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Odds and Evens

Odds and Evens
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Terrence Hill and Bud Spencer put on their best Abbott & Costello hats and deliver the hijinxs en masse. It's a banana show of endless goofs and shenanigans that never lets off the gas.

The problem with this movie is....nothing. This is just a great legitimate comedy. We didn't laugh AT this movie, we laughed with it. The jokes are timed impeccably. They are new and fresh and unique. While completely outlandish and bonkers, this film never gets into that dangerous 70's live-action cartoon territory (we're talking to you C.H.O.M.P.S.). It's brilliant and a model for classic slap-stick that put the Zucker brothers in such high standing.

Bud and Terrance are, as they should be, your classic comedy duo. They are complete opposites and tie right into the ol' straight-man/goof-ball model. But the unique thing is that the giant beast man that bares an uncanny semblance to Andre The Giant is the straight man, while the handsome, charming and snappy guy is the Daffy Duck. It's fantastic and works so well for these two.

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Prelude to Odds and Evens

Prelude to Odds and Evens
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For 22 pictures, Terrance Hill and Bud Spencer played the ultimate in comedic buddy-cop movies and this week on the podcast, Sam brings in one of their best in Odds and Evens.

Streaming Do's and Don'tsIcebreaker w/ Rifftrax - Amazon PrimeVehicle 19 - NetflixGor II (Outlaw of Gor) - MST3K YouTubeThe Wild Card - Good Neighbor, Bad Neighbor (Buddy Cops)Riggs & Murtaugh - Lethal WeaponCates & Hammond - 48 Hrs.About Odds and Evens - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Carlo Pedersoli was still a member of the Italian National Swim Team and Water Polo Team when he started his acting career around 1950. The younger Marco Girroti similarly was discovered around the same time. The two would individually muddle through bit parts and lower profile roles before the two were cast together in the 1967 western, God Forgives… I Don’t. Director Giueseppe Colizzi recommended the two adopt less Italian sounding names as Italian budget films were beginning to put quite a few butts in seats worldwide. Girroti would take the name Terence Hill and Pedersoli would assume the moniker Bud Spencer. Girroti’s was tasked with choosing names from lists while Pedersoli came up with Bud Spencer as homage to Spencer Tracy and Budweiser beer. The two would go on two star with one another in over 20 buddy pictures. Though some films may be more well known, say Lethal Weapon or 48 Hrs., the heart and soul of the buddy film lies with these two.

The Corbucci brothers are also very significant in Italian film. Sergio is one of the more influential Italian directors, having done films such as the original Django, The Mercenary, Compeneros and The Great Silence, to name a few. Bruno however amassed a significant filmography as a director and writer in his own right. Many of the Spencer/Hill productions are products of the Corbucci brothers. This gem was directed by Sergio and written by Bruno though the larger chunk of the Spencer/Hill films are directed by Bruno and written by Sergio or Mario Amendola.

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Blood Freak

Blood Freak
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This episode of the podcast centers around the classic Thanksgiving film from 1972, Blood Freak. Its that old tale of a man who smokes a little pot, eats an entire turkey and those goes on a tryptophan fueled and murderous rampage by becoming a freaking turkey. Yep. That's it.

Blood Freak is freaking insane and one of the worst movies ever made. The production values are incredibly poor with poor lighting, out of focus shots, terrible set design and horrible acting. It's right in line with films like Eegah!, Monster A Go-Go, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, or anything starring Tor Johnson. How this managed to get past the MST3K crew is a mystery deeper than where the hell is Amelia Earhardt.

As its sooooo bad, it's super super super fun. Its so riffable as it is terribly paced and stuffed with ridiculous scenarios and dialogue. At one point, the main turkey's fresh girlfriend and apparent fiance finds that her love is now a turkey head guy but decides to have sex with him anyways. Add in the entire films premise and you've got a must see on your hands.

