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Prelude to American Kickboxer 2

Prelude to American Kickboxer 2
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Presented by We're No Cupcakes, Cupcakes. Two tough guys are forced to take over a bakery and not kill each other or the customers.

Sam brings in a dozy this week, when two tough guys have to team up and do assorted martial arts to free a young girl from a kidnapping ring. American Kickboxer 2 stars Dale Cook, Evan Lurie, Kathy Showers and Tackleberry. Our main question for this film will be: Is there any actual kickboxing in it?

Streaming Do's and Don'ts

Unfortunately we have no movies this week but we do think you should check this out. It's a new free movie streaming service, much like Crackle and with a solid lineup of good bad movies. It's called Tubitv and here are some highlights:

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The Wraith

The Wraith
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Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid and Nick Cassavetes do battle with making sense as The Wraith and vengeance storm Arizona.

This movie is sweet. It's a real brainbuster as to why this isn't a more widely known film. If you were born as a male from 1975-1985 and you had seen this film at about the age of 11, it would have easily been your favorite film. Its got everything you could want: sweet cars, racing, cool guys, explosions, boobs, and a sprinkling of some magic baloney. We can only figure that because there's 4 sets of boobs in it that most parents wouldn't let their children see it. Well guess what, now we're all adults and this movie should be a big deal. If you haven't seen this, stop what you're doing and go watch it. It's for you.

Chaz plays Jake Kesey or The Wraith (or is the Dodge M4S The Wraith?) who is, as near as we can tell, a ghost of vengeance that is from the future. He could also be a reborn star (the cosmos kind) who has formed itself into a handsome charming guy. Either way, he's a dead guy who comes back to get vengeance on the gang of nutsacks who murdered him (three times) and stole his babe (Sherilyn Fenn). 

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Prelude to The Wraith

Prelude to The Wraith

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Presented by Barret Jaxson and the Dodge M4S. Charlie Sheen makes a special appearance to tell us all about it.

Its finally time to review the most awesome concept car movie of all time, 1986's The Wraith. This film stars Charlie Sheen, Sherilyn Fenn, Randy Quaid, Clint Howard, Nick Cassavettes and the Dodge M4S. Sweeeeeeet! Vengeance always demands a K-Car. Thanks Lee Iaccoca!

You'll want to be sure to check this movie out. It's very under-appreciated and seldom discussed, but it can't be missed!

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Megaforce

Megaforce
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We complete Carl's Inaction in Action trilogy with one of the most ridiculous movies ever made. The leaders of the world have confirmed the existence of Megaforce. They are then hired by a crusty old man to blow up his helicopter.

We all feel that Megaforce is absolutely necessary if you love bad movies. Sam has it in his Hall of Fame. It's required viewing. If you haven't seen this please take 99 minutes and watch this on YouTube. Its a great time and the laughs never stop coming.

One of the greatest debates of all time is what does Megaforce actually do? What do they accomplish? What is this movie about? What happens? There are as many theories to the answers of these questions as there are about the meaning of life.

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Prelude to Megaforce

Prelude to Megaforce
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Brought to you by MegaB.U.T.T. - the elite force that takes over saving the world when Megaforce is just too busy doing nothing.

It's time to complete Karl's Inaction in Action trilogy with the tour de force that is Megaforce. Barry Bostwick and team must do........something? Sadly, there is no Streaming Do's and Don'ts but instead we've got some great tools to use to watch and record online movies free and legally.

Playon Playlater - The first online DVR, record movies directly from Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, YouTube, and many many more. Cost is $19.99/year. Check them out at http://www.playon.tv/playlater

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Xanadu

Xanadu
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We dare to tackle 1980's danceical/musical/drama/romance/comedy/disaster that is Xanadu. We all know the story. Its that old tale of an artist that has no talent or motivation or confidence meets a magical roller skating deity that gives him the ability to meet a guy who has all the money and to woo him into investing several millions of dollars into building a roller-skating club/disco. You know that old tale.

Lets get straight to the mustard. This movie stinks. Its one of the worst ideas ever created. Let's take a the above idea, write a script that is 3 pages long, take a current hot "talent" who is mediocre at singing, dancing, and acting, intentionally put in bad special effects and throw in Gene Kelly just so you can feel bad for him. Xanadu is not so much a train wreck and more of a genocide of puppies. You really want to take your eyes off it.

