothing but themselves and have as little regard for human life as Dr. Josef Mengele. Enter at your own risk and do not bring a date to a viewing of Street Trash.

If you can not only suspend your disbelief but also suspend your revulsion of disgusting people, there's alot of good stuff here. Spoiler Alert - This movie is "about" melting bums. There's a batch of hard alcohol called Viper that when consumed turns your insides-out and makes your guts turn into spectacular colored paint. Very interesting. Melting bums are the least gross thing in this film. That's how awful the actions of these bums are.

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Prelude to Street Trash

Prelude to Street Trash
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This week Sam brings in an seriously oddball in Street Trash, the tale of many, many, many insane bums that like to do horrible things to others.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsProphecy II - NetflixThe Crippled Avengers - NetflixBest of the Best 4 - NetflixThe Great Superpower DebateSelf-Replication w/many caveats - 6 starsAbout Street Trash - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

The year is 1986. Fresh off his first job as a Steadicam operator on the film Spookies, James Michael Muro, then 21 years of age would embark on expanding his short film into a feature. What would follow is the 1987 film Street Trash. Street Trash opens with a series of Steadicam shots and then quickly darts into the realm of nonsense. I was unable to find if the original short film was written by Roy Fumkes but the feature length work seems to understand the psyche of the bum completely, while not understanding genre or storytelling at any level. This film is labeled a horror, specifically a body horror.  Now there are other films that ride the body horror angle without really being a horror, some of Cronenberg's work, none to this extent. If I had to pick a genre for this film it would be adventure. Though the misadventures of bums is not really an adventure, nor is never leaving a 3 block radius.  Bumventure is not a subgenre of film, if it was this would be more of a bum-venture than a body horror. In some defense of it's classification the film is very goopy and considered by most fans of the melt movies to be a melt-erpiece.   

Muro would go on to be an industry preferred Steadicam operator, Cameron has used him since The Abyss. He was probably too proficient an operator for his own good. His 67 credits at that position are from the obscure to the academy award winning, see Maniac Cop or LA Confidential. It wasn't until recently that he found his way back into the director’s chair, most recently the series Longmire.

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Q: The Winged Serpent

Q: The Winged Serpent
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That ol' nasty Aztec cult living in NYC rears its ugly head again and resurrects a giant flying hotdog-turtle that eats bikini ladies. Meanwhile, a low level criminal butthole douchebag treats his girlfriend poorly and then takes a couple of barely working cops on an egg chase.

Believe it or not, this film shouldn't be called "Q", unless "Q" stand for "Quinn" because this film is not about a flying dinosaur(?) worshipped by an Aztec cult. It's truly about Jimmy Quinn, a low level criminal that doesn't understand how to do his job and his quest for fame and fortune, set to the background of a giant flying serpent attacking NYC. Here's a simple test to verify this: Tell us what the story of Q is in this film and then tell us what the story of Jimmy Quinn is in this film. You have a beginning, middle and end to Quinn; you understand his motivations, his relationships and his desires. Quinn is the main story.

What is the motivation of Q? Is he hungry? No, he doesn't really eat anyone. Is it just pissed? Maybe, but he should be stoked because he's got people sacrificing to him? Is it protecting its child? No, he's flying all over the place and not by the "nest". Is Q even intelligent? 

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Prelude to Q

Prelude to Q
q-the-winged-serpent-movie-poster-1983-1020195479-1117
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This week its time for a definite must see stinker in Q: The Winged Serpent, starring Michael Moriarty, David Carradine, and Richard Roundtree. Sam and Justin have already proclaimed this as making both their Top 10 Year in Review films so you don't want to miss this one.

Streaming Dos and Dont's

Make sure to pick this 50 movie set Sci-Fi Invasion at Walmart. There's a ton of great bad movies on it and we highly recommend it.

Hands of Steel - YoutubeTop Line - YoutubeUnfriended - HBO NowThe Great Super Power Debate

Never requiring sleep or rest - 4.5 out of 10

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Prelude to American Ninja

Prelude to American Ninja
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Well, who didn't see this one making it to the program? It's 1). Michael J. Dudikoff 2). Cannon Films and 3). Ninja baloney that doesn't require any working knowledge of ninjas, just that they are sweet. 

We've got a VERY special guest for the American Ninja main episode, Joe Fulgham from the Caustic Soda Podcast. You don't want to miss this one.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsEverly - NetflixTurbo Kid - NetflixThe Great Superpower Debate

The power to freeze time within spheres around you - 1 out of 10 - The worst superpower ever!

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Turkey Shoot

Turkey Shoot
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The deadliest game comes to Stinker Madness once again in the form of Ozploitation with 1982's Turkey Shoot. Brian Trenchard-Smith delivers a classic stinker with some seriously insane sequences and a hell of lot of fun.

Turkey Shoot has a reputation for being pretty hardcore with heavy exploitative tones and excessive gore. We're not really seeing it. This is a fairly tame movie (in relative terms) to other "exploitation" films (see Cannibal Ferox, Mad Foxes, Killer Elephants et al.) So no one should go into this one thinking they are gonna get really offended or grossed out.

There is a ton of great performances and memorable characters. The cast is great with especially epic jobs from Roger Ward, Carmen Duncan and Steve Railsback. Olivia Hussey does a pretty good job of playing an innocent virginal character that makes no sense. She however does NOT do a good job of shooting a .50 cal.

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