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Prelude to Blood Freak

Prelude to Blood Freak
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In early preparation for Thanksgiving, Jackie gets a headstart with pulling the trigger on a turkey of a movie from 1972, 3 weeks early. But that's OK because it's a spooky tale about a motorcycle guy who smokes some pot and gets turned into a murderous turkey. Just like your family.

Special Segment - Films we've seen the most in a given period of time

Jackie - Care Bears Movie, The Beastmaster, Love ActuallyJustin - Condorman, Batman, Fight ClubSam - Rambo II, Encino Man, The A-Team, Children of MenThe Wild Card - Who Would Win in a Knife FightA Thanksgiving Turkey vs The Easter BunnyAbout Blood Freak - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Gobble gobble, it’s turkey time. Not the kind of turkey that J-Lo has in her pants. Did J-Lo ad lib that? Does that mean that in her pants she has a full turkey ensemble; a snood, wattle and major caruncle? Perhaps it is just the character “Ricki/Rochelle” who has mean roast beef curtains, because otherwise what the hell is she talking about? See (or hear rather) our Gigli episode for more.

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Dreamer

Dreamer
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Here's a fun concept - take something as boring to watch as bowling and then make a movie that is just as boring about said boring thing. You've then got a very accurate representation of something super boring. Wow. Thanks a lot bowling movie.

Dreamer is arguably the most boring movie ever made. There's levels of bad that are definitely worse as far as film-making. See Manos, Monster-a-Go-Go, Sssssss, CHOMPS and so forth come to mind. The good thing about all those films is that there's at least something to either hate, scratch your head over, or just be angry about. This causes no emotions on any level. Its the least interesting film we've ever seen. Ever. No question.

I don't even know how to write an entire review. I guess I'll try to write the synopsis so here goes: Dreamer is about a guy who bowls.

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Prelude to Dreamer

Prelude to Dreamer

Splash

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In this week's podcast spectacular of majesty, we've dug into the vaults and pulled out a brown stain in sports film-making history from 1979. It's the tale of the super exciting world of bowling. What? You didn't know bowling could be exciting? Well put on your slippery shoes and grab your ball bag because we didn't either!

"Streaming" Do's and Don'tsDeadly Blessing - Amazon PrimeWarrior of Justice - IMDBFuture-Kill - IMDBThe Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

The ability to control 5 mosquitos - 3/10 stars

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Gone with the Pope

Gone with the Pope
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Duke Mitchell gives us his best Godfather impression and along the way offends all of mankind, sails the Atlantic without problem, nabs the most powerful man on the planet with a pistol, and then finds God? It's one of the most bonkers films ever made and shouldn't be missed.

This film is one of those rare "masterpieces" that come once every few hundred years. When films like Gone with the Pope are released, the stars and planets must all be in line and druids must sacrifice a virgin on top of some rocks. This is incredibly unique. It's two movies mashed into one with one of the least charismatic actors fronting the entire show all while not having a clue on how to make a movie. It's a vanity piece on par with The Room with a screenplay that is written on napkins and roll up hundreds primarily used for snorting coke. What Duke Mitchell put together in 1975 is a trainwreck of catastrophic proportions.

But then you take the incredible work that Bob Murawski did with restoring and recutting the film and the incredible soundtrack by Jeff Mitchell (Director Duke Mitchell's son) and you've got this travesty of a film packaged in a box that rivals the production qualities of Heat and Good Fellas. It's insane. Imagine if Troll 2 was reproduced by Steven Spielberg. 

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Prelude to Gone with the Pope

Prelude to Gone with the Pope
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It's time for one of the craziest films ever to be made (sorta). In 1976, Duke Mitchell shot most of the film and then the footage disappeared..until now! We think it's about some mafia guys who kidnap The Pope, yes that Pope. You don't want to miss this one. 