Olivia Newton John is the centerpiece of this film in an eerily similar way as Babs was in A Star is Born. She is continually on camera as if the entire movie is just one big music video to prove to you all how wonderful she is. Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she???? No. She's at no point good or bad. She's just mediocre at everything. She's just an ok singer, she's just an ok dancer and she's just an ok actor but she's so crammed into your face during this thing that you wonder who saw what in this concept.

The plot is dumb (the main guy is a wanker that has no abilities or skills and no work ethic (like going to work at all), yet a rich, experienced, professional, classy guy is willing to make him a 50/50 partner in remodeling a nightclub that would cost millions in investment. Oh yeah, they are Eskimo Brothers (look it up) through one mystical transparent girl who is the daughter of Zeus (credited as Male Heavenly Voice). Icky.

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Prelude to Xanadu

Prelude to Xanadu
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Brought to you by Foot Wheels, the latest and greatest! It so simple it just might work. 

In 1980, Mt. St. Helens erupted, John Lennon was killed, Zep broke up, the hostages were still in Iran, the worst disaster in British aviation happened and then there was the crap on wheels that is Xanadu.

Jackie picks one of the all time well known worst musicals of all time, 1980's Xanadu. Its part of the pantheon of terrible roller skating movies with Skatetown USA, Roller Boogie and Solar Babies. Does it stack up to the other three?

Streaming Do's and Don'tsArmour of GodKnives of the AvengerDracula 3000Pop Quiz Hot Shot

What is a ........?

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The Delta Force

The Delta Force
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Part 2 of Carl's Inaction in Action series, we look at Chuck Norris and Lee Marvin in the Cannon Group's The Delta Force. It's part best hijacking movie ever and then part iconic Chuck Norris ridiculous action. Sometimes you in suspense and then other times your slapping your head in how preposterous it is.

There's two movies here. One is a slow-paced, well directed, solidly acted hostage crisis movie. The other is 100 guys invading a country and blowing everyone up. The first 100 minutes have 0 shots fired. It isn't even until 114 minutes that The Delta Force starts firing bullets back. But once they start shooting they don't stop until there's about 3 minutes left in the film.

So again I have to review this based on the two different movies. The first movie is very frightening. You really feel fear for the characters and there's some very heavy and serious thematic elements brought up. This all may be even more relevant today than it was in 1986 (when the film was released). There's anti-Semitic conflicts and Holocaust connections. There's general terror as we all know how awful a plane hijacking is.

But at the same time, the two main terrorists (one of which is maybe Robert Forster's best performance which is saying something) flip-flop back and forth about how evil they are. Sometimes you almost expect them to be revealed as misunderstood freedom fighters but then they just get downright villainous. Very strange.

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Prelude to The Delta Force

Prelude to The Delta Force
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Brought to you by The Delta Force 4: Phoentigeddon

It's time to pack up the dune buggies and the motorcycles with rocket launchers and prepare for part 2 of "Karl's Inaction in Action" trilogy started by Hell Squad and finishing with Megaforce.

This time it's Chuck Norris & Lee Marvin (his last film) vs The Middle East as Cannon Films makes their 4th appearance on Stinker Madness. Golan himself directed this nugget. Which Chuck Norris will we get? Bearded, Mulleted, or Clean Cut?

Streaming Do's and Don'tsThe Town that Dreaded Sundown (2014)Full Moon HighRobocop 2Robocop 3

Jackie's Rant - assorted trivia questions

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Hell Squad

Hell Squad
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Take 1 kidnapped diplomat's son, a country that only has bad guys in it, one guy how is a bit of a dick, 9 strippers, shake and stir and you've got Hell Squad. We aren't really sure what this movie is (other than ridiculous), is it a comedy or action movie?

The story is that there is some new special WMD that can blow up organic material but not anything else. This is determined by finding a newspaper that is not burnt but evidence of a horse getting sploded after a test of the weapon, however since newspaper is made of paper which is made of trees which as far as I know are actually living and organic, should mean the newspaper would also burn. This is foreshadowing of the idiocy of the rest of the story. The rest of the story, is that terrorists have this weapon already but need a schematic for part of a rocket to launch it. It seems like they've already built the hard part though. So they kidnap a diplomat's son and ransom him for this schematic (which no country would negotiate this deal, sorry bud. You're dead). Well the answer to this problem is to take 9 Las Vegas showgirls, train them for 10 days, then send this into Karajan (bad guy country) and let them find the kid and bring him back.