Streaming Do's and Don'tsEraser - NetflixSmokey and the Bandit - StarzLeprechaun 3 - StarzGood Neighbor, Bad NeighborYor, The Hunter from the FutureBodhi - Point Break (1991)Johnny Rico - Starship TroopersAbout Gone with the Pope - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Bob Murawski, who is known for editing the majority of Sam Raimi’s work, and Sage Stallone, who is known for coming out of Sylvester Stallone’s testicles, together founded Grindhouse Releasing. Grindhouse has been called the Criterion of cult films. The story goes that in 1995 Stallone and Murawski found the work print of gone with the pope in Jeff Mitchell’s garage, Jeff being the son of director Duke Mitchell. It would then take 15 years to restore the film. In 2010 the film was finished and given a very limited release. The numbers say that this was released to DVD in 2014 while Mitchell’s other film, Massacre Mafia Style, was released to home video on 2015. This seems to not jive as I watched a copy of Massacre Mafia Style in 2014, possibly even 2013. In more contrast to the listed release dates, the word on the street was that the release of Massacre Mafia Style and subsequent DVD sales funded the Blu-ray mastering of Gone With the Pope. Though he did see the completion of the film, Stallone would die tragically of a heart attack in 2012 several years before it’s wider home release.

Mitchell, the King of Palm Springs, started his entertainment career club singing for $65 a week. Sammy Petrillo, at that time, was also making about that for comedy. They teamed up and did a Martin & Lewis thing for a few years. At the height of their popularity they were in the budget film Bella Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla. Shortly thereafter Jerry Lewis would have them blackballed. Duke continued his career as an entertainer and would eventually become responsible for the highly successful Palm Springs Ranch Club “Sunday Brunches” where he would bring in such exotic guests such as Cary Grant, Frank Sinatra and Lucille Ball. Mitchell’s film making strategy was as loose as those brunches probably got. Reportedly the closest thing to a script the film had was a pile that consisted of notebooks, loose papers, and ideas written on envelopes and cocktail napkins. He would put anyone in the film provided that he gave them money. He shot the whole thing on weekends and fired his sound guy so he wouldn’t have to pay him. There was reportedly $35k spent on the unfinished project.  Massacre Mafia Style was finished at a cost of $50k.

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Sssssss

Sssssss
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In what very well may be the worst mad scientist plan of all time, Professor Stoner (didn't make that up) turns innocent David from Man to Snakeman to.....well mongoose lunch. It's ssssssso ssssssstupid! It should be mentioned that no other film on this podcast is as worthy of being a MST3K episode.

Sssssss suffers from being not only very poorly thought out but also has some of the least movie making efforts ever attempted in film. It's not quite as useless as Frogs but tries to dupe us that it is a film but just showing shot after shot of crazy! snakes. However, they are live snakes and the actors aren't trained professionals so that at least makes these sequences viewable. Each sequence of snake business is spent wondering if the actors are going to get bit or smooshed or if they are accidentally going to kill one of the little serpents. ASPCA be damned!

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Heather Menzies-Urich here. Her hair....wow. And those glasses....wow. No film heroine has ever nailed a Danny Partridge impression so well. Her visage is like the front end of a bus with a bike rack on it...right before it runs you over. Yipes!

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Prelude to Sssssss

Prelude to Sssssss
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This week Justin rolls the dice on maybe the worst movie title of all time. Seriously, try to tell your friends your watching Sssssss and listen how it comes out of your mouth. Onomatopoeia should never be used in film titles. But we think its about snake men...

Streaming Do's and Don'tsMoonraker - Hulu PlusThe Living Daylights - Hulu PlusTomorrow Never Dies - Hulu PlusThe Greatest Super Power Debate

Fish Man - 6.5 stars

About Sssssss - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

7 “S”s is sssssuposed to be pronounced sssssss but thatssss ssssstupid. The poster has a woman’s mouth with a tiny cobra in it, which is also stupid. The only thing stupider than a movie about killer snakes is a movie about killer snake mans… man. That’s what this movie is about; killer snake mans. 

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Prelude to C.H.O.M.P.S.

Prelude to C.H.O.M.P.S.
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Part 2 of our Monster Buds series and this time its a robot dog with superpowers played by an actual dog. That can't be a recipe for disaster in any possible way!