The story is so dumb that I can only figure that its supposed to be a joke, but its presented in such a manner that makes it seem like its a solid premise for an action movie. However, jokes abound that may or may not be funny in the film. One lady can't use a rifle because he boobs are too big, there's a water shortage in Karajan so the girls all have to use the bath tub at once (and everyday) and spoiler alert - there's a Scooby-Doo ending.

With that all said, Hell Squad is a really good time and a very underrated bad movie. It's inept film-making at its best with a completely ridiculous story and presentation. You can watch it twice in a row because of how much laughing at it you'll do the first time around. We recommend it greatly.

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Prelude to Hell Squad

Prelude to Hell Squad
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Brought to you by Z-Nationwide Insurance, making sure your dead loved ones.....stay dead.

It's Sam's week to pick a movie and he's got Hell Squad on deck. Looks like a bunch of strippers become mercenaries and save the world or something. We've also got a special guest coming for the full episode and he says this is one of his favorite bad movies so hopes are high we can hit another home run with finding a great bad movie.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsBrotherhood of Death - Netflix6 Bullets - NetflixBetrayal - NetflixJackie's Rant

Why aren't there more dongs in movies?

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Deadly Prey

Deadly Prey
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Here's the deal...this movie rules. Period. It has instantly gone into our Hall of Fame because it does everything right in both good storytelling and horrendously terrible film-making. It is as good to watch as any "good" movie and is only topped by the very creme of the crap in bad movies. There may only be a handful of movies better to view than Deadly Prey and we couldn't argue with anyone if they put it at the top of their list. It's that good.

Let me put it this way. If you were talking films with a person that you'd just met, say at work or at class and they casually said, "So have you ever seen a movie called Deadly Prey?" there is potential that you might become best friends.

Ted Prior plays Danton. Or vice versa. I'm not really sure which. Danton is like a chimera, unicorn, or the Minotaur. He's a being of mythic proportion. Maybe more like Thor, Hercules, or Achilles. 2000 years ago, poets would have told tale of Danton to travelers and bards would have sung his adventures. So again, did Ted Prior play Danton or did the spirit of Danton come down from Olympus and possess good ol' Ted. Because their on-screen symbiosis is unbreakable.

I could talk about Danton all day but there was also a phenomenal movie that happened as well. This movie is bonkers. From the very first shot (when does that take place?) to the very last frame you are in. The last 5 minutes of the movie will blow your mind and when the credits roll, you'll stand up and clap. This is just bad film-making at its very best.

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Prelude to Deadly Prey

Prelude to Deadly Prey
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Brought to you by Cutoffs and Mullets. Do you love white-trash reality shows? Then you'll love the newest reality show to hit TLC!

David A. Prior brings to us his brother Ted, with one of the best hair-dos ever to make the big time. It's another possible "Hall of Fame" candidate that has a series of "10 star" user reviews on IMDB. This thing better deliver because it looks like its going to.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsDragon Lord - NetflixMeals on Wheels - YoutubeMankillers - YoutubeMaster of the Flying Guillotine - YoutubeAction USA - YoutubeWhatcho Talkin' Bout Willis?

If you are a super rich hunting afficionado, and you could hunt anything from any movie, what would it be?

About Deadly Prey - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Written & Directed by David A. Pryor. 

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Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Girls Just Want to Have Fun
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Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt remind us why the 80's should stay dead in this zaniest, craziest, wildest, freshest, bubblegum romp. Sarah Jessica Parker plays Laney, a girl who just wants to dance, and Helen Hunt plays Lynne who just wants to put weird stuff in her hair (lobsters, grasshoppers, dinosaurs, etc...). But the pair are thwarted by the reality of life and the harshness of societal norms (like jobs and school).

The movie is the 80's in a can of pepper spray applied directly to the head. Everything is pink. Everything. Fine. Everyone has atrocious fashion sense. Fine. The music is awful princess pop. Fine. If you can get past those things there's still more non-decade specific problems that this movie suffers from (and rewards with).

For instance, the complete lack of a concept of reality. The girls go to Catholic School but never show up and if they do they ditch pretty easily. The Catholic School also features very young and attractive nuns only. They also practice outdoor gymnastics (ladies' pommel horse?). Everyone in this film can instantly be best friends without ever being properly introduced as well. "Hey, you're that new girl, right?," one girl might say. "Wow, you're like totally my best friend now. Let's tell each other our deepest secrets and get into zany trouble!", the other would retort.