Streaming Do's and Don'tsNightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge - NetflixCreepshow 3 - Hulu PlusThe Colombian Connection - Amazon PrimeSenorita Justice - Amazon PrimeGood Neighbor, Bad NeighborBeethoven the Dog - BeethovenHooch - Turner & HoochKujo - KujoAbout C.H.O.M.P.S. - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

The poster for CHOMPS features a sheep dog with a stick of dynamite in it’s mouth while either being struck by or shooting out at least 6 lightning bolts.  I can’t see it paying off, six lightning bolts should get an R rating.

It seems like we have been talking about Pete’s Dragon an awful lot lately. Well Don Chaffey directed Pete’s Dragon and he directed this too. He didn’t bring the bonerific Helen Ready along for this one though, instead he dragged in a 19 year old Valerie Bertinelli, who looks like a 12 year old boy, just the way Eddie Van Halen likes it. Speaking of Different Strokes, Conrad Bain is in this movie but we’ll get back to the actors in a minute.

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Seven

Seven
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It's the second film from Stinker Madness stalwart, Andy Sidaris. No, it's not that one with Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman. It's the story of seven agency operatives taking down seven criminal overlords on lovely Hawaii for the price of seven million dollars. It's got all the classic staples from Andy and we love it! At least the first hour and 23 minutes, because we haven't seen the end of this film.

WHAT?!?! You're going to do a review of a movie you haven't seen all of? Nope we aren't. Sorry to disappoint guys. There's not going to be a review in this one. However, it's quite important to still discuss this film and how we watched it. We were forced to watch this film on YouTube. Because it's not available by any other means. That's right you can't get your hands on this film. It's not for sale. Now here's the real rub. The YouTube copy cuts out at 83 minutes with an ad for a Japanese porno site. Nice. The real fun thing is that this movie keeps getting removed for copyright infringement by the copyright owner. They have that right. But if you're going to do that then make it available to buy, please. Idiots. (It should be noted that friend of the show, Arlene Sidaris does NOT own the rights to this film. We believe that Hugh Hefner does.)

Anyways, there's still plenty of a good time in the 83 minutes we did see. It's an odd film in that it is a heist movie with nothing being stolen. It's setup and paced as a heist movie with the recruitment of a team of individuals with unique skill sets, a elaborate and difficult plan with only a small window of time to execute it and only one try allowed, quick interlaced cuts between moments of actions between the individual players, and so forth. But the story is just some guys taking down some bad guys. It makes for alot of fun and is VERY well edited. From what we saw, this may be Andy Sidaris' best directed film. 

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Prelude to Seven

Prelude to Seven
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Before Malibu Express, Andy Sidaris directed a film called Seven. It's quite hard to find and rarely seen and has been on our list for ages. It stars William Smith and is about seven operators taking on seven villains in Hawaii. Buckle up for the ride!

This episode we have no streaming do's and don'ts but we instead discuss the Top Ten Stinker Staples. Be sure to read the whole list.

10. Sobriety superpowers9. Better take our shirts off8. Not understanding how phones work7. The bad guy is bad....because.6. The lifeless dummy5. Unlimited ammo4. Freezeframe, credits3. Truckin'2. Leaving by unopened window1. The Exploding HelicopterGood Neighbor, Bad Neighbor Jordan Tate - Under Siege (Erika Eleniak) Barb Wire - Barb Wire (Pam Anderson)Jill Munroe - Charlie's Angels (Farrah Fawcett)About Seven - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

Beyond Stinker Madness legend Andy Sidaris, who provided the story outline, produced and directed this film, the other producer is one Melvin Simon. Simon would be most remembered for bringing us the great joy that is Porky’s. Other production highlights for Simon include my personal favorites, Zorro the Gay Blade starring George Hamilton and The Stunt Man starring Steve Railsback, who you will remember from Lifeforce and who you should remember for Turkey Shoot, or the American title; Escape 2000. The Stunt Man also features Barbara Hershey and Peter O’Toole. It is one of my most recommended films.