Age is also no concept in this film as there are some questionable relationships built based off the characters/actors inferred ages such as a (guessed but favoring the low side) 16 year old Jonathan Silverman in love with a clearly very young (12 at best) Shannon Doherty. Creepy. On a side note, Jonathan's character has no qualms with giving strangers the ol' Tune in Tokyo.

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Prelude to Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Prelude to Girls Just Want to Have Fun
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Presented by "Boys Just Want To Do Nothing". Girls can keep their fun.

We prepare for the 80's in a nutshell with Helen Hunt and Sarah Jessica Parker as they dance their way to fame and fashion. Dance TV will never be the same.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsCurse of the Dragon SlayerDragonfyreDawn of the Dragon SlayerThe Crown and the Dragon: The Paladin CycleThe 2014 SMABFA (Stinker Madness Achievements in Bad Film-making Award) Awards Nominations!
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Cobra

Cobra
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Stallone makes his 4th appearance on our show as he teams up with Golan and Globus (who make their third appearance) for the "one tough cop" showcase that is Cobra. Marion Cobretti has to protect a key witness that can identify the Nightslasher, who isn't just a raving murderer as his name would suggest; he's also the head of a criminal organization that wants to take over the world. How about that?

The movie is a pretty fun ride but really has a reputation that its terrible. It's really not and is maybe the best movie that we've seen from the Cannon Group, really. The movie has some silly one-liners and action sequences for sure, but for a Cannon film its acted adequately and only has a couple of plot holes (one being the entire premise). It's truly not that bad when compared to other silly cop vs. everyone movies from the same period. It's not even in the realm of badness as Stallone's next movie "Over the Top" (also a Golan/Globus picture).

As I said, the primary plot flaw is the premise. Who are these guys in the sewer banging axes together? They put a serial killer in charge? Is he even in charge? What are their motivations and plans? But that really adds to the fun of the film on a stinker level, so it works for us.

The movie also has some pretty wild sequences. Bridgette Nielsen models with some robots (why is this sequence in there other than to showcase "the goods?"), Stallone jumps (his own) 1950 Mercury Coupe about 30 times, The Nightslasher makes an exploding barricade out of two conveniently parked gas tanker trucks, and the New World Order take over an entire town just to capture one lady (Bridgette Nielsen).

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Prelude to Cobra

Prelude to Cobra
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Presented by Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, because one Cobra isn't enough.

Its time for us to give ol' Sly Stallone another go (for the fourth time) as he teams up with Golan and Globus for Cobra. One tough cop must teach some bad guys a lesson...or something. 

Streaming Do's and Don'tsOverkillThe BurbsKilling SeasonLegendaryJackie's Rant

Hollywood Trickery or going to a movie and you are lied to about it.

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He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special

He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special
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Two Earth children get swept away to the magical Christmas planet of Eternia, where no one knows what they are talking about, get kidnapped, get kidnapped by someone else, get imprisoned, get kidnapped again by someone else, crash land in a space ship, almost freeze to death, almost get eaten by a snow beast, and get sucked up by a tractor beam for kidnapping purposes. 

Along the way they teach the entire Eternia gang (including Skeletor) about Christmas. Skeletor learns that it's ok to be nice to people one day a year and we learn that robots that transform into other things are inherently evil and that we shouldn't buy them. Thankfully this movie is only 44 minutes long....

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:Cheesy effects: (For bad animation)Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:

Overall Ratings:

Good Movie Quality: Bad Movie Quality:

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Prelude to He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special

Prelude to He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special
He-Man and She-Ra Xmas Special
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Brought to you by "Eternia" the latest prequel reboot adaptation drama from Fox.

Week 2 of the #15BadXmasMovies pod/vidcrawl gets going as we pull our sword out, get "The Power" and attempt to enjoy the holidays with He-Man and She-Ra. Remember them from Episode 1?! Well they are back and Skeletor has an itchin' for some sweet Christmas loot...in the form of two Earth children who get teleported to Eternia. Hiyo Silver! I mean, I HAVE THE POWER!

Also be sure to check out our 2014 Holiday Buying Guide for Bad Movie Lovers. 11 Great Xmas ideas for the movie lover in your family.

15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies Pod/Vid Crawl

Be sure to check out these other fine programs to continue your journey through horrible Christmas movies!

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Splash

Splash
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We keep our fingers crossed that this classic is actually a terrible movie...but no such luck. Even a movie with a silly plot and man-on-fish love can't stop the talent behind Splash. Diehard bad movie fans should avoid this one. It's a fun film with lots of laughs and career launching performances.  Oops.

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