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Corvette Summer

Corvette Summer
Corvette Summer Corvette Thing
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Its the story of a virgin teaming up with a very loose woman on the hunt of an ugly car. It stars Mark Hamill and Annie Potts and its called Corvette Summer. Its possibly the greatest love story told in a bad movie and is one step away from actually being a good movie. But an ugly car, poor production values, and plot holes keep it from getting there.

So Mark Hamill plays a recent high school grad, named Kenny who is a mechanical wizard, but a socially awkward virgin. Kenny has rebuilt a Corvette Stingray as part of his high school shop class. The car gets stolen on its first day out and Kenny is heart-broken. He gets a tip that the car is in Vegas so Kenny goes in search of it. Along the way, he meets a "hooker in training" named Vanessa (Annie Potts) who helps him out by letting him live in her van and search for the car.

The primary problem with the film is that it really doesn't know what it is. It has the adult thematic elements of a Woody Allen movie or Midnight Cowboy, but the production values and hi-jinks of a teen movie. The music is terrible and comes in at very inappropriate times. There's sophomoric jokes and goofy action in scenarios that are very serious (like getting killed by car thieves). It also suffers from some slap your forehead moments of stupidity from the characters.

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Prelude to Corvette Summer

Prelude to Corvette Summer
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Presented by Corellian Corvette Summer, the story of a moisture farmer and a Twilek with a heart of gold that gets his CR90 Corvette stolen. If only he'd made it to Tashi Station...

Justin delivers his favorite romantic bad movie with Mark Hamill and Annie Potts and the buttest Corvette ever. Its Corvette Summer from 1978. It's the story of a socially awkward virgin on the hunt of a stolen ugly car, along the way falling for a hooker in training. 

Streaming Do's and Don'tsRepo! The Genetic Opera - NetflixMortal Kombat: The Movie - NetflixAge of Ice - NetflixThe Cobbler - NetflixGood Neighbor, Bad NeighborAgent Clarice StarlingEleanor RipleyLance StargroveAbout Corvette Summer - Movie InformationSam's Boring Bullshit

This film is a product of what is now known as USC’s Dirty Dozen. The “dozen” who have had a lasting imprint on the film industry are:

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Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
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Russ and Roger go beyond in this under-whelming tale of how LA is tough on people, I guess. It's really a tale of people having banter that doesn't work for the viewer and then boning. Nothing happens in the film until 90% of the way through. We say less banter, more boobies.

We'll just go ahead and say that this was a massive disappointment. We were hoping for some really far out zany business with a nice backdrop of solid chests. Unfortunately, its mostly just music video, party, banter, music video, party, banter, tame boning, music video, banter, party, wedding, credits. This formula equals a sum of boring for 3/4 of the film. The pacing and writing seem to try to shock the viewer but I can't even imagining in 1970 that this film was shocking. Its as if you are told that people can be gay and then the person telling you this looks at you as says "Aren't you shocked? You must be shocked? That's SOOOO shocking" while you look at this person and wonder if they've ever been outside. How naive did Russ and Roger think people were in 1970? People have sex and do drugs?!?! Whoa...

The acting is par for the most part, we wouldn't call it really good or bad; only a few people really blow it and give us something to remark on. Which is another strike. There is only a couple of laughable performances. This in spite the fact that most of the cast is made up of Playmates.

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Prelude to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

Prelude to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls
thurman and lala
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Coming soon from Stinker Studios - Vampires and Vixens, the Russ Meyer movie they didn't want you to see!

We prepare this week for the rated X Russ Meyer classic, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Jackie recently saw "Life Itself", the documentary about Roger Ebert and now she thinks Beyond the Valley of the Dolls may be the greatest thing to ever exist. Sam and Justin have already seen it and are on shaky ground. Who will be rewarded? Hopefully YOU, dear listener!

Streaming Do's and Don'tsHot BoyzWolfcopDead Snow: Red vs. DeadHawk's VengeanceSpecial Guests - The Thurman and Lala Podcast

Sean and Steve from The Thurman and Lala Podcast join us in studio to discuss how you can spot a bad movie within minutes of it starting. These very funny guys are completely worth checking out if you like a helpful of good laughs on your Mondays.

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The Star Wars Holiday Special

The Star Wars Holiday Special
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Prepare to have your childhood dreams shattered! There's a reason the Star Wars Holiday Special has been buried and left to bootlegs as the only avenue to its viewing. It's terrible. Birdemic is a better film. We kid you not.

The entire "concept" (I can't call it a story) is that Life Day is being celebrated on Kashyyk, the Wookie homeworld and Chewbacca is trying to get back to his family to spend the day with them. But that pesky Empire won't go away (even though their Death Star just go sploded) and tries to prevent the Millennium Falcon from reaching Kashyyk (or Kashook, depending on who is talking). Meanwhile at Chewbacca's house, the Empire has decreed to raid all homes and look for evidence of Rebel Alliance affiliations. When put that way it sounds like it might be ok right? Wrong.

First and foremost, this is a 2 hour film (including the commercials which ARE worth watching) and 50% or more of the dialogue is in Wookie. It gets quite old after about 5 minutes of listening to three Wookies talking to each other. Now take the Star Wars out of the whole thing and pretend that they are just people and the exact same events happen. Its painfully boring. Momma Wookie watches a Martha Stewart special. Junior Wookie plays with toys and won't take out the trash. They make calls to family and friends. Grandpa Wookie gets a masturbation machine and uses it....what? Yup, one of the holy crap moments is when Chewie's dad gets a VR machine that displays a half naked Diahann Carroll dancing seductively and singing about how much she wants him and Grandpa Wookie likey....alot. Uber-creepy.

Then there is the other 50% or so of the movie, which is just cuts of original footage from A New Hope pasted in. Han Solo's getting chased by Star Destroyers...Darth is walking down the hallway of the Death Star (that no longer exists), Han is fighting Tie Fighters and talking to Luke Skywalker (who isn't onboard). 

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Prelude to The Star Wars Holiday Special

Prelude to The Star Wars Holiday Special
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Watch the Original CBS Bumper and Intro!

Brought to you by the Star Wars Prequels Awesome Editions - the way we would have made them (hint = more Splosions!)

Justin's Christmas wish is about to come true as we all prepare to view a film so notorious even the filmmakers tried to block everyone from every viewing it. With every single major cast member from Star Wars Episode IV plus singing and dancing (is that Bea Arthur and Heady Lamar? (That's HEADLY!)) this has got to be the greatest moment of our 15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies pod/vid crawl.

15 Days of Bad Xmas Movies Pod/Vid Crawl

Be sure to check out these other fine programs to continue your journey through horrible Christmas movies!

Misan[trope]y - Releasing December 5th – Santa With Muscles 

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Damnation Alley

Damnation Alley
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Jan Michael Vincent and George Peppard go for a long ride across the American wasteland in a mega-truck. Along the way they find hill-billies, clever kids, mutated bugs and giant man-eating scorpions. Sounds exciting right? It's not.

The film itself is pretty much just riding around in the mega-truck for long periods of time. The action is few and far between and when it happens it truly looks terrible. The sky on fire is one of the worst effects ever "captured" on film and is where most of the money went. It's truly a shame as if they'd just spent the budget and time elsewhere this may have been a good time. Instead, the movie consists of:

blow up worldblow up only safe placedrive to Albanyget a bump on the head and die, get eaten by cockroaches, get raped by mutant rednecks, pick up a junior sized Peyton Manning, float motorhome from Detroit to AlbanyProfit?

We wish that we could give this a stamp of approval but unfortunately it's a waste of time.

Individual Ratings:

Over the top action:Cheesy effects:Horrendous acting:Laugh-out-loud-ability:Ridiculous stunts:Gratuitous nudity:Memorable one-liners:

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